I bit the bullet on the motorcycle ride...

Last year, the great state of Pennsylvania rescinded it's mandatory helmet law for motorcycles. Can anyone tell me he logic behind this? The state requires that when someone rides a bicycle, they wear head protection, and you're going to get a lot more speed on a motorcycle than a bicycle, so that, if an accidnet occurs, you're liable to do much more damage from a motorcycle than a bicycle. BUt yet not helmet law for motorcyclce.

Further, how can the state require me to wear a seatbelt when I'm in my car, but no helmet when I'm on a motorcycle? They make me wear a seat belt so that if I'm in an accident, I'm less likely to be injured. Fine. But let's say that I'm in a car, going 30 mph, and I'm hit broadside by another car going 30 mph. And let's compare that to my being on motorocycle going 30 mph and being broadsided by a car going 30 mph. When, do you think, I am going to be in greater need of protection?

What I find truly amazing about all of this is that the law change was made by intense lobbying from motorcycle groups themselves! You'd think they'd be the ones to want the protection. Course, the ones that want to wear a helmet still will. The ones that dont, I hope they have good insurance plans.

The legislature will pass this, but they're against assisted suicide. Seems to me, they're assisting in a lot of unintended suicides by allowing people to ride without helmets.

POLT

Space may be the final frontier, but it's made in a Hollywood basement. - The Red Hot Chili Peppers

Your face reminds me of a flower...

So, tonight, I was on the computer, posting to my blogs, reading other blogs, on Yahoo Messenger, downloading photos, etc. And all the while, I had my iPod library playing, and it was firing off random songs form the nearly 3000 I have on there. I heard a song I haven't heard in some time: Flower. It was originally recorded by Liz Phair, but the version I have is from the Pansy Division, a gay band. The songs lyrics make me laugh everytime I hear them, escpecially when sung by a male lead singer. Everytime I see your face
I get all wet between my legs,
Everytime you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain.
Everytime I see your face
I think of things unpure, unchaste,
I wanna fuck you like a dog
Take you home and make you like it.
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of,
Everything i'll do to you
I'll fuck you in your union suit.
Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you're underwater ,
Hair's too long and in your eyes
Your lips are perfect suck-me size.
You act like you're 14 years old,
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, true, and mean
I wanna be your blow-job queen.
You're probably shy and introspective
That's not part of my objective,
I just want your fresh young jimmy
Sliding, slamming, ramming in me.
Everytime i see your face
I think of things unpure, unchaste,
I wanna fuck you like a dog
Take you home and make you like it.
Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of,
Everything i'll do to you
I'll fuck you till your dick is blue.

A little obscene a lot funny. To me anyway. And now that I think about it, they do have rather interesting album covers.

Deflowered

Undressed

Wish I'd Taken Pictures

When I get into a band, these are the kind of covers we're gonna have on all our albums! And I'm gonna be the one to pick out and...interview all the models! Yeah....that can be my job IN the band! yeah...

POLT

Sex isn't careful. If it is, you're doing it wrong. - Vic, Queer As Folk

They'll call the cops, cause I'm the godfather...

My Fairy Godfather, Marky the Greek, commented twice today. Firstly, he writes:

Hmmmmm. But he has no hangups at all about paying $160 (or more) to an oily smelly twink for a lap dance at Remingtons in Toronto, but $20 to help support the traveling trailer trash....??? Hmmmmm.

Okay, not its very important that we get some things clear right off the top. It was only that much once, the FIRST time when I didn't understand the way the pricing went...I still think that bastard Blaine took advantage of me! And the worst oiled twink I cold find in Remingtons is STILL better than the best guy working that carnival. But, of course, if there's a carnie down there that could work at Remingtons, well HELL, you BET I'd help the guy out with a few bucks. Look here and see if you dont agree.

Anyway, carnivals (and local fairs) are totally expected to contain everything that you've mentioned. That's why people go. Your curmudgeonly attitude indicates that you are definately pushing the 50 mark (oops!!! 40, sorry). Also, lets not forget that some of our close friends who used to live in gated communities now are living in quaint little trailer parks (!!!) and don't appear to be "grimy" or "greasy".

