All dogs go to heaven...

You'll notice I haven't been keeping up with things lately.  And if we're friends on Facebook, you probably already know why.  This afternoon, we had to put Angel down.

Yesterday, mom and I took her to the vets.  They said she had congestive heart failure and high blood pressure, but they gave her two shots and gave mom some meds to give her in the hopes that would help things.  And then they set an appointment for today to recheck her at 2:30.  The vet said the shots should start relatively soon in helping her breath a bit easier.

But it didn't.  I didn't notice any change in her labored breathing a few hours later.   But mom said, when she called last night about ten, that she thought Angel might be resting a bit easier.

Today, however, at 2:00, mom called at work and said Angel had thrown up twice, so she wasn't even sure if the medicine was staying in her.  Also, Angel hadn't eaten much of anything for three days, although she was drinking water.  And Angel was still staggering around and then flopping over to her side or just dropping to the ground throughout the day.  Plus, sometime after lunch, mom had picked her up and was holding her, and she said Angel just raised her head and howled, like six times.  It was the most pitiful and sad sound mom said she had ever heard the dog make.  And mom said there's no way she can handle Angel doing that.

So hearing all this, I left work and arrived at the vet's once her and Angel were already there.  And after we waited a bit, the head vet (the one who owns the business) saw us. He checked Angel out again, checked her xrays (it was a different vet last night) and then spoke to us.

He said it was no doubt she had congestive heart failure, but the meds that were prescribed weren't working as they should.  And he said there were several different meds they could try, but it might take a while to find the right one, and in the end it still may not be enough.  He was, it seemed a bit to me, trying to push in the direction of doing more.

But when mom asked, he said he could give her no assurances that they would find something to help, nor that she would have the same quality of  life she was used to even if they did find it.  On the way to the vet, I had decided putting her out of her suffering and apparent pain was the best thing for her.  And the best thing for mom, cause Angel's situation was obviously distressing and stressful to her.  So i had told her while we were waiting that my opinion was we should probably put her down, although it was mom's final decision, and I'd support it either way.  So mom asked the vet if he thought it would be cruel to put her down now, and he assured her he did not think so.  He said we knew her best and we loved her more than anyone in the world and we knew what was best for her.  And then mom said she thought it was time to put her down.

When the vet left, and we both were crying, I assured her she was making the right decision.  And I know she knew it too.  We took Angel's collar off, I kept that (I still have Kookee's collar hanging up in my bedroom.  Not sure just yet what I'm actually going to do with them, but I'll think of something).  And mom went out to settle the bill, that way we could just leave when it was over.

So that left Angel and me alone in the room together.  I snapped a couple quick pictures of her.  And I hugged her, and continually held her, and told her we loved her and were sorry but we knew it was best for her (even though she was deaf as a post and I know she didn't hear me).  I had her give me kisses one last time, although honestly, her whole attention, her entire body was focused on the door mom had went out.

Mom came back in and we had a few minutes alone with her.  Then the nurse came in and filled out a form and had mom sign it and she explained everything that was going to be happening.  And then another nurse came in too, the one held her while the other shaved her arm a bit and then administered the drug.  Mom and I of course were there in front of her, rubbing her cheek, scratching her chin, talking to her. I gave her a kiss on the nose before she started to go limp, I wanted to make sure she felt it.

And then the nurse laid her over gently on her side and she was gone.  They gave us a few more minutes. I had to pet her a few more times and kiss her neck, but the one was for me cause I knew she couldnt feel it.  And then we left.

She'll be taken tomorrow to be cremated, and we're going to get her ashes back next Friday.  Not sure what we're do with them.  mom suggestes burying them in the backyard, next to where Kookee is buried and get a headstone for her like Kookee has.  I thought about keeping the ashes in an urn or something, but the more I think about it, the more I think burying them would best.

At any rate, Angel's suffering is over.  And we both know it was the right thing to do, we dont feel guilty or anything.  We do miss her, of course.  And everytime I think how she'd chase her toys, or shake that raccoon toy, I get teary eyed.  Or how she's sometimes whine beside us when we were eating.  Or how she was so pleasant and not aggressive or mean.  Or how we never really had to put her on a leash cause she'd listen to us.  Or how she never walked off the sidewalk into the street.  Or how she'd bat her paw at you when you were coming up the stairs towards her.  Or how she loved to run around the perimeter of the yard.  Or how she'd run the fence with the dogs next door.  Or how she stayed on the bed with dad the entire day on the day he died, and was with us when he passed and would NOT get off the bed, even when the men came to take him away.  We had to lift her off.  Yeah, all of that makes me cry.

But that's as it should be.  This is how one mourns.  And knowing that she's not hurting anymore, makes it easier.  Still, knowing this is the first time since December of 1987 that there won't be a dog in my mom's house is something that gonna take a LOT of getting used to.

I dont know that I actually believe this, but its comforting to think that dad and Kookee were waiting for her at the gate a few hours ago and they're even now playing fetch with some toy up there.

(staring at the door waiting for Mom to come back)

Angel

September 14, 1997 - June 20, 2013

POLT