Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Money made your eyesight all blurry...

Today after work, I had my annual eye exam. Being diabetic, I pay a bit more in insurance to get a yearly exam instead of the standard two year exam. Gotta make sure there's no gloucoma in the old eyeballs.


Anyway, before we started the exam, I had to do stuff on these three machines. The first was checking my peripheral vision, the girl said. (and her voice, oh, it was high pitched, and irritating, like a poodle on helium yapping away) it was like a video game, I had to look in and when I saw flashing lines, hit a button. She said I only missed one. I guess that's good.

Then I had to look into something that showed a cartoon of a highway running off into the distance with a hot air balloon above it. All I did was look. It was measuring something, I got no idea what, but apparently I did well on that also.

Then the last one was what I hate: The puff of air. I got in both eyes, but everything was okay with that as well, I guess. Don't know really what that does, but no one got concerned about any of the tests.

Then I was handed off to the doctor. He asked if I had any problems, and I told him I was having trouble with really small print, had to get a good light behind me and hold it close. He said it might be time for bi-focals, and I groaned. He said it affects everyone sometime between 35 and 40 something, so i was right in there. I guess that was to make me feel better. It just reminded me how old I was.

He gave me a card with some writing on it, and I could see it fine. Then he put two lenese over my glasses and asked if that was any better. It was, a little. I had to think about it, though, to make sure it was jsut a little better. He took the lenses away and then brought them back. I was still studying it when he yanked the lenses away and said, "You don't need them yet. When I put the lenses up, you're supposed to see an immediate and marked improvement. If you have to think about it, then you're not ready for bifocals." I cheered. He continued, "But i've made a note so I know to check it every exam from now on." I groaned again.

Other than that, after all the tests, he said my left eye got just a bit more near-sighted, but there was no reason to change my presciption. Basically, everything's pretty much fine now. I cheered again.

Then I went out front and got to chose a new pair of frames. I'm getting the lenses that change with the sun again, and I'm getting some kind of lighter lenses as well. the insurance pays for everything but the light lenses, so my entire bill when I pick up the glasses will be $25. That's it. And this might be the first year, in the 13 years that I've had eye insurance through work, that I've had to pay anything...although I might have had to pay the $25 for the light lenses the last time, I'm not sure.

Yeah, I bitch about my job, but the insurance ROCKS!

So hopefully before too long, you'll see a photo here of Uncle Polt's new glasses...and him in them, presumably.

POLT Listening to "Map Of The Problematique" by Muse

"What did you get me?" "What's six times twenty four?" "Um...a lot?" "I got you a lot of bottle rockets." - A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking

Part 180....

Shirtlessness du jour


POLT Listening to "Shining Light" by Ash Oil: 49.66 (+.84); Gas: 2.05 (-)

"She's a policewoman." "She's not a policewoman." "She is. I've seen her bra." - Danny, Hot Fuzz

Monday, March 30, 2009

Doctor suess, disneyland and mother goose is no nursery rhyme...

Ah yes, Moonlighting.



Back when Bruce Willis was funny and entertaining. So unlike now.

POLT Listening to "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen

No way. No how. No McCain-Palin. - Hillary Clinton, July 2008

Imagination is crazy, your whole perspective gets hazy...

Several weeks ago, I was in the movie theater and needed to use the restroom. Upon entering and turning the corner, this is what I saw.


I couldn't help but wonder what had happened. I mean, not that it affects my life any, and even considering that I may not WANT to know, it just struck me as strange. And then I started feeling sorry for the poor urinal, having to be covered up like that when all his urinal buddies were still out, open and working. And I wondered how much taunting the unwrapped ones did of the wrapped one. What insults did they throw his way? What kinda of abuse did he have to endure because of this situation, which surely was not of his creation?

And then another guy walked past me to one of the urinals, and I realized I like the look he was giving me, so I went into one of the stalls, did my business, returned to the movie, and didn't think about it again, until I saw this photo.

Who knew an over-active imagination and anthropomorphtism could be potentially harmful?

