My paper's old my heart is sold to melancholia...

I haven't written much lately cause I've been kinda melancholic. Well this past week, there was the stress of the 6 day work week with only Bossy Know-It-All Coworker added on top of it, but mainly, yeah, it's been the melancolia. Not depressed really, not apathetic like in February (thank GOD), just a bit unsettled.

Yesterday after work was no different. I planned on just laying around on the sofa and wallowing in my ennui, but then mom called to say she had made some chili. So later in the evening, I walked up to her house and had some. She was gone, having taken grandma somewhere, so I ate with Angel begging at my side, which while cute, didn't really help my state. After eating, I was gonna just come home, but instead, I decided to take a short walk, since it was a beautiful cool evening.

And I'm glad I did, cause on the walk, I ran into my friend Amie pushing her daughter in the stroller. She had acutally been to my house to see if I wanted to walk with them, but of course I wasn't home. What good fortune we ran into each other, cause we walked for quite a ways afterwards. And it lifted my spirits.

But today, eh, it's back to what it had been.

Without even thinking too much about it, I think I know why I'm kinda down.

I've always been a loner, even as a child. That's not to say I didn't have friends, most times in my life I've had many. But I've always been just as comfortable laying in my bed reading a book or comic as I was hanging out with friends. And I'm fine with that, I actually don't have a problem with it.

I came to the conclusion long ago that I wasn't really relationship material, or much interested in being in one. The reasons are too numerous to go into here, but it's just the way things are, and I'm okay with that as well. As I mentioned above I've always been a loner.

It's just occasionally, it does bother me. Like on Christmas morning, when I wake up to an empty house and now one ot give gifts to there. Or New Year's Eve, when I have no one to kiss at midnight. Or my birthday when I know that when I come home there'll be no one there with a cake or a card or a surprise party. But these are not common occurances and just something I've come to take for granted.

My cousin got married last Saturday (and I STILL haven't posted about it...*SIGH*....) and as I was getting ready, I was slightly disturbed then. I had no one to check if my tie was straight, no one to compliment on how good they looked, no one to dance with at the wedding (although me dancing with another guy there I'm sure would have gone over like a lead balloon). ANd I think that maybe what started all this.

And then tomorrow is Labor Day. When I was younger, every Labor Day mom and dad would have this big cookout and they'd have lots of family over and we'd have a blast. Course, now, dad's no longer with us, and mom's spending lunch with my aunt and then the afternoon with my grandmother. And once again, since I have no one in my life, I'll not be partaking in any cookouts (cause God knows *I* can't cook, in or out), and I'm just kinda sulking over the fact that even though it's a holiday, I have NOTHING to do. Which really shouldn't be a problem, it's not like I do much on Mondays anyway, but as this is a holiday, and as I'm used to doing family things than, and as I'm NOT doing family things, well, it's got be a bit down.

But whatever. It's not like this'll last forever. And I'm not in any way putting this out here as a backhanded way of looking for an invite to something. I'm just saying how I've felt recently and why I haven't been writing much on here.

And to those of you, if any, that hung in there and read this whole whiney batch of drivel, thank you. And enjoy you holiday!

POLT