Keep your numbers mounting (part 54)...

 55 Fiction Fridays

Debbie had been questioning her religion for a long time. 

When she heard about Pastafarianism, 

she didn't think it could possibly be true.

But she went out to the woods anyway, 

to be alone and to meditate...

...and much to her surprise, it appeared

and she got to touch the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster itself !

POLT

PS

It's been since 2009 that I posted a 55 Fiction Fridays...and it's founder, G-Man has since sadly passed on.  But since it's April Fool's, I just decided, why they hell not?  And here we are. 

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 53)...

55 Fridays

(yeah, it's been awhile, but I've been busy)

One year, Rudolph caught a cold.
Coughing, sneezing, aches, a high fever.
The elves refused to clean the stable,
because a deer with a glowing nose
and post nasal drip is not something
anyone should see.
In order to save Christmas,
Santa had no one else to turn to except


Sammy, The Red-Hatted Guinea Pig.

POLT Listening to "With Or Without You" by U2

You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered, appallingest excuse for an anthropomorphic personification on this or any other plane! - Death, Sandman #8

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 52)....

55 Fiction Fridays

(concluding last week's storyline...by popular demand)

After leaving the city,
Curtis went to a small town in upstate New York.
He returned to his first love: painting.
He painted all the time, but
Soon his funds were running low.
He took a job at a local day care.
Now he paints with people that find it as fun as he does.



POLT Listening to "3AM Eternal" by The KLF

I gave you the best....minutes of my life! - Emmett, Queer As Folk

Keep your numbers mounting (part 51)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Curtis had a set schedule.
Wwake at 5, shower,
Toast with strawberry jam, coffee for breakfast,
Catch the train, at the bank by 8.
But one day, on the platform, he had an inspiration, and
Curtis stood still and let the subway pass him by.

Ever after, Curtis never missed what he had left behind.

POLT Listening to "Do You Thing" by Basement Jaxx

"What's the matter with you?" "He's got razor burn on his balls." - Brian, Queer As Folk

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 50)...

Downtown Toronto. Just off the main thoroughfare. Two am.
"Moonlight Serenade" by Glenn Miller,
Listening through shared iPod earbuds.
Swaying slowly to the sounds, holding each other tight.
His head upon my chest, my cheek upon his head,
Not wanting the night to end, but knowing it would.
Soon.



Fleeting in moment, forever in memory.

For the full story, you can click here.

POLT Listening to "I'm Just A Killer For Your Love" by Blur

Never buy a car you can't push.

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 49)....

55 Fiction Fridays

Jenny had never seen "the Ping Pong Ball Trick" in person.
Ryan said he could do it and agreed to show her.
He took the ping pong balls and left the room.
He returned, lowered his jeans and Calvin Kleins,
concentrated and...


Jenny got a faceful of air.
The balls were still in Ryan's hand.

POLT Listening to "Justify My Love" by Madonna

"This looks like a nice little town." "Try not to homo it up." - A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 48)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Vera, Milly and Agnes were a rambunctious trio.
They were kicked out of the Red Hat Society
for once wearing purple hats and red dresses.
They wanted to show up the old biddies in the club.
So they formed their own club:
The Spinsters With Spoons Society.



The meetings were naturally a rather quiet affair.

POLT Listening to "Another Brick In The WalL, Part 2" by Pink Floyd

I think you should leave. That was really creepy. There's something really disturbing about you. - Simon Cowell, American Idol auditions

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 47)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Daniel knew he had a problem,
When he started itching 'down there'.
The girl from Saturday DID seem a bit skeevy.
He couldn't see anything abnormal.
Awkward though it was, he asked his roommate.
Jacob looked and said he saw something.
He reached down, pulled it out, and showed him.



And Daniel promptly passed out.

POLT Listening to "Confusion" by New Order

"Ya know, Hillary and I don't agree on everything." "Anything." - Amy Poehler, as Hillary Clinton, SNL

55 Fiction Fridays

(still not feeling exceptionally creative, this is the best I could do this week)

After many years of experimentation,
And genetic manipulation,
Dr. Schekelsheimer finally succeded in this life's work.
He created a not-slow turtle!
By mucking with the DNA,
He created a turtle with legs too short
But it had other means of propulsion.
It was excessively gassy, and shot across the room,


Powered by it's own farts.

POLT Listening to "People Are People" by Depeche Mode

Over a year later, I was still looking for Mr. Right, more determined than ever not to settle for Mr. Right On My Face. - X, Culture Boys

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 46)...

55 Fiction Fridays

I haven't felt terribly creative lately, thus my absence from 55 Fiction Fridays. However, due to upcoming events, and a personal plea from the G-Man himself (how could I resist that?) I give you the following:

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night,

Seeing you go is such a pretty sight!

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu, to yieu, Condie and Cheney too!

So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen

You really won't be missed, I'm just sayin'.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

POLT Listening to "Something About You" by Level 42

I would say the best moment of (my presidency) was when I caught a seven and a half pound largemouth bass in my lake. - George W. Bush

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 45)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Little Cindy had a dream,
Of being a professional drummer, named "Flying Centurian!"
She set her drum set up in the park,
And the next thing she knew,
The lesbian with the horn showed up.
But when they played together,
This other chick went into a full blown seizure.


Cindy never played the drums again.

POLT Listening to "Set U Free" by N-Trance

Aren't you supposed to be off somewhere sticking your pena in some colada? - Debbie, Queer As Folk

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 44)...