POLT Listening to "Stronger" by Kanye West

It's England. You can't throw a plate of fish and chips without hitting a castle, right? - Black Canary, Green Arrow/Black Canary #8

Forget the scandal, forget the sleaze, we'll drag...

I'm not sure how many of you have heard this, but Portland's openly gay mayor is in a bit of a bind right now. Apparently, he had an affair with an 18 year old gay boy. Since the kid was legal, I'm a bit unsure of the scandal, I haven't read up it as much as I should have. I don't know if there was a cover-up, or lying under oath, or hush money changing hands, or if the kid was a hustler, or if he was under 18 when it started or what exactly.

But it HAS to be more than just the fact he was 18. I mean, come ON, what self-respecting, hormonal gay man WON'T have sex with an 18 year old. And 18 year old named Beau. Beau Breedlove (seriously!). And an 18 year old named Beau Breedlove that looks like this:


I mean, I'd fault him more if he the opportunity and did NOT having an affair with this hot guy!

UPDATE: Upon more reading, I've discovered the scandal seems to be that the affair started before Beau was 18. ...Oopsie...

POLT Listening to "You Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer Oil: 48.72 (-3.68); Gas: 2.05 (-)

I'm not comparing your head to a butt plug, but it does seem to spend a lot of time up your ass. - Bill Maher

You're wantin' my body, I don't mind (Part 192)...

MONDAY'S HOT SHIRTLESS GUY PHOTOS

This week's theme: 10 Good Reasons To Stay In Bed.











POLT "I'm Your Boogie Man" by KC & The Sunshine Band

"Which letter of the alphabet sounds exactly the same as a term for a female sheep?" "Baaah?" - Contestant on the Weakest Link

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Boy, don't try to front....

Earlier today, I did something that i thought I would NEVER do. I'm a bit disturbed that I did do it, but I'm certain Enrickyricardo will be pleased.

I actually pruchased and downloaded from iTunes a song by Britney Spears.

I KNOW!!!!

Much to my surprise, I did not spontaneously combust. Or turn into a pillar of salt. Or go blind. But surely, Polt buying Britney Spears music IS one of the Seven Signs Of The Apocolypse. And if it's not, it really oughtta be.

I bought "Womanizer", basically just because of the YouTube video of that cute deaf guy signing to it. I kept flipping back to that and watching it...over and over again. He's just mesmorizing. And then I found that I was humming the song, even when not watching the video. So I knew I HAD to have it.

But every time I hear it, I'm not hearing Britney, oh no, that would never do. Instead, I'm seeing the hot deaf Micheal, signing it. And that makes me feel less oogy and soiled for enjoying it.

But I'm still watching overhead for a blast of fire and brimstone from above.

And just cause I love the video so much, and it's MY blog, I'm reposting it right here.




POLT Listening to "Where Do I Begin" by The Chemical Brothers

"Do you think this is the end of the world?" "Don't be silly, Andy. The world won't end on your shift." - Gwen, Torchwood

Corey's eyes are like a jungle, he smiles...

Last night, after work, I hung out with my friend from a few weeks ago, the one I thought might be gay but wasn't. From now on, for simplicity's sake, I shall call hiom Corey, only because that's his name.

I was looking to the first season of Skins on DVD, and I had checked the Borders and Best Buy here in town, and they didn't have it. Oh, both could order it, but I wanted to try a few other places in the area. SO after work, I picked up Corey and we went to Frederick. Nothing at Best Buy, nothing at Borders. And then we went to the mall to check out the new Barnes&Noble there.

Great Ceasar's Ghost, that place was huge! I couldn't believe how big that place was. I was overwhelmed. My buddy from my Border's day: Big Joe, I had heard, was the manager there. So Corey and I are wandering around in the DVD section, when who should suddenly appear but Joe! I asked him if he was going to throw us out, and he said he had to have some kinda fun around there. Gotta love Joe. I found out he was the assistant manager, but still, in a store that size, that's pretty impressive. At least to me. He and I talked a bit, catching up somewhat. It was great to talk to him again. Oh, and they didn't have Skins either. Looks like I'll be ordering that online here before too much longer.