Well pftt, of COURSE I'm not talking about ALL trailer park folk. I've got several friends that live in trailer parks. I've had some pretty hot sex in trailers. But I'm not talking about those kinds of people. I'm talking about trailer park trash, and that is an important distinction. Trailer Park Trash are....are...are the kind of people that go to the Waynesboro Volunteer Fireman's Carnival, and live in trailers. Hell, some trailer trash, I'd venture to say, don't even LIVE in trailers, they just wish they could.

Curmudeonly, my ass....

I prefer the term 'masculine clean trailer troll' for myself, although 'gated community troll' did have a certain ring to it.Your "fairy Godfather"(age 46, not bear hairy, weighing only 158 at 5'10", and with a sweet smelling ass despite the current trailer park well water system)

Hehehehehehe.....always good for a laugh. I'm kinda surprised, though, that you didn't mention if you went to the Carnival when you lived in Waynesboro? You DID go, didn't you? But for further backing to my opinion, I offer Amie's posting below, a totally unsolicited comment on the carnival, from someone who was there.
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And, he later writes:

How many converstations/discussions with you about political stuff have I cut short because I knew that I would not make a dent in your exterior despite using logic and factual information??There are lots of wingnuts out there when it comes to controversial issues. Most of them are in the government already or at least have political science degrees. (grin)

Yes, but those wingnuts of us who have poli sci degrees can actually talk about the issues intelligently. Nothing is so funny as an uninformed expert. I mean, you've got to look elsewhere than Fox News for your information. And I doubt C looks beyond that at all.

And contrary to what you may say here, if you cut short the discussion it wasn't because you thought I was undentable (?), but because it must have become obvious to you that you were wrong, and you properly gave up. Or I simply overwhelmed you with the strength of my arguements. yeah, that's the ticket....

POLT

Pathetic, isnt it? Straight people and their silly little rituals. - Melanie, Queer As Folk

Carnival of carnage ,yo, and now for your enjoyment...

Amie (finally) posted here! Whoo-Hoo! Nice to see you're contributing and not just lurking anymore. Anyway, her post is so apprapo to my last carnival post:

Amie said...
My favorite part about the Waynesboro Firemen Carnival is seeing someone that I barely know (although went to school with), who had a baby 3 days earlier, smoking a cig., holding the baby, wearing a tube top and spandex shorts.

Ah, yes, now THAT is the perfect picture of a typical carnival go-er. I would add, though, thay the above mentioned girl was probably wearing way too much blue shadow, and was there with her current beau, who, by chance, was probably not the baby's father.

BTW - the pictures do make it seem way cooler than it is.

Yeah, they do, which is unfortunate. But I was afraid to take anymore. Bright flashes might have scared the locals and sent them into a mindless (obviously) rampage.

POLT

Oh dear, honey, who dressed you, Morticia Adams? - Emmett, Queer As Folk

I wanna go to the carnival...

It's August: the heat and humidity have returned, kids are buying school clothes, the potatoes in dad's garden are ready to dig up, and like all these late summer traditions, another one is taking place as well: The Waynesboro Volunteer Fireman's Carnival is in town.

Whoop-de-freakin-do.

You see, boys and girls, when Uncle Polt was a wee lad (no, he wasn't always the fat, old, hairy fag you see today), I used to look forward to the carnival with mixed emotions.

I was excited about it because it meant I could go there with the neighborhood gang, with all the bright revolving lights, and delicious smells of cotton candy and candied apples, and the hot dogs, burgers and fries, and the sounds of laughter and the rides running, and kids squealing, and all sorts of various and sundry buzzers and dingers and ringers, and knowing that I'd see some people that I went to school with and hadn't seen all summer and figuring out who I was gonna have what class with.

At the same time, I was dreading it coming because that meant that summer was almost over and school would soon be starting. But generally, the excitment overwhelmed the dread.