55 Fridays

Halloween’s coming, what to wear?
In the past, I’ve gone as:
A vampire,
A Jewish grandmother,
The Floor of a Movie Theater,
A prison inmate,
And a candle.
Hmmm, with my protuberant gut, I could go as…


BRISTOL PALIN!
I’d need a wig, bigger boobs, and a decent shave,
But I could pull it off!

POLT Listening to "Invincible" by Muse

Strong mind, strong body...strive for at least one of them.

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 43)...

Benny borrowed money from the loan shark, bet big, and lost it all!
He got some vodka, drank it all, and passed out on his sofa.
So when they came to collect,
they just took what they needed to even up.
Imagine Benny's surprise when he woke up,


and discovered his entire house was gone!

POLT Listening to "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake

A government must make difficult decisions, especially in times of conflict, but it must never forget that the people bear the weight of it's choices. We do not have to become monsters to defeat monsters, not even in war. - Superman JLA #79

Keep your numbes mounting (Parts 43, 44, & 45)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Not sure why, but the last two weeks, I missed 55 Fridays totally. It somehow slipped my mind. So this week, I give you THREE 55 Fiction Fridays, to make up for it.

1)Kim was always a hairy girl.
In school, they called her Kim Kong.
Donny, her fiance, assured her he didn't care about her hairiness.
But in the middle of the wedding, in horror, she realized
She forgot to wax her moustache.


"Thanks for the shaving cream Donny," Kim asked him. "You got a razor too?"

2) Everyone enjoyed the bridal shower.
The games were fun.
They ALL loved the stripper, Fireman Freddy.
And the pole dancing class hilarious.
Until Sheila threw out her back and got stuck.
But it wasn't her back that was stuck.
Everyone could hear she was stuck from the from the front.


Just like a suction cup.

3) Times are tough all over, even in Oz.
The rubies were cut off the slippers,
The Emerald City is now just the Green Colored Burg.
The Great And Powerful is just Ozzy.
The Lollipop Guild is now just the Sticky Empty Stick Guild.


And the Yellow Brick Road is now just the Slate Slab Road.

POLT Listening to "History Repeating" by The Propellorheads

What kind of idiot ARE you? You got a plate in your head? - Ed, The Sock

Keep your numbers mountin (Part 47)...

55 Fridays

Louisa loved all horror movies,
But she preferred the classics.
She always wore a Bela Lugosi button on her shirts.
Her favorite tee was "I Was A Teen-Aged Werewolf."
A giant-sized "Creature From The Black Lagoon" poster adorned her bedroom wall.



So it was no surprise that she had a "Bride Of Frankenstein" themed wedding.

POLT Listening to "The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning" by the Smashing Pumpkins

They didn't talk, except for groans and shouts and whispers that were sometimes jokes and sometimes prayers. - Inheritance

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 41)...

55 Fiction Fridays

The Millard Fillmore High School Geek Club was overjoyed,
When their "Monty The Magic Anime Wizard" figures arrived.
Bruce was proud of his, but didn’t smile because of his braces.
Stewart was shy, as always, and cuddled his like a teddy bear, for comfort.
Wally, in the middle, was just embarrased by the whole scene.


POLT Listening to "Everything" by Alanis Morisette

I mean, if a guy who's not attracted to guys made out with a guy - I'm talking about tongues and everything - they'd barf. It's the same thing with me, and I'm not going to keep doing it with girls just because everybody else says it's terrific and normal. - Billy Conners, The Boys On The Rock

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 40)...

55 Fiction Fridays

This one is for my girl Susie!
She was all about her 120 crayons.
I only have the 64 box.
But mine's organized, colorwise.
Yellow, green, blue, purple, red, orange, and others.
All placed for easy finding and access,
Cause when you're looking for periwinkle,
You don't wanna be rooting around in oranges.
Go, purples!



POLT Listening to "Take California" by the Propellorheads

When cooking, under no circumstances, use roadkill as an ingredient. - Ziggy Zen

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 39)...

55 Fiction Fridays

As a child, James had loved comic books.
He always wanted to be a superhero.
Imagine his surprise when he discovered a magic ring,
That gave him rotating superpowers!
James flew, than without warning, he could run fast.
And then read minds!

It kinda sucked, though when his intangibility turned into a body of stone.

POLT Listening to "Everyday I Write The Book" by Elvis Costello Oil: 115.65 (+.06); Gas: 3.53 (-)
RealClearPolitics Poll Average: Obama +3.9
Look out, Stormy, she's drunker than a pickled skunk! - Uncle Sam, Freedom Fighters #8

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 38)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Susie had heard that Michael Phelps was going to be at the fair.
She had admired him for years,
And cheered for his victories.
Secretly, she held some inner sexual fantasies as well.
She worhipped him from afar,
And was anxious to meet him.
Imagine her disappointment,



When it was only Mike's cousin, Ike Phelps.

POLT Listening to "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park

Chump don't want no hep, chump don't get no hep. Jive ass fool ain't got no brains anyhow. - Jive Old Lady, Airplane

Keep your numbers mounting (Part 37)...

55 Fiction Fridays

Before Denise could warn him,
Bobby'd grabbed the bottle and was drinking.
Janice was looking the other way,
And didn't see Bobby snatching her bottle.
Bobby had been an ass all day,
So Denise didn't try to tell him,
Until he had finished most of it.



"That's the baby's bottle, filled with Janice's breast milk."

POLT Listening to "Across The Universe" by Rufus Wainwright

The universe is a nasty, chaotic place where mediocre second basemen make more money than the best schoolteacher. - Jim McLaughlin