So then Corey and I ended up driving through downtown Frederick, in the rain, just cause, well, there was really nothing else we could think of to do. We ended up driving back to town, and we went to Cafe Del Sol to eat. I love the food. And Corey did too. We even had dessert, the canolis, which i know nearly put me into a diabetic coma, but dammit, they are SO good.


So then having already hung out for like 5 hours, and with me being very tired, having gotten up at 6:30 to get to work, I took him and then returned home myself.

But damn, that kid is fascinating. Our conversation had a few awkward moments when I think we were both trying to think of something to talk about, but they were few and didn't last long. Cause once we hit a topic, be talked about it for a long time. He's just so interesting. And so straight. *SIGH*. Seriously, man, I could fall hard for him. But whatever, as I wrote previously, at least I've got a damn good friend out of the deal, ya know.

he doesn't like his picture taken, but I sneaked a few. Well the first one wasn't actually snuck. I just pulled the camera out and took his picture. He tried to turn away, and that's why its a bit blurry, but I still got him in all his cuteness.



The second one is from Borders, when he was bent over looking at comic books (man, can he debate and discuss comic books!). This one made me giggle, just his positioning and all.


Yeah, I do have the maturity level of a 15 year old, thanks for noticing.

POLT Listening to "The Hell Song" by Sum 41

"This feels funny." "My tits feel funny?" "No, you've got a lovely...handful." - Sid, Skins

I drive my mini-Cooper and I'm feeling super-dooper (Part 45)...

Superman Sundays

If one must lounge by the pool on a warm summer's afternoon, one must naturally wear one's Superman undies/briefs/swimming gear. To do otherwise would be tres gouche!


Laying your Superman cape down first so you are on that and not on the oh-so-toasty bricks thus preventing any discomfort from the heat radiating off the bricks, is optional.

POLT Listening to "Give It 2 Me" by Madonna

"So he doesn't even know I'm dead?" "Well, you're not anymore." - Gwen, Torchwood

Part 179...

Shirtlessness du jour

POLT Listening to "I Feel Love" by Donna Summer Oil: 52.40 (+.02); Gas: 2.05 (-.01)

The McCain campaign is like the Hindenburg, full of hot air and going down in flames. - dkan, Oct. 11, 2008

Let's get unconscious honey (Part 151)...

Unconscious Mutterings
These come each week from http://subliminal.lunanina.com/

I say ... and you think ... ?

Road trip :: White Castle, baby!
Pool hall :: Pool tables
Extraordinary :: Gentlemen
Jackson :: Brown
Heartfelt :: Sincere
Wet :: Lube
Strangle :: Choke
.com :: .org
Touched :: Caressed
Insipid :: Dull


POLT Listening to "Attitude" by Seude

It's totally wiped out...it's devastating - it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground. - George W. Bush, from Air Force One above New Orleans

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I got a fat ass playa (Part 3)...

Week Two

Contestant: Starting weight - current weight - weight lost

Mark: 262 lbs - 259 lbs - 3 pounds!
Polt: 275 lbs - 274 lbs - 1 pound.

So Mark won the first week, and is in the lead. But we'll see how long that lasts!

POLT Listening to "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors

I've found the later you get up in the day, the less often you'll lie to yourself about how unique and brillant and successful you're going to be. - Dave Dunseath

Part 178...

Shirtlessness du jour



POLT Listening to "Touched By The Hand Of God" by New Order Oil: 52.38 (-.02); gas: 2.06 (-)

Hey I've got things I'd rather be doing too, Wolverine, and people with better hair to do them with. - Spiderman, X-Men And Spiderman #2

My baby's got a secret (Part 120)...

Secret Saturdays

These come from http://postsecret.blogspot.com/.


















































POLT Listening to "Hoodoo" by Muse

The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door. And believe me, they've tried. - The Doctor, Dr. Who

Friday, March 27, 2009

Feel me? i'll write a graphic page...

