TMI Tuesdays

Wow, with this week's questions, we're just cooking with gas.

1. Are your farts; a. Silent but deadly b. All sound, no fury c. Loud and stinky All of the above, baby! But thankfully, not all at the same time. I think that would hurt.
2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it. I’m sure I HAVE farted in front of a lover, but I don’t recall any specific instance. I do recall a former lover throwing the blankets over both of us, wrapping me up tight like he wanted to cuddle, and then farting and lauging his ass off.
3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it? Nah, if I’m around someone and I fart, I usually claim it.
4. What food triggers you? Beans, eggs, the usual.
5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all? WE call them Queefs in these parts, and I’m thankfully NEVER been exposed to any of that. I doubt if I were involved in a Queef, that I would having a good time, cause it would mean I’m around a vagina. Full of air. Ewwww….
Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under? No, I haven’t, but I have had that done me see #2. Around here we call that a Dutch Oven. (Wonder why we have such wonderful names around these parts?)

POLT

I bought a map, so i could find my way...

Just in case anyone missed it, today, the Iraqi Prime Minister's spokesman said that Iraq would like to see the American troops out of Iraq by the end of 2010. Also, the Iraqi Vice-President said the same thing, he would like to have American troops out by Dec. 31, 2010.

The end of 2010. hmm, is that closer to Obama's 16 months or McSame's 100 years?

Really is a slap in the face, isn't it, when the government that Bushie and his ilk put into place, now totally ignore everything Bushie's said and embraced the opposition? Obama wants the troops home, the American people want the troops home, now the Iraqi's want to troops home. Think any of the Republicans are listening to this?

Actually, I watched the BillO The Clown tonight to see the Fox Noise spin on this, and Billo and two retired generals were all saying how Obama's probably not going to learn very much by only spending a few days in Iraq. Of course, they didn't address the Iraqi statements at all. And by the way, exactly how many days has McSame spent in Iraq that he learned all his knows about foreign policy.

Which brings up another nifty issue: Today on TV, McSame stated something about the "Iraq-Pakistan border". Someone really needs to show him a map. Afghanistan borders Iraq. Don't believe me? See below:


See, there's two countries, Iran and Afghanistan, between Iraq and Pakistan. And while this gaffe alone isn't much...except that McSame has already referred to Czechoslovakia twice...which ceased to exist back in the early 90's and because two seperate countries. And he doesn't know the difference between Sunni and Shite Muslims. And he needs to be corrected by Joe Lieberman about Al-Queda, not Iran, supporting troops in Iraq.

McSame has already stated he's not real up on economic issues. His domestic policy was devised by a man, Phil Gramm, who called us whiners and set up the Enron Exception so oil speculators can drive the price of oil up. McSame's whole thing was foreign policy and his stand on Iraq. And now, the leaders of Iraq are closer to Obama's vision than they are to McSame's vision.

What exactly DOES McSame have left to run on?

POLT Listening to "Houses Of The Holy" by Led Zepplin Oil: 131.86 (+2.76); gas: 3.95 (-.04)

Our enemies may never be as bad as we think. And we may not be as good. - Amanda Waller, JLU

You're wantin' my body, I don't mind (Part 156)...

MONDAY'S HOT SHIRTLESS GUY PHOTOS

Well, kids, this is the 3rd Anniversary of Monday's Hot Shirtless Guy Photos! It's the first daily feature I incorporated at the Palace, starting barely a month after I started the blog itself. You can find the very first one, in all its little humbleness, here.

I've decided to commemorate this occasion by having this week's theme be: Threesomes! No, not sexual threesomes, unfortunately. Just photos of THREE hot shirtless guys for you all to enjoy. All kinds of guys.

I got Guys In Caps:


Guys In Shades:


Guys Wearing Necklaces:


Guys Drinking Beer:


And Guys With ALL Of The Above:

(I'm fairly certain these Guidos are right outta Jersey. Just sayin...)

I got Guys In The Desert:


And Guys By The Water:

Throwing signs, fishing, and...just looking good.

