Different ways for different days....

Tonight is one of the yearly reminders that I am not like everyone else, and that things most people take for granted, I don't take at all.

Fireworks.  Hate 'em.  As a very young child, I got scared to death by all the loud booms and we had to leave early and come home.  And because of that, I've NEVER liked fireworks.  As a kid, they scared me.  As I got older, I just never liked them. I can think of only three times in my life I've been outside watching the fireworks near where they were being set off.  Once, here in town with some friends.  Once, at a local carnival's closing night, with some friends.  And once, in Paris, on Bastille Day, while standing on the lowest level of the Eiffel Tower.  Yeah, that last one pretty much rocked.

Anyway, fireworks aren't the only thing.  I do not like baseball.  In fact I pretty much hate it. I have been to a professional game once in my life.  I have been to a local minor league game once.  And at both I was bored out of my skull.  But it's 'the national pasttime'.  Not for me.

Going shirtless.  Most guys, in America, take it for granted that when they get hot, they can take their shirt off.  When I was about 11 or 12, I became conscious of my own weight, which while heavy, was not really obese or anything.  I think the label at the time was "husky".  Anyway, I was ashamed at how fat I thought I was.  And so I would NEVER take my shirt off in public.  Even when swimming, I HAD to have a shirt on, or I'd not get in the water.  I have been in two swimming pools without a shirt, but both times were with the guy I was dating at the time, at their respective houses, and we were both of us, both times skinny dipping.  And one time it was after dark, the other time, the pool was out in the mountains where no one else was around.  And even  now, I can not think of the last time I was without a shirt outside in public somewhere.  I'm pretty sure my age was only in the single digits then.

Being married, having children.  Until just two weeks ago, I was never able to be married (well that's not true, marriage equality reached Pennsylvania in 2014), but even so, actually getting married was not something that I've ever seriously considered.  I've never been with anyone that I felt strongly enough that I wanted to be married to them.  And having kids were never in my plans.  I LOVE kids, I love playing with them, watching then grow up, enjoying their discoveries of finding out everything new.  But I never really thought I'd ever have any of my kids.  Even if I should be married, I don't expect we'd have kids.  And frankly, at my age, I'm not sure I'd want kids now anyway.  I would be 65 years old when they graduated high school, even if they were born right this second.  I am saddened that I won't have any kids (most saddened of all because I'll never make my mother a grandmother.  She would have been an AMAZING grandmother), but that's again something other's assume will happen and I know never will to me.

Fixing things.  I can simply not do anything at all with my hands. I can't fix anything here at the house when it breaks,  I can't 'improve' anything.  I've never learned.  And I have no desire to learn. I wish I knew how to change the oil in my car, or tear the wallpaper off the wall correctly, or build some bookshelves, or fix that hole in the closet wall.  But I don't.  So I have to pay someone to do things like that. I suppose I could learn (God may YouTube instructional videos for a reason) but I just have no interest.

Siblings and nieces and nephews. This one isn't my fault (I guess it's really no one's fault), but I have no idea what it's like to grow up with, to rely on, to get pissed at, my siblings.  And without a spouse, I dont even have any in-law siblings.  It's just me.  I would like to know what it's like to have a sibling...but at the same time, I KNOW I would not be the same person I am now, if I had grown up with a sibling.  Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know.

These are just some of the things most people just take for granted as parts of their lives.  And some of the things which I dont think I will ever in my life know about.

POLT