Super Bowl LVI (56 to the Roman Numeral deficient among you) is tomorrow, and now it's time for my scientific analysis of who will win: The Los Angeles Rams or The Cincinnati Bengals.
(honestly, for the first time in YEARS, I don't have a team to root FOR (like the Cowboys, Chiefs or the Ravens) or a team to root AGAINST (like Tom Brady's team or the Packers, or the Steelers or the Niners). I'm actually kind of ambivalent about who I want to win.)
1) Cities
Rams: Los Angeles California
A population of 3.967 million people, it's got earthquakes and mudslides, but it also has Hollywood, and a great climate year round...and California voted for Biden.
Bengals: Cincinnati Ohio
A population of 301.000, its uber conservative (this is where Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine was prosecuted), and Ohio voted for tRump. The only good thing I can come up with is that WKRP was in Cincinnari. That's all I got.
Winner: Rams.
********************
2. Distance from Cities to Super Bowl
For the second year in a row and only the second time ever, the Super Bowl is being played in the home stadium of one of the teams playing, so....
Winner: Rams.
********************
3. Team Mascot/Logo
Rams:
Bengals:
Eh....I don't know....neither of them stand out to me, nor repulse me, so the logos would be a tie. But as for the mascots....Tigers hunt and eat sheep, therefore....
Win: Bengals
********************
4. Coaches
Rams: Sean McVay
36 years old, has been a head coach since 2017. He was in the Super Bowl once before in 2018, but the Rams lost. His career head coaching is 61-29.
Bengals: Zac Taylor
38 years old, has been a head coach since 2019. This is the first of his three seasons where the team had a winning season. HIs career head coaching is 16-32.
Winner: Rams
********************
5. 2021 Season Record
Rams: 15-5 (including playoffs)
Bengals: 13-7 (including playoffs)
Winner: Rams
********************
6. Quarterback Experience
Rams: Matthew Stafford, 34 years old, has been in the NFL since 2009, passer rating this season: 91.1, career record, including playoffs: 89-98-1 (.476)
Bengals; Joe Burrow, 25 years old, has been in the NFL since 2020 (only 2 seasons), passer rating this season: 100.2, career record, including playoffs: 15-13-1 (53.4)
Winner: Bengals
********************
7. Quarterback Face Cuteness
Rams: Matthew Stafford
Bengals: Joe Burrow
Winner; Bengals
********************
8. Quarterback Body Hotness
Rams: Matthew Stafford
Bengals: Joe Burrow
Winner: Gotta go with the more muscly Burrow here, so Bengals.
********************
9. Other Star Player
Rams: Cooper Kupp
Bengals: Ja'Marr Chase
Winner: Ya know, honest to GOD, I can't choose between them, they are both so cute/hot in their own ways, so....Tie
*********************
10. Team's Super Bowl Experience
Rams: They've been in 4 Super Bowls (two as the St. Louis Rams, but still), record is 1-3.
Bengals: They've been in 2 Super Bowls, record is 0-2.
Winner: Rams
So, according to this completely and totally scientific analysis of the upcoming game, the stats say:
Rams: 5, Bengals: 4, and Ties: 1.
Therefore, the Rams will be winning their second Super Bowl, keeping the Bengals winless in their Super Bowls.
POLT
PS
Just in case you're wondering what my track record on these "scientific" predictions:
Season My Pick Winner
2020 Chiefs Bucs
2019 Chiefs Chiefs
2018 Rams Patriots
2017 neither Eagles
2016 Patriots Patriots
2015 Panthers Broncos
2014 Seahawks Patriots
2013 Seahawks Seahawks
2012 Ravens Ravens
2011 Patriots Giants
2010 Packers Packers
2009 Saints Saints
2008 Cardinals Steelers
2007 Patriots Giants
2006 Colts Colts
2005 Seahawks Steelers
Predicted correctly: 7; Predicted incorrectly: 8; and 1 I didn't predict at all.
So, take that for what it's worth.
No comments:
Post a Comment