I got Guys In Shorts:


Guys In Jeans:


And Guys (all blonde) in Khakis:


I got Guys With Cowboy Hats Up On Their Heads:


And Guy Saggin' Low Around Their Waists:

(Some with their shirts up, some with their shirts off)

I got Guys With Hot Abs:


(Some with their shirts up, some with their shirts off)

I got Guys In Various States Of Non-Shirtitude:

(shirt up, shirt open, shirt off)

I got Guys That Are Asians:


Guys That Are Blacks:


And Guys In Three Different Hues:

(white, tan, and pale)

I got Guys So NOT Differnt, They're Identical:


I got Guys At The Beach:


Guys Fishing:


Guys At A Game:


Guys At A Concert Singing:


And Guys At An Oil Wrestling Competition:

(Waiting to compete no less)

Of course, I got Guys That Are Models:





And I got Guys In Bed:


Just in case anyone is wondering, that's 90 Hot Shirtless Guys total today, not including any residual ones that may be lurking in the backgrounds. And if I could, I'd join each and every one of them in a situation like in the last photo above. I'd do that because, simply put, I am a whore.

Hope you enjoyed the views. Keep coming back, there's plenty more where they came from.

POLT Listening to "Ava Adore" by The Smashing Pumpkins

No matter how old she is, a mother watches her middle-aged kids for signs of improvement.

I'm a word pecker out of the printers...

I had a printer. It was a little HP piece of crap that took forEVER to print anything, when it decided to print at all, that is. Sometimes, it would just lock up and sit there and do nothing. And OH, how it pissed me off.

I had mentioned this to mom and told her I was thinking of getting a new one. And since I wasn't too fond of my scanner (always a drama I had to go through to scan anything...that, a prayer, several swear words, and several minutes after I started the scan, and then it always came back distorted that I had to fix....but I digress), I told her I was looking at getting one of those combo deals: printer/scanner/copier/fax things. She was all excited about that, because now that she wasn't working anymore, she didn't have access to a fax. I asked how often she needed to use a fax, if she wasn't working anymore, but she scoffed at me and told me one never knew when one would need a fax. ...okay.....

So, about a month ago, I saw in the paper Staples had this combo thingee, and with the $50 rebate, it was only $129. Okay, that I could afford. So I went and got it.

And then it sat in the box on my floor for two weeks. A bundle of energy am I.

When I finally got up the gumption to do something about it, I removed my old printer and scanner (they're still sitting in the dining room...c'mon, I didn't have THAT much gumption), took the new one out of the box, took all the packaging tape off of it, and such, and check the directions. It was then I realized I was gonna have a small issue, because included within was telephone cable to hook up the fax. And see, the issue is, I only have a cell phone, no house phone. SO, no faxing. Not that I really wanted to fax anything anyway, and when I broke the news to mom, she was pretty blase` about it too.

So i continued on, and I came to my second small issue: There was no USB cable included to plug it in to the computer. I was somewhat upset, seeing as how I had my gumption all up and all, and now I couldn't finish. But later in the week, Phoenix and I were going out to eat, so I figured we'd just go then and get something. I left the combo thingee, all the ink cartridges and cables sitting next to my computer.

Later in the week, when Phoenix got there, I explained the situation, telling him we might have to go get a cable in our travels, when a light bulb went off in my head. I suddenly realized the OLD printer had a USB cable still attached to it! Maybe that would work! And lo and behold, it did! So i had the USB cable attached to the combo thingee, and...then Phoenix and I went out for pizza. After he left that night, I looked at the combo thingee and thought about continuing the putting-together-of it...but I had lost my gumption from earlier in the week. Apparently, gumption is something like sex with me: I don't get it as often as I'd like, and it never lasts as long as I want it to. But I digress.....

Fast forward two MORE weeks, to today. I finally feel like giving it a try. But looking on through the directions, I notice there not only hardward setup but software setup, and I'm thinking I'm gonna be here all night, and probably on the phone with some tech support guy from Bagalore, India who's English is as good as my Punjabi. But no, less than a half hour later, I had printed off a letter and photo as tests, and they printed easily and quickly, and I was quite satisfied. I have to try the scanner or the copier, but that'll happen soon, I hope. In the meantime, enjoy a photo of my new combo thingee!



And as for the rebate....I've got until the end of August to find the gumption to get that stuff together and sent in.

POLT Listening to "Leave Out All The Rest" by Linkin Park

On the other hand, go screw yourself. - Sir John Gielgud, Arthur

Drive my mini-Cooper, and I'm feeling super-duper (Part 8)...