Now, mind you, this was back during the period of President Carter, disco, Saturday Night Fever, Laverne & Shirley, etc, etc, etc. Hell, I first heard Billy Joel's "Moving Out" being played through the open windows of a huge "Smokey And The Bandit" type Trans Am while it's owner and his buddy sat inside and smoked....something that didn't smell like dad's Marlboro's, on my way to walking to the carnival.

Back then, that was the biggest thrill I had all summer....aside from kissing Kristi on the lips that one year...but that's a whole different story...

But NOW......

Oh, it's horrible. I don't know if it was always this bad and I just saw it through the excitment of a teenager, or if it just got worse as time went on. (I like to think it's the latter) Now, it's all neon, and grime, and scuzzy, greasy people fresh from the trailer park. When I was there (I'll get to that in a minute) I noticed there were either complete and total rednecks, trailer trash, or, strangely, goth kids. Go figure.

The one thing that I do still like about the carnival is the hamburger and french fries. I dont know if it's the accumulated years of grease on the cookers, or some special, yet disgusting, ingredient they add to everything, or maybe its a special toxicity that lingers from their cleaning agents, whatever. They have a unique (and by unique I mean good) smell and taste. So one night during the week, I go down and get a burger and fries. Needless to say, I got before the sun sets because God only knows what sewers the evening patrons have climbed out of.

To illustrate the sad state of affairs, I've got photos:

I assure you, these pictures are insufficient to properly convey the sadness and patheticness of the carnival itself. Which is exceeded only by it patrons, that arrive at 600pm and hang out until like midnight or whatever. And i'm not talking about teenagers with stars in the eyes, but like people in thier 20's, 40's, or older.

I think this carnival is best summed up by the song from which I took the post's title: Carnival, by Bikini Kill. I goes something like this:

/This is a song about the seedy underbelly of the carnival /The part that only the kids know about /This is a song about 16 year old girls giving carnies head /For free rides and hits of pot /I wanna go, i wanna go /I wanna go to the carnival /But it costs $16 yeah /I wanna go to the carnival /But i know it costs $16 now /Round, round, round... /Ill win that motley crue mirror, /If it fucking kills me /Gonna lose $20 while i'm there /See the girls with the feathered hair /They're wearing plastic, not real leather /Boots that go way up to there /Round, round, round... /It's by the lacey mall, /That's where you'll find me, yeah

Yep. I think that about wraps it up.

POLT

No one ever got anal warts from a chat room. - Mike, Queer As Folk

Little Blue, how do you do...

Whilst trolling around the Internet, I discovered www.thinkbluedems.com and I added them to my Haunts section on the left there. They have all kinds of stuff for the blue stater, progressive, Democratic, definately-NOT-Bushie lovers among us. I found something that I loved, and so I bought three, one for me, one for Ag and one for Lil Mary Helmer at work (a blue stater from WAY back...she's older than my mom):

And I proudly wore mine to work today:

Got asked about it by two people, one a far right Bushie Republican and the other a pretty apathetic non-voter. I love this. I always see people (even over at work) wearing those WWJD bands, or Lance Armstrong bands, or pink for breast cancer bands, etc, etc, ad nauseum. And now, I can show my support for a cause very important to me. Fads are cool. (see that? That was sarcasm)

POLT

"My ass is looking a little peeked." "It needs a rest." -Brian, Queer As Folk

Apology I'm sorry, but I have no regrets...

Lone Primate is a blogger from Toronto (lucky bastard) who writes the following about the previous post:

Heya, Polt. :)That quote comes from an article at CounterPunch, an online "magazine" that your more liberal readership might find helpful, and conservatives might find illuminating. I'm particularly fond of the work of Paul Craig Roberts, who was an Assistant Secretary of the Treasury in the Reagan administration, and so has the street-cred to back up his rather dire warnings about US overspending and the hollowing-out of the US manufacturing base: both things that need to be reversed, soon and quickly.