Today, on Puntabulous, Craiggers posted his review of the Watchmen graphic novel (read it HERE). He also asked for recommendations for other graphic novels to read. And this got me thinking. Since I have a HORDE of graphic novels, I thought I'd go through and find my top ten favorites.

This list will exclude The Watchmen, which is univesally, to both critics and fans alike, as THE best graphic novel, hell, THE best comic book story EVER done. Since it IS that, it's making the list, and being at the very top is a given. I've also excluded series that are collected in graphic novel format (like Preacher and Sandman, of which I have all the graphic novels, and which are damn good stories in their own right). I'm just including things that were put out as graphic novels, or mini-series later collected into grahic novel format.

And I'm not listing them in the order of how I like them, cause that's just frankly too difficult to do.


1) Camelot 3000. From the early 80's, one of the first, I beleive, to be released in graphic novel format. It's got outstanding Brian Bolland artwork. The storyline is that King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table return in the year 3000. But they come back different: one in the body of a hulking alien brute, another in the body of a samuri, and yet another in the body of a woman. the last makes an interesting issue with that knight's woman love, who returns as well, and in the body of a woman. For the Reagan years of the early 80's, it was pretty daring, and one of comics first mature adult protrayals of homosexuality. But a great read overall.


2) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns. From 1985, the same time as The Watchmen. This one's written and drawn by 300's and Sin City's Frank Miller. Batman comes out of retirement to deal with gang problems and such in Gotham City. But Batman's in his 60s. A great story. It's got Superman, a few other DC heroes, the Joker, Dr. Ruth Westheimer and David Letterman characatures, a teenaged girl as Robin, and a whole new take on Batman.


3) X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills. From the early 80's as well, and again, one of the first put out in the graphic novel format. The second X-Men movie was loosely based on this, but I think the graphic novel did it better. A religious wingnut is persecuting mutants, calling them demons and devils, and such. Great story of the evils of prejudice and intoleance and the harm they can do.


4) The Golden Age. This is one of my favorites, but that's just cause I'm such a fan of the Justice Society Of America. This is the story of what could have happened to the JSA and other WWII heroes after the war was over. The ending, I swear, it blew me away. I still remember reading it, and being totally surprised by it, even actually gasping when everything was revealed. Without sufficient knowledge of the JSA, one might be a bit lost. I can't recommend this one enough, nonetheless, I can't recommend this one enough.


5) JLA: Identity Crisis. This one's only five years old or so, but it's great. Brad Meltzer is an author, and it's clear he wrote this thing like a novel. It's a great murder mystery, with earth shattering concequences for some of DC's heroes, and it too took me buy surprise when it was all revealed. Consise and well written, this one is a must read.


6) Batman: The Killing Joke. From the mid to late 80's. This one has more of Brian Bolland's outstanding art, and is written by Alan "The Watchmen" Moore. Anything with the Joker in it HAS to be good (usually), but this one too has some major changes for a venerable DC character. And those changes have stuck. The character's had to deal with, and even prospered with, the changes made 20 years ago. But a great story as well.


7) Kingdom Come. Unbelievably well drawn and written story from the genius Alex Ross. I loved it, cause it had a negative commentary on the "dark heroes" that were so prevalent at the time. Superman, the original 'boy scout' had to return and save the world from the 'indiscriminate killing' 'heroes' that had taken over. But the way it done, and how beautifully its illustrated is amazing. And to see the future of so many of today's heroes is a hoot too. But all make sense. A great story.


8) Batman; The Long Halloween. A 13 part miniseries dealing with Batman trying to catch a killer than strikes only on Holidays, starting on Halloween one year. I think each of his villains appears at least once: the Joker, Poison Ivy, Two-Face, The Riddler, Scarecrow, etc. A great mystery that once more, stumped me. I couldn't figure it out, and the revelation was a total surprise and shock. But an outstanding story as well.


9) Marvels. The first piece that gave a lot of exposure to Alex Ross. the whole story is told from the point of view of a newspaper photographer and following the beginning and rise of the Marvel Universe, from Spider-Man, to the Fantastic Four, to the Avengers, to the X-Men. All from the 'common man's' eyes. A great down to earth story.


