Grabs my soul, shakes my body like a super bowl (2025 edition).....

 Super Bowl LX (60 in Arabic numerals) takes place this Sunday.   The New England Patriots vs The Seattle Seahawks.   And so it's now time for my totally and completely scientific analysis of the game to reveal my prediction as the outcome. 

1. The Cities

Patriots: Foxborough Massachusetts

About 18,600 people live there. And it houses the Patriots in Gillette Stadium, and......and that's about it.  Nothing else much going on here. 

Seahawks: Seattle, Washington

Population of about 781,000 people with a metro area of over 4 million people.   In addition tot the Seahawks, the city boasts a baseball team, soccer team, hockey team, women's basketball team, women's soccer team, professional rugby team, and professional cricket team.   Seattle has the Space Needle, the fish-throwing Pike's Place, Starbucks founding restaurant, several museums, and countless other points of interest and things to do. 

Winner: Seahawks

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2. Distance from Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is being played in Santa Clara California, which is located 45 miles from San Francisco and yet is somehow the San Francisco 49ers 'home' stadium.

Patriots: Foxborough is roughly 3100 miles from Santa Clara

Seahawks: Seattle is roughly 708 miles from Santa Clara.

Winner: Seahawks

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3. Logo/Mascot

profile of an android face wearing a long hat that's on fire at the end of it. 

Profile of a bird of prey's head, looking also like something from a totem pole, of which there are several in the Pacific northwest.  And the bird looks pissed too. 

Winner: Seahawks

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4. 2025 Season record

Patriots: 14-3 (.824)

Seahawks: 14-3 (.824)

Winner: Tie

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5. Coaches

Patriots: Mike Vrabel, 50 years old.   

He spent 7 years playing for the Patriots, as well as for a couple other years, the Steelers and the Chiefs.  He was Head Coach of the Tennessee Titans from 2018-2023, going 54-45.  This year is his first year as the Patriots Head Coach.  It's his first time to the Super Bowl as a Head Coach. 

Seattle: Mike McDonald, 38 years old. 

He's had multiple coaching positions but was made Seattle Head Coach in 2024.  In his two years, he's gone 24-10. 

Winner: Patriots

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6. Quarterback Experience

Patriots: Drake Maye, 23 years old.  Second year in the NFL and second year as Patriots QB, going 17-12 (,586).  This is first Super Bowl

Seahawks: Sam Darnold, 28 years old.  Eighth year in the NFL, he's playing QB for the Jets, the Panthers, the Niners, the Vikings, and the Seahawks, going 49-41 (.544). This is his first year with the Seahawks.  This is his first Super Bowl. 

Winner:  I don't know...I'm calling this one another tie. 

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7. Quarterback Face

Patriots: Drake Maye

Seahawks; Sam Darnold 

Winner:  Both are kinda, meh.  I'm gonna go with Drake Maye by a hair. 

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8. Quarterback Body

Patriots: Drake Maye

Seahawks: Sam Darnold

Winner: Both are kinda, meh.  I'm just gonna call this a tie. 

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9. Other Star Player

Seahawks: Cooper Cupp, 32 years old, wide reciever

First year playing with the Seahawks, but played for the Los Angeles Rams from 2017 to 2024.

Patriots: Um...do the Patriots even HAVE another star player????

Winner: Seahawks

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10. Team Super Bowl  Experience

Patriots: This will be the team's 12th Super Bowl.  Record is 6-5 (,545)

Seahawks: This will be the team's 4th Super Bowl.  Record is 1-2 (,333)

Winner: Patriots

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So, following this totally scientific and unbiased analysis, the result is: 

Seahawks - 4 wins, Patriots - 3 wins, Ties - 3.

Thus, the team hefting the Lombardi Trophy Sunday night will be...

The Seattle Seahawks!

However, I understand the numbers were really close.  So what's gonna push it over the top for the Seahawks is the following: 

Fuck tRump.  Fuck MAGA.  Fuck Robert Kraft.  Fuck The New England Patriots. 

POLT

PS

Just in case you're wondering how I've done in the past with my 'scientific' predictions, here's my track record: 

Season                Prediction                    Winner

2024        Chiefs                Eagles

2023        Chiefs                Chiefs

2022        Chiefs                Chiefs

2021        Rams                Rams

2020        Chiefs               Bucs

2019        Chiefs               Chiefs

2018        Rams                Patriots  

2017        neither              Eagles

2016        Patriots             Patriots

2015        Panthers           Broncos    

2014        Seahawks         Patriots    

2013        Seahawks         Seahawks

2012        Ravens             Ravens

2011        Patriots             Giants

2010        Packers             Packers

2009        Saints               Saints

2008        Cardinals          Steelers

2007        Patriots             Giants

2006        Colts                 Colts

2005        Seahawks         Steelers

Predicted Correctly: 10, Predicted Incorrectly: 9, Didn't predict at all: 1

POLT

Grabs my soul, shakes my body like a super bowl (2024 edition)...

