Grabs my soul, shakin' through my body like a Super Bowl (2016 season edition)...

So, the Super Bowl.  The New England Patriots vs The Atlanta Falcons.  I really don't care.  But let's see if I can figure out who the winner's going to be anyway.  Let's look at certain categories.

1) CITIES

Patriots: Foxborough, Massachusetts

The team plays in Gilette Stadium, located in Foxborough Massachusetts.  It's a town of about 17000 people roughly south of Boston.

Falcons: Atlanta, Georgia

Atlanta is a large Southern metropolis of almost 450,000 people.

Winner: Falcons
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2) Distance from Host City

The Super Bowl is being played in Houston Texas this year.

Patriots: Fosborough to Houston: 1865 miles
Falcons: Atlanta to Houson: 793 miles

Winner: Falcons
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3) Coaches

Patriots: Bill Belicheck

He is 64 years old.  He's been the Patriots coach since 2000.  This will be his 7th Super Bowl, having won 4 and lost 2.

Falcons: Dan Quinn

He is 46 years old.  He's in his second year as Falcons coach.  He was defensive coordinator of the Seattle Seahawks when they won the Super Bowl, but he's never won as a head coach.

Winner: Patriots
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4) Quartback Face

Patriots: Tom Brady

Falcons: Matt Ryan

Meh.  Neither of them are eye-candy-esque.

Winner: Tie
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5) Quarterback body

Patriots: Tom Brady

Falcons: Matt Ryan

Meh. Again, neither of them are particularly remarkable...

Winner: Tie
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6) Quarterback Experience

Patriots: Tom Brady, 39 years old.  Has been in the NFL since 2000 (17 seasons), 6 Super Bowl appearances, 4 Super Bowl wins, 3 Super Bowl MVPs, 12 times Pro Bowl Selection

Falcons: Matt Ryan, 31 years old.  Has been in the NFL since 2008 (9 seasons), 0 Super Bowl appearances, 4 times Pro Bowl Selection

Winner: Patriots
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7) Other Star Player

Patriots: Rob Gronkowski

Tight End, 27 years old, looks okay in a tight Under Armour wife beater.

Falcons: Julio Jones

Wide receiver, 28 years old, has dreads and a hairthing and looks SEXY in an Under Armour wife beater.

Plus, Gronkowski is not going to be playing due to being injured.  So with that, and the super sexy hotness of Jones....

Winner: Falcons
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8) 2016 records

Patriots: 14-2, number one seed in the AFC

Falcons: 11-5, number two seed in the NFC

Winner: Patriots
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9) Team Logo

Patriots:

It's a face with apparently a Revolutionary type hat on it's head and flames or something trailing behind it.  Frankly, it looks like an odd shaped, odd colored sperm.

Falcons:

So it's a metallic looking, bird shape looking like its ready to swoop in an catch some prey.

Winner: Falcons
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10) Team Super Bowl History

Patriots: They have played in 8 Super Bowls, they've won 4 and lost 4.

Falcons: They have played in 1 Super Bowl and they lost.

Winner: Patriots
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So the final tally is Patriots 4, Falcons 4, 2 ties.  So it's all tied up.

Whoop-pie.  Like I said, I dont really care about either of these teams.  I'm totally apathetic about the Falcons, but I don't like the Patriots at all.  I'm tired of them, tired of seeing them in the Super Bowl.  So, in my heart, I want to Falcons to win....but in my head, I know the Patriots are going to win.

So my pick is, The New England Patriots to win.  However, looking back over the last 11 years and the predictions I made here on the Palace concerning the Super Bowls,  I can say that I have pick 5 correctly and 6 incorrectly.  So my predictions have not been terribly impressive.

Much as I fear the game itself will be.....

POLT