10) JLA: The Nail. What if a nail had prevented John and Martha Kent from discovering the rocket carrying Superman, and there was a Man Of Steel? This is that story. Written and drawn in his incomparable style, Alan Davis does a fun, credible version of this possible universe. And as I said, anything with the Joker in it HAS to be good, right?

I welcome any comments on this: agree/disagree, whatever. And if you haven't gotten these graphic novels, you really should. They're a great way to waste a rainy day reading.

POLT Listening to "Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama

Earlier this year, I had my hair feng-shuied. - Jerry Hall

Part 177...

Shirtlessness du jour



POLT Listening to "Thank You And Goodbye" from the Evita soundtrack Oil: 52.40 (-1.94); Gas: 2.06 (+.02)

Well, mjust just came towards me with a great big bloody needle, didn't he? My dog bit him and I kicked him in the nuts. - Marie, Torchwood

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 49)....

55 Fiction Fridays

Jenny had never seen "the Ping Pong Ball Trick" in person.
Ryan said he could do it and agreed to show her.
He took the ping pong balls and left the room.
He returned, lowered his jeans and Calvin Kleins,
concentrated and...


Jenny got a faceful of air.
The balls were still in Ryan's hand.

POLT Listening to "Justify My Love" by Madonna

"This looks like a nice little town." "Try not to homo it up." - A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking

Soem boys kiss me, some boys hug me (Part 178)...

Frenching Fridays


This week's theme: Triples kisses!




POLT Listening to "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty By Nature

She is numb from the toes down.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Womanizer, you're a womanizer...

Okay, well all know how I feel about Britany Spears (and if you don't, just peruse the Palace a bit, it shouldn't take too long to find an appropriate derogatory comment).

I will say, however, the "Womanizer"...isn't totally awful. It's mildly appealing to me, just cause I think it would be fun to dance to. Kinda like "Toxic".

I will admit to enjoying the eye candy in the video...but I can enjoy that just as well with the sound muted.

However, I have discovered, thanks to Scott, of a video of it I can enjoy...and when watching it, the song doesn't seem so...Britany-eqaue.

"Womanizer" performed to American Sigh Language:



A cute guy, periodically showing his body, and presumably deaf, with pretty sweet dance moves makes nearly ANY song enjoyable. (Are you listening Nickelback?)

POLT Listening to "Womanizer" by...*shudder* Britany Spears

"No flirting with the cute guys in the cars we pass?" "No." DAMMIT!" - Polt

Part 176...

Shirtlessness du jour



POLT Listening to "Native Step" by Divine Oil: 54.34 (+1.47); gas: 2.04 (+.04)

It's pretty ugly in a great way. - Kelli, Project Runway 5

Undress me, will I look like a fool (Part 154)...

once more, it's time for...


I thought, after three years of doing this, and only two ass-shots the whole time, I should finally show a front shot. With no pants or underwear on. After much debating, thought and consideration, I decided to just go ahead and do it. The results are Right Here. You have been warned.

To see what others posted, click HERE.

POLT Listening to "Ride Of The Valkyries" by the Budapest Symphony Orchestra

I don't want to be flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water with my ankles bleeding while a herd of cats use me as a clawing post! - Polt

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Living to get his freak on, sporting his leopard skin thong...

Polt's Pop Quiz #8

What is the most disturbing thing in the photo below?


A) Joey's wearing a pink girly-esque thong.
B) Joey's apparently all wet, when everyone else is dry.
C) Joey's facial expression.
D) There is entirely too much fizz in the cup of beer.
E) There's apparently a SpongeBob SquarePants box at an adult party.
F) Nothing. Now just shut your piehole and enjoy the view.

Since I'm the one designing the quiz, I think the answer is obvious.

POLT Listening to "My Beautiful Friend" by The Charlatans UK

I'm not an 8 year old girl, but being a 38 year old gay man, I'm the next best thing. - Stephen Rader, Are You There, Blog? It's Me Stephen

Part 175...