 Super Bowl LVIX (59 in non-Roman numerals) is this Sunday.  The Philadelphia Eagles vs the Kansas City Chiefs.  Didn't we just DO this?  Yeah, yeah, we did, two years ago.   So we might as well use my stats from the game, those that haven't changed as well as those few who may have.

1. The Cities

Chiefs; Kansas City

Eagles: Philadelphia

Two years ago winner: Eagles

This year winner: Eagles

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2. Distance to the Super Bowl

This years it's in New Orleans not Phoenix.

Chiefs: 846 miles 

Eagles: 1224 miles

Winner: Chiefs

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3. Team Mascot/Logos

Two years ago winner: Chiefs

This year winner: Chiefs

Winner: Chiefs

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4. Coaches

Chiefs: Andy Reid

Eagles; Nick Sirianni

Two years ago winner: Chiefs

This year winner: Chiefs

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5. 2024 Season Record 

(including playoffs)

Chiefs: 17-2

Eagles: 17-3

Winner: Chiefs

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6. Quarterback Experience 

Chiefs: Since the last time they met in the Super Bowl, the Chiefs have won another Super Bowl

Eagles: Since the last time they met in the Super Bowl, the Eagles didn't even make it to the NFC Conference Game

Two year ago winner: Chiefs

This year winner: Chiefs

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7. Quarterback Face Cuteness

Same quarterbacks both years, faces haven't changed.

Two year ago winner: It was tie between Patrick Mahomes and Jalen Hurts.

This year winner: Again, a tie

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8. Quarterback Body Hotness

Same quarterbacks both years, same bodies. 

Two years ago: Eagles and Jalen Hurts

This year winner: Eagles and Jalen Hurts

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9. Team's Other Star Player

Chiefs: two Years ago, it was Travis Kelce

Eagles; Saquan Barkley

So we've got a large tight end with a much too bushy beard.  And we got a running back with freakishly HUGE thighs and bubble butt. 

Winner: Saquan Barkeley and the Eagles!

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10, Team's Super Bowl Experience

Chiefs: 4-2

Eagles: 1-3

Winner: Chiefs

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So, this completely scientific and unbiased study results in the following: 

Chiefs: 6 wins, Eagles: 3 wins, ties: 1

So the Chiefs are taking home their third straight Super Bowl trophy. 

POLT

PS

In case you're wondering oh how accurate my 'scientific' predictions are, here are the results over the years: 

Season     My Pick           Winner

2023        Chiefs               Chiefs

2022        Chiefs               Chiefs

2021        Rams                Rams

2020        Chiefs               Bucs

2019        Chiefs               Chiefs

2018        Rams                Patriots  

2017        neither              Eagles

2016        Patriots             Patriots

2015        Panthers           Broncos    

2014        Seahawks         Patriots    

2013        Seahawks         Seahawks

2012        Ravens             Ravens

2011        Patriots             Giants

2010        Packers             Packers

2009        Saints               Saints

2008        Cardinals          Steelers

2007        Patriots             Giants

2006        Colts                 Colts

2005        Seahawks         Steelers

Predicted correctly: 10; Predicted incorrectly: 8; and 1 I didn't predict at all.  

Grabs my soul, shakes my body like a Super Bowl (2023 edition)...

 Super Bowl LVIII (58 for you non-Roman numeral literate) is fast approaching, and that means it's time for me use my scientific evaluations and make a prediction as to the winner: the Kansas City Chiefs or the San Francisco 49ers.

1. The Cities

Chiefs: Kansas City

(I just copied this part from last year)

A population of a 2.3 and some million (in the metro area).  It's got one other professional sports team, the Royals of baseball.  There's really not a whole more else to report about Kansas City (although it was nice to find a pic of their Union Station all lit up in purple).

Niners: San Francisco

San Francisco proper is some 800,000 people, but the metro area has a population of more than 3.5 million people. In addition to the Niners, baseball's Giants and basketball's Golden State Warriors play within the area.  There's also a whole host of important site: Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, cable cars, The Castro, Fisherman's Wharf, and many museums, theaters, colleges, universities, and many cultural places, events and areas. 

Winner: Niners

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2. Distance from the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl is in Las Vegas this year. 

Chiefs: 1,350 miles away 

Niners: 576 miles away 

Winner: Niners

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3. Team Mascot/Logos

Chiefs: 

Niners: 

Hmm, so they're both just letters of the cities names.  Pretty boring.  But the Chiefs at least have an arrowhead, while the Niners have.....an oval.  Which has nothing whatsoever to do with San Francisco or a 49er.  

