So, last night, while laying bed before going to sleep, I was putzing around the apps on my iPhone (as you do) and while I was on Grindr (dont judge me) I noticed a new photo with a black guy on it.  So I checked it out.

It was Kris.  With another old white guy.  It said they were looking for a third for threesomes.

And I felt like someone had punched me square in the ribcage and my stomach had dropped to my feet.

I dont know what Kris and I ever really were.  I know I wanted us to be more than he was interested in being.  And I've known for some time he didn't feel the same way about me that I did about him.  In fact, we've not been...intimate since, well probably late last year.  Oh we've hung out, and done things, and talked and had good times, but no bedtimesexxyfun.  And I've been okay with that, because I knew our lives were moving in different directions, but I still care about him and wanted to be friends.  Honestly.  I know, it sounds cliched, but it's true.

Since the late spring, I've been trying to ween myself off him: seeing him less and less and trying on continue to think of him as ONLY a friend and not in other terms.  And I thought that plan was working well.

And then I saw this last night.  *SIGH*

Perhaps I'm not as over him as I thought I was. I assumed Kris was playing with other guys, just as I've been doing.  But to see visual proof of it...well, that's I guess what the issue was for me.   For about a half hour last night around midnight, I lay in bed, my mind running a mile a minute about all this stuff.  To get myself calmed down enough to sleep, I masturbated (that always makes me tired) and then was able to sleep.

And upon waking today...I'm pretty much over it.  It's just last night...wow, what a shock.

Emotions suck.

POLT