Shirtlessness du jour

POLT Listening to "The Times They Are A-Changin'" By Bob Dylan Oil: 52.87 (-.55); Gas: 2.00 (+.04)

Crutches are only good for two things: getting awesome parking at the mall and sympathy dates with hot chicks. Otherwise, they'll just slow you down. - Dave Dunseath

Cut their hair short, wear shirts, and boots (Part 88)...

Wife Beater Wednesday

Today's theme: I'm feeling a little blue.





POLT Listening to "Clocks" by Coldplay"

"Ashbury Park, where The Boss started." "I don't like my boss." Bruce Springsteen, THE Boss, not your boss!" - A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Part 174...

Shirtlessness du jour



POLT Listening to "Warning" by Green Day Oil: 53.42 (-.21); Gas: 1.96 (+.07)

Bush's final State Of The Union Address and Groundhog Day fall in the same week. As it has been pointed out, "It's an ironic juxraposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involved a groundhog." - Donnie V2.0, Famous Like Me

I fell in love with a roller derby queen, around and round...

Roller Derby



Hot chicks in fishnets, fighting each other on wheels.
While it does nothing for me, I can certainly appreciate the allure for others.

POLT Listening to "Baby, It's A Wild World" from the Skins Soundtrack

Who cares? Enemy targets are in sight, and I'm off my meds! - The Blazing Skull, The New Defenders #1

An utterance, information, dont mince words (Part 132)...

TMI Tuesdays
These come from http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/.

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex? No, but I have Googled a few ex's. Just to see if they're in jail or wanted by the cops.
2. Do you gossip? I'm a gay man over 40, isn't it a given?
3. How many people do you completely trust? My mother, a few friends. Less than 10 total.
4. Have you ever had sex in car? The backseat, the frontseat, on the hood, and while I was driving. I guess only the trunk is left uniniated.
5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact? Throwing out a little double entrendre whilst gently touching the lad's arm or shoulder, laughing slowly and deeply and saying more with my eyes than I do with my words tends to work best.
Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period? Four. But with myself, it's about Eight or Nine. Oh, to be young again.

POLT Listening to "Aura" by The Church

Sybil...Sybil....Sybil....SHUT UP! - Simon Cowell, American Idol auditions

Monday, March 23, 2009

Micro kid with mega thoughts, he is real...

I haven't been posting much the last few days because I've been busy. So busy that I haven't even posted about it. I've been remiss in my blogging duties. In order to correct that, I give you now one large MEGA-post of my weekend:

1) Friday Night, March 20, 2009

After work, and checking on Mom I went over to the ParisPekings. We were going to eat, put the girls to bed, and then play a third, tie breaking game of Trivial Pursuit. Previously, the boys (Ghostie and A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking) won one game, and the girls (Mrs. A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking and I) won one game. This game would decide bragging rights.


VS.


We, the girls, we started out very strong. But then Baby Jackie woke up crying and by way of a feeding, she managed to suck all the mojo out of our team and we lost. It was, as Ghostie stated, Bros: 2, Hos: 1. *sigh* Who knew lactation could be so bad for a team's luck in a game? There were numerous photos taken during the game, which, since we lost, will not be shown (Screw you guys, if you want the photos you took to be shown, start your own freakin' blog!). I did, however take some other photos worth posting:

Yours Truly, holding Baby Jackie, prior to her becoming a good luck vampire and causing us to lose.



ALCMDPP and I had to go get the pizza and then get the sushi for the missus. he let me take the pizzas to his car while he went to the sushi place, and then I was to drive over and pick him up. only he has a fancy expensive car, which I felt quite intimidated to drive. But this is a photo of me behing the wheel of a big boy car...still parked in the lot, naturally.



This is the three Little ParisPekings during the meal: Baby Jackie, Katie and Abby.



Abby's showing me her purple fire truck, which I HAD to take a photo of, cause how often do you see a purple fire truck? Outside of my fantasies, of course.