Winner: Chiefs

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4. Coaches

Chiefs: Andy Reid

 Andy Reid is 65 years old.  He's been a coach, at all levels, since 1982 (41 years).  He's been the Chief's head coach for 10 years.  And in fact, he was the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles for 13 years.  This will be Andy's 5th Super Bowl, his record in the previous three are 2-2, two wins with the Chiefs, and a loss with both the Eagles and the Chiefs.  He's led the team to 6 AFC Championship Games in a row, and three Super Bowls in 4 years.

Niners: Kyle Shanahan

Kyle Shanahan is 44 years old (he was just out of diapers when Andy Reid started coaching).  He's held various NFL assistant coaching positions since 2004, and the head coach of the Niners since 2017.  He's led the Niners to 4 NFC Championship Games in 5 years, and to one previous Super Bowl, 4 years ago, which he lost....to the Kansas City Chiefs and Andy Reid. 

Winner: Chiefs

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5. 2023 Season Records

Chiefs: 11-6 regular season (65%), total record 14-6 (70%)

Niners: 12-5 regular season (71%), total record 14-5 (74%)

Winners: Niners

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6. Quarterback Experience

Chiefs: Patrick Mahomes, 28 years old

He has been quarterback of the Chiefs since 2017.   In that time, he has a regular season record of 75-22 (77% win rate), a postseason record of 13-3 (81% win rate), taken his team to the AFC Championship game 6 out of the 7 season he's played, and this will be his fourth Super Bowl.  He's won 2 Super Bowls and been a Super Bowl MVP.  He holds 13 NFL records himself.

Niners: Brock Purdy, 24 years old

This is his second season in the NFL, both with the Niners. His regular season record is 17-4 (having only started 5 games last season, for a win rate of 81%), a post season record of 4-1 (80% win rate).   This is his first Super Bowl.  I am sick to tears of the "Mr. Irrelevant" Schick, so I'll not go any further into it here.  

Winner: Chiefs

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7. Quarterback Face Cuteness

Chiefs: Patrick Mahomes

Niners: Brock Purdy

Purdy isn't bad but kinda....average.  Mahomes, however, I have always found attractive.

Winner: Chiefs

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8. Quarterback Body Hotness

Chiefs: Patrick Mahomes

Niners: Brock Purdy

They've been making jokes about Mahomes' "dad bod" which I don't see.  I mean, yeah he doesn't have ripped abs, but it's not a dad bod.  And Purdy,  we;; he's got some pretty sweet biceps, pecs and nips.

Winner: TIE

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9. Team's Other Star Player

Chiefs; Travis Kelce

Kelce is a tight end and he's 34 years old.  He's played for the Chiefs since 2013 and the Super Bowl will be the 21st playoff game he's played in. 

Niners: Christian McCaffrey

McCaffrey is 27 years old. He's been in the NFL since 2017, playing with Panthers until traded to the Niners in 2022.  This will be the 7th playoff game he's played in. 

So, attractiveness wise, I'm not into bears, and mid-20s guys are better than mid-30s guy.  So that would seem to point to McCaffrey.  But Kelce has a much more impressive resume, which should point to Kelce.  And that being the case this SHOULD be a tie.

However.  With his vaccination advocacy, and Taylor Swift, and the way the both, separately AND together make the heads of the MAGA wingnuts explode, the winner HAS to be.... 

Winner: Chiefs

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10. Team's Super Bowl Experience

Chiefs: This will be the Chiefs 6th Super Bowl, with a record of 3-2 (60%)

Niners: This will be the Niners 8th Super Bowl, with a record of 5-2 (71%)

In both the number of appearances and the percentage of wins, the winner is...

Winner: Niners

So after this completely scientific and totally unbiased analysis, we have the following: 

Chiefs - 5 wins, Niners - 4 wins, ties - 1

Thus, this at the end of this year's Super Bowl, the Kansas Chiefs will be hefting the Lombardi Trophy again.

POLT

PS

Just in case you're wondering what my track record on these "scientific" predictions:

Season     My Pick           Winner

2022        Chiefs               Chiefs

2021        Rams                Rams

2020        Chiefs               Bucs

2019        Chiefs               Chiefs

2018        Rams                Patriots  

2017        neither              Eagles

2016        Patriots             Patriots

2015        Panthers           Broncos    

2014        Seahawks         Patriots    

2013        Seahawks         Seahawks

2012        Ravens             Ravens

2011        Patriots             Giants

2010        Packers             Packers

2009        Saints               Saints

2008        Cardinals          Steelers

2007        Patriots             Giants

2006        Colts                 Colts

2005        Seahawks         Steelers

Predicted correctly: 9; Predicted incorrectly: 8; and 1 I didn't predict at all.