Superman Sundays

Honestly, with those arms, that tummy and the shorts, how many of you took a few minutes to even SEE the Superman symbol? I got my hand up, c'mon now, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

POLT Listening to "So Far Away" by Social Distortion

Nuke 'em till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark!

Let's get unconscious, honey (Part 114)...

Unconscious Mutterings

These come each week from http://subliminal.lunanina.com/

I say ... and you think ... ?

Flicker :: Photos
Styling :: Gel
Episode :: TV Show
Sexier :: Shirtless
Studious :: Books
Mushroom :: Cloud
8 minutes :: Masturbation
Bald :: Shiney
Immunity :: White Blood Cells
Sectioned :: Divided

POLT Listening to "Goodbye Horses" by Psycho Oil:129.10 (+.22); Gas: 3.99 (-.01)

Money is like a big dick. It's nice if you have it, but the fact you give me some is not going to make me love you. - Dan Renzi

Both agreeing it was best...

Iraqi President Nuri al-Maliki gave an interview with the German magazine Speigel that was published today. In it, he said two very interesting things:


"So far the Americans have had trouble agreeing to a concrete timetable for withdrawal, because they feel it would appear tantamount to an admission of defeat. But that isn't the case at all. If we come to an agreement, it is not evidence of a defeat, but of a victory, of a severe blow we have inflicted on al-Qaida and the militias."


And later...


"U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama talks about 16 months. That, we think, would be the right timeframe for a withdrawal, with the possibility of slight changes."


This is my only question: If the leader of the nation we're currently occupying, the same leader that was the specific guy we wanted as a leader, says these things, will Bushie and McSame still think they know better than everyone else in the world and ignore what is obvious to everyone except possibly them, that being that we need to get the hell out of Iraq. Just as Obama's been saying all along.


Won't it be a refreshing change, come this January, when we have a president of Iraq and a president of the USA who share the same idea for our troops in Iraq?

POLT Listening to "20th Century Boy" by T. Rex

Marge, I'm not popular enough to be different! - Homer, The Simpsons

My baby's got a secret (Part 84)...

Secret Saturdays

POLT Listening to "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie Oil:128.88 (+.38); gas: 4.00 (-)

Listen, whoever thought about modernizing this room deserves a lot of credit. Like, there's very little oxygen in here anymore. - George W. Bush

That's the price you have to pay...

I'm not sure how many, if any, of you check out the Oil/Gas prices I include at the end of each post, but I noticed something interesting lately:

Date - Oil - Gas
0714 - 145.01 - 3.98
0715 - 138.65 - 4.00
0716 - 134.98 - 4.00
0717 - 130.10 - 4.01
0718 - 128.50 - 4.00

By my calculations, that means in the last five days, the price of a barrel of oil has fallen $16.51 a barrel and the average price of a gallon of gas in my area has, in the same five day stretch, increased a total of two cents a gallon.

If it's all "supply and demand" then why hasn't the price of gas fallen at the same rate. the price of gas certain INcreases as fast as the price of oil. Oh I know, there's a whole HOARD of economic, industry, and international factors that I, as an average joe American, is not privvy to.

Yeah. that's actually a load of horseshit. I say again, the problem with the price of oil is that oil company executives are greedy sons-of-bitches out to get their obscene profits by gouging the public at the pumps.

POLT Listening to "Angel" by Massive Attack

The last thing TV needs is more beautiful people, unless they're being eaten by wild animals. - Ellen DeGeneres

I was no dark knight, breaking men like ice...

So, last night I saw The Dark Knight. At 12:01 am.

It all started with the group meeting at TGIFridays at 10:00. It was me, Ag, A Local Celebrity Mr. David ParisPeking, Ghostie, Don, and his friend from California Mark.


Sorry, no icon for Mark.