I need to apologize to Mr. Primate cause I copied the story below from his blog and gave him no credit for it. But he, being a nice Canadian (which are really redundant terms) he went ahead and posted the original source here. Thanks, Primate, and thanks for reading the blog.

Man, I LOVE Toronto...I'll be back up there the first weekend in October...can't wait for it to get here...

POLT

The last chicken leg. Here, you're the chicken hawk. - Mike, Queer As Folk

Blessed Imperial, your world is out of sight...

"He's not lost, he's dead."
[Cindy Sheehan] told the audience of veterans from World War Two to today’s war in Iraq, that the two main things she plans to tell the man she holds responsible for son Casey’s death are “Quit saying that U.S. troops died for a noble cause in Iraq, unless you say, ‘well, except for Casey Sheehan.’ Don’t you dare spill any more blood in Casey’s name. You do not have permission to use my son’s name.”

“And the other thing I want him to tell me is ‘just what was the noble cause Casey died for?’ Was it freedom and democracy? Bullshit! He died for oil. He died to make your friends richer. He died to expand American imperialism in the Middle East. We’re not freer here, thanks to your PATRIOT Act. Iraq is not free. You get America out of Iraq and Israel out of Palestine and you’ll stop the terrorism,” she exclaimed.

“There, I used the ‘I’ word – imperialism,” the 48 year-old mother quipped. “And now I’m going to use another ‘I’ word – impeachment – because we cannot have these people pardoned. They need to be tried on war crimes and go to jail.”

As the veterans in Dallas rose to their feet, Sheehan said defiantly, “My son was killed in 2004. I am not paying my taxes for 2004. You killed my son, George Bush, and I don’t owe you a penny...you give my son back and I’ll pay my taxes. Come after me (for back taxes) and we’ll put this war on trial.”

Nuff said.

POLT

It's every gay boy's dream to be a kept woman! - Emmett, Queer As Folk

I'm a pixie, I'm a paper doll...

Perhaps you've noticed the Weather Pixie I added over on the left. It's supposed to show, well the weather. Don't know how long I'll keep it...this is a blog still in progress. Opinions welcome.
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Got a few comments that I've been neglecting. Two from Johnnie:

global warming is a fallacy! just like evolution and ozone depletion. while we're at it, don't forget we have infinite reserves of oil. now i gotta go petition against stem cell research and cloning so i can prevent life from being destroyed/created.

polt polt polt, u miss the whole point. that movie is all about a hot chick. if it was some twink sitting on the car u would understand the movie so much better. i'm not gonna see it in theatre either, but i might rent it and watch it w/ some lesbians who will understand the merit of such a movie.

Rather disparate comments there, John. I appreciate the sarcasm in the first post (even though I may be the only one). And as for the second one, yes, if there were a twinkie boy in short shorts sitting on the car instead of Jessica Simpson, it would make the picture much more interesting to me, but still, I'd have no interest in going to see the movie. Unless of course, Seann Scott, Johnny Knoxville and the aforementioned twinkie boy becoming kissing (and more) cousins. but then, we're talking about a whole nuther type of movie.
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Mark, the Grecian Gigilo (hey, its MY blog, I can call you whatever I want), writes again (glad to hear from you) to say:

But I love veal (and you already know that). And yes, veal is extremely serious.Your Fairy Godfather.

Hehehe, Mark, Mark, Mark...you kinda missed the whole point of the post...or more likely, chose to ignore it. I know you love veal (I gotta come up with something for you to counter the PoultryGuy thing...Veal-nillaguy? Veal-nyldweeb?), and veal is extremely serious indeed.

POLT

Isn't dyke night.......um....er....fun? - Emmett, Queer As Folk

There's no need to argue anymore...

