I see your face appearing like an unexpected song...

Last Friday, while at work, I read the paper over lunch, as I always do. There were scattered throughout the paper various memoriums, people putting photos in of their deceased loved ones, saying how they loved them and missed them, etc, etc. I scanned the photos, but as I didn't know anyone, I didn't bother to read them.

And then I turned the page and the there was AJ's face staring out at me. His was in the upper corner and it was stating he was missed by his mom, family and friends. As I flipped the previous page, it was literally the first thing I saw.

And it was like a gut punch.

I'm pretty sure I gasped when I saw it, it was so unexpected. I had trouble getting a breath for a moment or two. And as I looked at his photo, I got teary. I'd though about AJ periodically since his suicide in Feb 2009, especially on his birthday and....deathday. But to actually see his face there staring back at me...well, it was overwhelming. I took a few moments to get myself under control and was fine.

And I came to realize right then just how much I missed the little guy. We both often called him my Lil Brother. I think of how excited he would have been of my house. And how excited that there was a spare bed for him to sleep on instead of the couch.

I miss him still. And I miss the fun we had together. And all the fun we could have had, but now won't. And I'm amazed at how just one photo could bring all this back to quickly and completely.

I thought of posting about this then, but Friday was Christmas Eve, and why make that holiday such a downer for anyone who read this? So I'm putting it up now.

Rest in Peace AJ.


I love you still, Lil Bro. Always.

POLT