But it's a pain in the ass to let 'em go...

Today...ARRRRGGGHHH! What a pain in the ass!

First, last night, I could NOT get to sleep. I remember checking the clock at 4:02 and still not being asleep. And i did after that drift off, but not deeply, and rechecked the clock again at 5:18. Then I drifted off again, only to be woken up by my alarm. oh HELL no, there was no way. So i called in and said I'd be in at noon. And then I did manage to drop off. Only to wake up at 10:30. Wide awake. So i got to work basically at 11:30. Still took 4 hours, but planned to leave early.

2:50 pm, everything's progressing not-so-badly. Then the big boss drops all this shit, that isn't even MY job, into my lap and says, "Make it happen." It involved a client, the courts, lawyers, and another institution. And he told me to 'twist some arms, if I have to.' WTF? Who am I? Am I a "big boss" with his impressive title and power? Oh hell no. Just a lowly cog in the machine here. but somehow I'm supposed to twist arms? Right.

Anyway, with the help of someone else there and several phone calls, we managed to get it all taken care of, having it all wrapped up by 4:10. not too shabby in my opinion, considering what was all involved. but I shouldn't have had to deal with it at all. And I had an appoitment for a cut-n-color at 4:15. Well, at 3:45, when things were still pretty murky, I called and canceled. We did reschedule to Veteran's Day, which was good. But still, having to cancel the appointment that late sucked.

Traffic coming home was crazy, every insane driver on the roads was in front of me, that's for damn sure. They did anything and everything to make my pissed off mood even worse.

Plus, I'm still a bit miffed at the stupidity and idiocy of the American people giving the House back to the Republicans who enthusiastically got us into this mess in the first place. But whatever, that's not a big deal, cause we still did better than I thought we would.

And I'm still dealing with Kris. After tomorrow night, I don't know when, or if, I'll see him again. It's possible after drill this weekend, he'll spend a few days with his parents, hate it, and move back into this area. It's equally possible he spends a few days with them, they get along swimmingly, and he decides to stay there. It's the not knowing that bothers me the most. I can't help but think that tomorrow may be the last time I see him...that it'll be...the end. And while I've had time to come to grips with that, it still isn't easy. I never really did think we had anything that would last, cause of the age difference mainly, but I thought it would last longer. I feel....empty inside. Like someone went into my chest and scooped out the innards and there's nothing there. And that sucks. But I'm trying to look at the silver linings: if it does end, if this IS it, then it ended while the flame was still burning hot. I've been in several relationships that whithered and died a slow, sad death. Going out with the desire and feelings still there is harder, but at least it prevents the relationship from growing stale.

Whatever. I'm still beat. I think I'm gonna get to bed here soon, and try to sleep tonight. That'd be nice, a good night's sleep. Yeah.

POLT