We had a few drinks, some snacks, and a load of fun. I accurately predicted the ALCMDPP would order a side salad with honey mustard dressing (he's such a creature of habit). We dicussed the Road Trip to White Castle, and I discovered to my mortication that ALCMDPP had originally picked Ghostie first. I was his second choice. but then Ghostie called Mrs. ALCMDPP unattractive (sorta) so that all made up for it. The trip to baltimore to see Rent and our problems with Garmin on the return were discussed. My singing ability, or lack thereof, was discussed, and we realized Don (and Mark) were the only ones NOT to have heard me sing. We talked about Toronto. We talked about Rent coming to DC again, as well as a revival of West Side Story. Strangely, Ghostie sang with me some lyrics from that musical. Ghostie hates musicals. Even stranger, we found out the Ghosite would 'do' Bruce Willis. This, along with the musical-thing, forced us all to reevaluate our position on Ghostie's sexuality. We discussed the upcoming movie, as well as the upcoming Watchmen. We discussed the daughter of ALCMDPP and how two of the three pray for my soul and love me. more thatn ALCMDPP himself (or so I say). We discussed many other topics which i can't at this moment recall. But there was much laughter, drinking, eating, and talking.

And then we went to the movie. We got to the theater shortly at 11:00pm. Ghostie had already gotten the tickets for us, so we could go right in. Even so, we could get seats together. Ag and Mark volunteered to sit down in front. ALCMDPP and Ghostie sat together. And Don and I sat together further back. We saw three people done up in Joker makeup, which is the exact number ALCMDPP predicted previously. And finally the movie started.

They showed a Watchmen trailer, which gave me a woodie right there in the theater, just as it does whenever I view it here at home online. I can't WAIT for that movie. And one the lights went down, Don and I got very surreptiously touchy-feely with each other. Gotta love that.

BUT, the movie itself...okay, I've kept you in suspence long enough. My first thought on it is: I was LONG! But there was an incredible amount of stuff going on. Loved the character progression of Harvey Dent. Heath Ledger as The Joker was truly frightening, just as the character should be, not somewhat campy like Jack Nicholson. It was an outstanding movie, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

having said all that, i don't like it lived up to my expectations. I don't know what I expected that didn't occur, but it just seemed there would be...more. Don't get wrong, as I said I LOVED it, but it still wasn't as good as I expected it to be.

Perhaps I am just whining, cause I can recall two different places when I actually gasped and clapped, along with several other people in the audience. There were surprises in it. And everthing was well paced and well written.

But one big reget? That there was no character in it that looked like this:


Other than that, and the small bit of unexpectation I felt, the movie was the best. And I'd highly recommend it.

POLT Listening to "Little Fluffy Clouds" by The Orb

It's time for those who talk about family values to start valuing families. - John Kerry, July 29, 2008

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me (Part 142)...

Frenching Fridays

Theme: Kisses Up Close






POLT Listening to "The Thin Ice" by Pink Floyd Oil:128.50 (-1.60); Gas: 4.00 (-)

It's easier for political interests to manipulate the masses when they are scared of something. - Tim Rowland, May 15, 2005

I'm the night watchman, i make the rounds...

I'm going to tonight to see the new Batman movie with some friends. 12:01am, and I'll be in the theater, all a-goose-bumped.

While I am very much looking forward to this, I saw something today on Stephen Rader's Blog that got me even more excited. I doubt it'll get as much media coverage as the Batman movie, and I doubt it will do as well, but just the fact that they're making this movie, and from the trailor, making it well, just gives me that warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy.



wow...watching it again.....wow. Just...wow.

POLT Listening to "Countdown With Keith Olberman" Oil: 130.10 (-4.88); Gas: 4.01 (+.01)

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emporer has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit and the emporer remains an emporer. - Dream, Sandman #60

Undress me, will I look like a fool (Part 118)...

Once more it's time for...


Well, kids, last Friday evening about 7:00, I got something in my eye. Don't know what it was. Coulda been a bit of a peanut shell from all the peanuts I was eating. Coulda been an errant eyelash. Could been a large mote of dust, who knows? All I know is that, while it didn't hurt like a sharp pain at all times, when I blinked, I could feel something up in there, and it hurt. And my eye watered, and I couldn't focus, or even comfortably keep my eye open.

I wiped at my eye. I pulled the upper lid down over the lower to make it water. I splashed water up into it. I wiped at it some more. I stood under the shower and ran water into it. I wiped at it some more. I lifted the upper lid up and the lower lid down, trying to see if I could see what was there.

Finally, a bit before 11:00 FOUR hours later, I stood again in the shower, longer, holding my lids up and down and my eye open. As I left the shower, I had my eyes shut because I had water in them. As I patted my face with the towel, I just KNEW this time I had washed it out. If not, I might have to go to the emergency room or something to see if someone could GET it out.

