Super Bowl LX (60 in Arabic numerals) takes place this Sunday. The New England Patriots vs The Seattle Seahawks. And so it's now time for my totally and completely scientific analysis of the game to reveal my prediction as the outcome.
1. The Cities
Patriots: Foxborough Massachusetts
About 18,600 people live there. And it houses the Patriots in Gillette Stadium, and......and that's about it. Nothing else much going on here.
Seahawks: Seattle, Washington
Population of about 781,000 people with a metro area of over 4 million people. In addition tot the Seahawks, the city boasts a baseball team, soccer team, hockey team, women's basketball team, women's soccer team, professional rugby team, and professional cricket team. Seattle has the Space Needle, the fish-throwing Pike's Place, Starbucks founding restaurant, several museums, and countless other points of interest and things to do.
Winner: Seahawks
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2. Distance from Super Bowl
The Super Bowl is being played in Santa Clara California, which is located 45 miles from San Francisco and yet is somehow the San Francisco 49ers 'home' stadium.
Patriots: Foxborough is roughly 3100 miles from Santa Clara
Seahawks: Seattle is roughly 708 miles from Santa Clara.
Winner: Seahawks
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3. Logo/Mascot
profile of an android face wearing a long hat that's on fire at the end of it.
Profile of a bird of prey's head, looking also like something from a totem pole, of which there are several in the Pacific northwest. And the bird looks pissed too.
Winner: Seahawks
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4. 2025 Season record
Patriots: 14-3 (.824)
Seahawks: 14-3 (.824)
Winner: Tie
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5. Coaches
Patriots: Mike Vrabel, 50 years old.
He spent 7 years playing for the Patriots, as well as for a couple other years, the Steelers and the Chiefs. He was Head Coach of the Tennessee Titans from 2018-2023, going 54-45. This year is his first year as the Patriots Head Coach. It's his first time to the Super Bowl as a Head Coach.
Seattle: Mike McDonald, 38 years old.
He's had multiple coaching positions but was made Seattle Head Coach in 2024. In his two years, he's gone 24-10.
Winner: Patriots
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6. Quarterback Experience
Patriots: Drake Maye, 23 years old. Second year in the NFL and second year as Patriots QB, going 17-12 (,586). This is first Super Bowl
Seahawks: Sam Darnold, 28 years old. Eighth year in the NFL, he's playing QB for the Jets, the Panthers, the Niners, the Vikings, and the Seahawks, going 49-41 (.544). This is his first year with the Seahawks. This is his first Super Bowl.
Winner: I don't know...I'm calling this one another tie.
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7. Quarterback Face
Patriots: Drake Maye
Seahawks; Sam Darnold
Winner: Both are kinda, meh. I'm gonna go with Drake Maye by a hair.
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8. Quarterback Body
Patriots: Drake Maye
Seahawks: Sam Darnold
Winner: Both are kinda, meh. I'm just gonna call this a tie.
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Winner: Seahawks
9. Other Star Player
Seahawks: Cooper Cupp, 32 years old, wide reciever
First year playing with the Seahawks, but played for the Los Angeles Rams from 2017 to 2024.
Patriots: Um...do the Patriots even HAVE another star player????
Winner: Seahawks
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10. Team Super Bowl Experience
Patriots: This will be the team's 12th Super Bowl. Record is 6-5 (,545)
Seahawks: This will be the team's 4th Super Bowl. Record is 1-2 (,333)
Winner: Patriots
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So, following this totally scientific and unbiased analysis, the result is:
Seahawks - 4 wins, Patriots - 3 wins, Ties - 3.
Thus, the team hefting the Lombardi Trophy Sunday night will be...
The Seattle Seahawks!
However, I understand the numbers were really close. So what's gonna push it over the top for the Seahawks is the following:
Fuck tRump. Fuck MAGA. Fuck Robert Kraft. Fuck The New England Patriots.
POLT
PS
Just in case you're wondering how I've done in the past with my 'scientific' predictions, here's my track record:
Season Prediction Winner
2024 Chiefs Eagles
2023 Chiefs Chiefs
2022 Chiefs Chiefs
2021 Rams Rams
2020 Chiefs Bucs
2019 Chiefs Chiefs
2018 Rams Patriots
2017 neither Eagles
2016 Patriots Patriots
2015 Panthers Broncos
2014 Seahawks Patriots
2013 Seahawks Seahawks
2012 Ravens Ravens
2011 Patriots Giants
2010 Packers Packers
2009 Saints Saints
2008 Cardinals Steelers
2007 Patriots Giants
2006 Colts Colts
2005 Seahawks Steelers
Predicted Correctly: 10, Predicted Incorrectly: 9, Didn't predict at all: 1
POLT
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