I've had bad dreams too many times...

I mentioned in an earlier post that I didn't sleep well Tuesday morning. I wasn't gonna mention why, but then i thought why not. I had a bad dream.

Mom and I were at a big house, not living there, kinda cleaning it, but not really. We got finished and she said she was tired and was going to take a nap. I remember I then walked through this large marbel floored dining room, with a huge table in it. I can still hear my shoes tapping across the floor.

Then I heard mom call for me. She wanted an Advil and some water. So i took it to her. When I got to the bed she was laying in, for some reason, I pulled the sheet back. And her legs looked just like dad's did right before he died, like an Auschwitz survivor, almost exactly like this poor woman in the photo here.

I stood there and shook my head and said, "Oh no, no, no." She smiled weakly, but warmly, and said in a very comforting, motherly voice, 'Don't worry, Polt. I'm alright. Everything will be okay." But I knew she wasn't and it wouldn't it. I knew she was gonna die and soon, just like dad. I dropped the glass, I remember hearing it shatter on the floor. And I just kept shaking my head going, "NONONONONO" as I burst out into the loudest sobs I had ever heard.

And I woke up. My eyes flew open, and i looked around the room. Immediately i knew it was a dream, but I was still filled with dread, and hopelessness, and depression, and sadness, and helplessness and tons of other negative emotions. And I felt like crying myself.

instead, I looked at the clock and saw it was 1:25. I got up, went to the bathroom and got a drink of water and then went back to bed. I fell asleep again, but fitfully. I didn't sleep deeply and I woke up about every hour or half hour. I didn't have the dream again, or anything like it. But I'm not sure I dreamed at all the rest of the night. Maybe my brain didn't want me to dream anymore that night.

i don't know. But that's why I didn't sleep well and was tired all day Tuesdays. Isn't it terrible, the tricks your mind can play on you?

POLT

Listening to "Love Me Or Leave Me" by Sammy Davis Jr.