Well, it's all over and done with now. Today, mom and I went around to the banks and various places and got dad's name taken off all the accounts and so on and so forth.
I don't want this blog to become all about my dad's passing, but I do want to wrap things up, which is what I'm doing now. Monday mom and I went to the funeral home. They were incredibly helpful and professional. This was my first experience with this aspect of funerals and I was amazed at all they did for us. I just can't say enough positive things about them.
(might as well give them a plug, eh? So here is thier webpage!) One thing they did was give us photo boards. Mom and I had fun going through all the photos to pick out the ones we wanted to use. And they we grouped them on the boards. Well, actually, I grouped them. They HAD to be in groups (mom&dad; dad&me; traveling; dad&friends; dad alone; etc;etc) and they HAD to be symetrical. I guess I got something from the gay gene, cause I kept fiddling over them to make sure they were all placed just
right!
Tuesday was the family viewing first. That was kinda hard. The home did a great job on dad. he looked better than he had for weeks. And they somehow even gave him a hint, just the slightest indication of, a smile. It made me think like he was just laying there, smirking, waiting to jump up and tell us all of this great prank that he played on us. he looked so peaceful.
When we were all done, mom got to pull the cover up to his neck, "just like you're tucking him into bed" the funeral director said. And then she and I stood there for our final goodbyes. That was pretty hard. But we go through it.
Tuesday night was the family visitation. At dad's wishes, the casket was closed. It was supposed to run from 6-8. I wore the most comfortable shoes I had, afraid that my feet would get sore anyway. they didn't. We got to the home about 530, the first person came in soon thereafter. The last left about 830, so it took us about three hours.
We saw two hundred and some people, according to the book. I met so many people I didn't know, but mom knew them all (except for a few of my co-workers and a few friends of mine). the director and assistant director of the goverment agency she works for showed up. Numerous of her coworkers did. And nearly everyone (including the directors) asked her if she was still retiring. (She had done the paperwork the Monday before, so she could stay home and take care of dad). She;s pretty much decided to take a few more weeks off, and then go back to work. She was planning on retiring next April or May anyway, she'll probably stay until then.
I heard stories of dad I never heard before from his friends. Mom and I shared many laughs with people there over things dad did or said. It amazed me, becuase he was always rather...dour around the house. But, like mom said, get him around the right people, in the right situation, and he could be quite a kidder, a comedian.
We got about 20 flower arrangements delivered over the last few days, so many mom says the hosue smells like a funeral home. We got 187 sympathy cards!! We sat together and opened and read each one. She got numerous phone calls at the house, too many to recall. WE had people bake about 4 cakes, two pies, bring meat trays, and little things like that. Again, i was amazed at the outpouring of support and stuff.
Wednesday was the funeral itself. It was a private, only family. We had about 25 people there. I held mom's hand through the service. The pastor, well he tended to drone on a bit, and spent more time talking about getting saved and going to heaven than he did about dad. That a was tad irritating to me. I wanted to hear about what a great man dad was, that's why he talked to us the day before and asked us questions and jotting things down, or so I thought, an less of a sermon. But whatever, at least it was only a half hour.
Graveside, was hard on mom. She cried there, probably the most I had seen her cry, except for the family viewing the day before. I put my arm around her. I was so concerned about her, I didn't really cry, I didn't think to. We all came back to her house and had food and sodas and talked and stuff. That was fun to hang out with the kids. Mom played cards with them, i wrestled on the floor with them. It relieved the tension.
After everyone left, I helped her clean up a bit. My cousin Tracy is only three years younger than me, and dad always just loved her, and Tracy loved him. Dad's birthday was this Sunday (he died one week short of his 68th birthday), and Tracy already had his card bought. Even after he died, she never thought of keeping it for use with another uncle's birthday. She wrote in it, sealed it and gave it to mom. WHile we were tidying up, I saw it and mom said I could open it. I read it "I miss you already. I will always love you." I teared up as soon as I read it. mom took it and read it and so did she. And then we just stood there and hugged each other and cried. She said, "Well, he's walking again in heaven. Bet he's even planting a garden up there right now." I her I bet he was up there with his parents and her dad, just standing there laughing at us crying about this. And be both laughed through the tears.
A few other memories from the week: My cousin Lexi is 6. After the visitation, mom and I were sitting in chairs at the home and she came over and sat next to mom. She said, "Aunt Bev, Uncle Milt will always be my real uncle, so if you get another guy, he'll just be my step-uncle. ; My cousin Cam is about 2 and a half. We put a photo of dad on top of the casket since there was no viewing. During the visitation period, my uncle had to bring cam up to the castket and that photo about three times, cause he kept saying, "Unca Mil, Unca Mil" and wanting to see the photo. ; Some guy that went all the way through school with dad, telling us that once in sixth grade the teacher asked dad what Magellon did, and dad, even though he knew the answer, said, "Circumsized the world" instead of Circumnavigated....and he got sent to the principal. ; the lady who was obviously in her late 80's or early 90's who was small and frail, and could barely stand, even with a cane on which she was pretty wobbly, waiting over a half hour in that line just to tell us she's sorry, and how much she loved the potatos and corn that dad gave her each year...and that he would not take a penny from her for. ; the guy who delivers our local newspaper is a little slow, not retarded, just a little slow. And every time he went by, if dad saw him, he'd go out and talk to him about baseball and the Orioles. Monday, we got a card from him in with out paper, a sympathy card, in his wobbily printing. And on Tuesday, when the obituary was in the paper, there was a copy of it, cut out a bit crookedly, already lamenated and put in with out paper too, from him.
I hope he knew just how many people thought highly of him, and will miss him. Naturally, since this is me, I've got several photos.
These are the funeral photos boards.
Both of them together.
And these are all the flowers we got so far!
POLT
Listening to "Benny And The Jets" by Elton John
I stood there and shook my head and said, "Oh no, no, no." She smiled weakly, but warmly, and said in a very comforting, motherly voice, 'Don't worry, Polt. I'm alright. Everything will be okay." But I knew she wasn't and it wouldn't it. I knew she was gonna die and soon, just like dad. I dropped the glass, I remember hearing it shatter on the floor. And I just kept shaking my head going, "NONONONONO" as I burst out into the loudest sobs I had ever heard.
Why post this? With an ass like that, how could I not???
I know that we had a theme this week: something to do with what we did for Halloween. I however, did not participate. This past Sunday, at 6:30 in the evening, my father died. He had been fighting cancer for only 5 months, and was critically ill for about three weeks. But in the end, he got to die at home, with his family (mom, me and the dog) around him, and he went peacefully, his breathing slowed and then just stopped. All the details are a few posts below for anyone interested.