Katie's showing me her...well, not purple firetruck. Not really sure what color it is. I'm not sure if she knows what color it is. hell, she's two. At least she stayed on the paper, ya know?


Baby Jackie post-leeching of our mojo.


Oh, also, Baby Jackie's taken to making fish faces randomly. I attempted to get a video of her doing so, then attempted to get her to say Mama. but it ended up with Baby Jackie just going into 3D mode.




(and yeah, the sound and the picture aren't in sync. Something happens when they get uploaded, they lose sync. I don't know.)

2a) Saturday, March 21, 2009

Firstly, after my repeated mentions of my weigh loss attempts, Mark (who is a frequent Puntabulous commentor, and a frequent comment here at the Palace, but who apparently has no blog of his own), challanged me to see which of us could lose the most weight. So, from now until sometime in September (the final date has not yet been decided), both he and I will list our weights here on Saturdays. And at the end of the time, one of us will be the winner. We haven't as yet decided if there's gonna be any prizes or anything, but we'll see.

This past week, I backslid. On Saturday I was 275, having gained two pounds back. But since the contest just started THIS weekend, it's no big thing. Mark said he was 262, and had a photo of the scales showing the weight. I wasn't imaginative to think of that, so I got nothing to show. Instead, I'll just put up Mark's photo for all to see. And it has been brung and it is now ON!

2b) Satruday Night, March 21, 2009

A few months ago, I created on Facebook, a group called Borders Exits. It's for any and all ex-employees of the Borders Bookstore in Hagerstown Maryland. I really thought I might get 6 or 7 people to join, it's now up to 30. Wow. Anyway, one of the ladies, Heather, who worked there from the opening until just last year (8 years in total), decided we should have a reunion. And since it was a Friday night tradition when I worked there to go to TGIFridays every night after closing, have a few beers, unwind, and bitch about work, Heather decided we should go there for the reunion. And thus plans were made.

I think she said around 12 people said they'd be there. 6 total showed up. But that just showed how awesomely cool those six of us were, and how much of losers everyone else was. (Well, not The Mightly Lee...he was intended to drive 5 hours to get here for it, but then came down with strep throat. So he can be excused for medical reasons)

Anyway, along with myself and Heather, there was Ghostie, my lil buddy Gilligan, and a lady we all called Mama (including me, even though she's only like two years older than me). I hadn't seen Mama for a few years, it was great to see her and catch up again. Also, I met a funtastic, funalicious, funariffic lady who I never had the pleasure of working with: Virginia! (time for icons!)





My GOD did we have fun! And Virginia and I are like old buddies now! She wore a purple shirt, as did I. We both, at the same time, started singing "Be My Baby" by the Ronettes! It's like we're the same person...except, well not. But still, I anticipate many many future fun occasions with Miss Virginia. And much to my surprise, I discovered that both Gilligan and Virginia are regular Palace visitors (shout outs to both of you!). And of course, I got some photos.

This would be Heather, Gilligan and Ghostie.



This is Virginia and Mama (and I was gonna 'photoshop the bad parts out' as someone suggested, but my crappy camera skills made the whole thing come out a bit blurry. Sorry).



And these two are of course of some cuties sitting at the next table. damn, that closer one looked extremely fine in the tight fitting turquoise shirt he was wearing!



Ah yes, Beer, Borders friends, Vanilla Bean Cheesecake, and Polt getting distracted by cute guys at other tables...it's just like any random Friday night when I worked at the bookstore!

3) Sunday, March 22, 2009

So in the late morning, I went to mom's. She unwrapped her knee and took the gauze off and then got a shwoer for the first time since Thursday. I sat in the living room and read the paper, but I insisted I be there when she got the first shower, cause I didn't want her to fall or something and not have someone there.

After this, I went to my friend's Bob and Don's house. Both of them, and their housemate Janet, and I had a great meal of pork roast, baked beans, and scalloped potates. I brought the dessert: mixed berry pie and ice cream. Oh and Pepsi too.