And, with a dry face I opened my eyes...and there was no difference. Everything was still the same. I had tried everything I could think of, and it was still there. And it had been FOUR hours. My face around my eye was sore and achey. I still couldn't see, and was so completely totally frustrated by it all, I just started to cry.

And after less than ten seconds of crying, the pain was gone. I blinked hesitantly, fearing that I might relodge whatever I had just dislodged. But it didn't happen and it was gone. And then I almost cried for joy.

But for the next two days, my eye was reddish and my face sore, and I was a bit swollen around my eye. But at least no more pain.

In the middle of all this, I thought enough of you guys, my mind was still on HNT, so I took a photo of my poor eye in mid-trauma.



It felt and looked a LOT worse than it does here.

To see what other people posted, click on http://osbasso.blogspot.com/

POLT Listening to "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morisette

In Falls, North Carolina, in 1957, we had just one way of "coming out". It was called "getting caught". - Allen Gurganus

Waiting for the train, take it to the runway (Part 1)...

Come on Jerry, let's dump this load...

Well, this is the first night of Season 5 of Project Runway. I heard next season's moving to Los Angeles...without Heidi or Tim. I don't know how true that is, but I'll not dwell on that now, we'll just enjoy this season, shall we?

Let's run through things as I wrote them down.

Suede: Okay, Polt thinks that people who refer to themselves in the third person while talking to you are quite pretentious, and therefore, Polt doesn't much like Suede. And besides, the guy's 37, it's time for him to lose the faux-hawk, the dyed hair, the ripped clothes and quit trying to act like someone 20 years younger. Your youth is long gone, sweetness, move along. The sooner they get rid of this joker, the better.

Blayne: Okay, we all know how I HATED Christian from last season. I thought he was an arrogant, overrated little yappy poodle dog. Blayne, unfortunately, reminds me of Christian...but not in an irritating way. He reminds me of a little, tanned (overly tanned) puppy that I just want to have sit on my lap, and who allows me to stroke him softly (read whatever double entendre into that that you wish.) I like the kid, despite that HORRID dress/diaper thingee he made, despite the fact it looks like he's been on a small island with no shade for months, and despite his pathetic attempt at a Christian-like "fierce" term: girl-icious. Please, Blayne, sweetie, just shut up and sit quietly on my lap, kay? I don't think he'll last.

Jerell: Talk, young, lean black man...well, I certainly am intersted in him....to be my new bedmate. Seems a bit snippy, not that I'll care much about that when we're having sex. Not sure if I like him yet, other than his looks.

Stella: Older, rough around the edges, just knows she's gonna get eliminated, stresses constantly...is she this season's Sweet Pea? She caught a BIG break this week, with her crappy plastic bag piece of garbage. Doubt she'll get another such chance.

Kelli: I like her, she seems like fun. She makes me laugh: "It's pretty ugly in a great way." Well you go girl!

Joe: Ah, the token straight guy, has to be one every season, doesn't there? I'm sure we'll hear a bunch more about his daughters, and how they really need daddy to do well on the show...on the epsiode when he's auf-ed. That's the way they normally do it.

Daniel: I don't think I like him, altough I might, given time. Seems a bit too...high strung? Perfectionist? I don't know...

Jerry: Oh, he's already a big time designer, eh? Just a smidge Jerry-centic, aren't you Sparky? I am not impressed.

Keith: Sexy tat, muscles, looks good in a wife beater and stubble, were those piercings in his nipples I saw? He just screams rough trade to me, and if there's one thing I like, it's making rough trade scream!

Kenley: Everytime I see her, I think Anna Hathaway. Not sure why, or what it means.

Wesley: Very preppy, very A&F. Very cute, even in strange shorts or aviator glasses. I'm liking him. But I don't remember what he designed.......

The others, I have no opinion on yet. But that will change as the season progresses.

My predictions: Daniel wins, Jerry goes home.
*********************************
Now, before we announce the winners, some quotes from this week:

"I didn't want to make just another dress." "You didn't." - Tim Gunn
That was just butt ugly. - Heidi Klum
It's what you would wear if you were killing someone. - NINAGARCIA
*********************************
Winner: Kelli. Ok, I can accept that. Still thought Daniel's was better though.
Loser: Jerry. Thank God.



POLT Listening to "Morning Wood" by Nth Degree

If you can't find any weirdness maybe we'll just have to make some! - Calvin & Hobbes