After this we talked quite a bit. Went to see their renovated guest house. Walked down to see the farm animals. Came back in the house and talked some more. Played a serious game of dominos (where they got 457 and 486 points, and I ended up getting 1042, which apparently was the most they had EVER seen anyone get. but hey, it was the first time I had ever played. And I AM a whore for notoriety). Talked some more. Went down to feed the animals. came back and talked some more. Yeah, a lot of talking, but I spent roughly eight hours there, so there was a lot of time to talk. And of course, I took photos:

This would be thier pack of dogs, clockwise from the lower left: Colby, Willow, Sam, Gracie, Beau, and Simba. Lady is somewhere off camera.



One of the two ducks who hissed at me. this one even had like a pompadour hairdo that he puffed up when he hissed at me. I tried to get a shot of that, but it didn't come out very well. But since I actually fed the animals by throwing a loaf of ripped up bread to them, i think maybe the ducks don't hate me anymore, and maybe won't hiss next time.



The peacock, one of the ducks, and part of the flock of guineas...stupid birds they are.



The white alpaca, named Winston. The black one, with the freaky white skull face design, is named Randall...which also happens to be Janet's ex-husband. I don't know if there's a connection there or not.



And my feet, surrounded by feathers, feed, hay, and goat, alpaca, guinea, rooster, chicken, peacock and baby goat shit. Lovely.


After my visit, I went back to mom's and hung out until she was ready to go to bed. This was gonna be her first night sleeping upstairs in her regular bed, and I did not want her going upstairs without someone there, so I followed her up, and she did fine. She even told me today, after I left, she had to back downstairs to get her toothbrush and then come back up on her own. *sigh*

4) Monday, March 23, 2009

Late this morning, I took mom to get her new glasses. Then we went to Wal-Mart so she could get a few things, returned the one set of crutches I had rented (she ended up being able to have insurance pay for apair, so she didn't need those) and then eat at Fuddruckers.

In Wal-Mart, she said she'd just use one of those scooter/cart thingees. We both knew this would be bad. First she gets in one, and can't figure out how to make it go. After about a minute, the greeter comes over to tell her that one's out of power, and she should try to other one. So she goes to the second one, gets it, hits go, and immediately rams her basket into the basket of the first scooter (the one with no power). So between her giggles, she finally gets the hang of moving forward...although whenever she stops, the whole thing jerks forward, throws her a bit into the handle and makes a 'screeching' noise. oh, I was cracking up.

It was only as we were heading towards the registers that she realized she didn't need to take her hand entirely off the go handle, she only needed to lighten the pressure and the thing stopped. But we both laughed about it.

I was walking alongside and got things off the shevles for her, but a few times, she had to get up and look at the stuff to decided which she wanted. The bacon, the eggs, even which particular brand of peach Jello she wanted. So there she goes, leaving the scooter behind, walking to the shelf, and carrying the crutch with her. Yeah, she wasn't having any pain on it, so she jsut carried the crutch. oh she used it to brace herself when she stood looking at the stuff, but that's it.

And the crutches...she first had it sticking out to the side, so that when she went by on the scooter, she'd be hitting people or knocking things off the shelves or what have you. Luckily, I caught that and changed it before she actually took off into the store. She had the crutch propped up, but, they fell over at the eye place...and at Fuddruckers. And when she got out of the car at home. They're actually more of a nuisance to her now than a help. And of course, I got just a few photos:

This is her on the sceond Scooter waving people by. They had come in the store and stopped to let her go first, but she waved them on laughing, sayin she didn't have the hang of it yet.



And this is her, with the crutch, rooting through the bacon to get "just the right pack".



And yes, I got a video as well, a short of her going through the store, stopping fast and even backing up.



We both laughed a lot at the beeping from the backing up thing. She said, "I sound like a big old fat dump truck or something backing up." It's always an adventure with Mama Polt.

And so, if any of you have hung on with me through all this, that pretty much was my weekend. Thanks for accompanying me on the trip.

POLT Listening to "Vogue" by Madonna Oil: 53.63 (+.87); gas: 1.89 (+.01)

Some days take less, but most days take more. - U2, Some Days Are Better Than Others