So, this morning, I'm sitting peacefully at my desk, trying to wake up, when a co-worker walks in to my office, we'll call him C. I don't even know how it started but before long, C and I were involved in....a discussion. It started with something about Bushie, and then somehow went to Nazi Germany, killing of gays, violence against cops, an armed rebellion, and gun control. I attempted to diffuse it by leaving my office go get some coffee, but he followed me there, and we continued it there. Finally, not being totally awake yet (hence the coffee, which I kinda loathe), and having a somewhat sort throat anyway, I told him that I didn't feel well, he needed to leave my office now, I was done. He started to say something else, and I cut him off and said "I'm done! Get out, now." And he left.

Fast forward to early afternoon. I go back to a room where he is, walk through it into another room where i have some business. Among the 4 females in the room with him, is his wife, whom we'll call J. As I walk into the other room, he says, "J., whats your opinion of gun control?" I ignore him cause Im in the other room, but I hear her say, "What?" And he explains that he said it to tease me, and that he got my goat earlier today over it.

My business in the other room didn't take long, so as I passed through the first room, i got right up into his shit (standing between he and his wife, who were talking, actually) and said, " ONE, I will not argue with your wife over this because she is a lovely woman and I respect her, TWO you did NOT get my goat this morning, I was just being the bigger man and ending it before one of us said anything we'd later regret, and THREE bite me." I finished, and there were a few heartbeats of dead silence in the room and C. looked at me, first shocked, and then as a smile creeped across his lips. And then there was an outbreak of applause from all the females in the room, including his wife. "Well said,"she told me. "and I respect you too." which led the other three ladies to reply that they respected me too. And then C. said he respected me as well. And I answered, "yes, well I respect everyone in this room..." and as i left the room, I added, "that doesnt have a penis, that is." Which resulted in more laughter, from C. himself as well.

I know better than to argue with him, he's such a wingnut. And had I been feeling better, or more with it, I probably wouldn't have even started a conversation with him about politics. I'm just glad I was more awake in the afternoon to counter him then.

POLT

If God had wanted me to be on the ice, he would have made me a vodka martini. - Mike, Queer As Folk

Sister blister we fight to please the brothers...

I've had, for the last few days, a blister in the middle of my left heel. And then last night Chris and I took a walk about 845 - 930 or so. It was a nice walk, kinda fast, cause Chris walks pretty fast. But we stopped by the News Agency and got a fountain Coke with lemon...MMMMM!!! Brought back memories that did.

At any rate, this morning, it hurt more than before, so when I got out of the shower, I checked it, and it was a blood blister. So i checked with the nurse at work. She put ointment and a band aid on it and told me to get one of those insole cushion things to help it. So after work I went to CVS to find one. They had the foot stuff in theback of the store near the pharmacy. Can anyone explain to why it is that things to help with foot problems are placed in the back of the store, farthest away from the door, thus causing those thathave foot problems to walk the longest distance????

Crazy corporate mentality....

POLT

I'm cutting the ribbon at a new Bed, Bondage, And Beyond next week. - Zack O'Toole, Queer As Folk

Re-elections antidote, just a game to catch your vote...

So, I discovered a way to put Polls in my blog! Whoo-hooo!! (I trust you've noticed the blue bos on the left?) So gimme a vote on what you think, and I'll see what polls I should come up with...and i might just do it even if everyone votes no. But then, the polls, oh the polls I would submit would just be...oh, bad. Bad is a good word to use for that. On the other hand, should the result be yes, well, THEN, I'd submit....well, less bad polls, I guess. Anyway, vote away.

POLT

I thought you preferred the young, hairless, not admitted without a parent or guardian type. - Melanie, Queer As Folk

Going to the roadhouse, gonna have a real good-time...

This evening, Chris and I went to Texas Roadhouse in Hagerstown. The food was good as always. I just wanted to say the the host, Josh, was quite the cutie, with his lil 26 or so inch waist, and tight tee shirt, and rings on his fingers, and wide belt, and form fitting jeans, and bright toothy smile. Oh, and our waitress did a good job too, but anyway....

No pictures...was tired, didn't feel like trying to muster up the nerve to ask him for a photo...although I did have the trusty camera with me.

Yeah, I know this post is kinda weak, but I'm still kidna tired, yet I wanted to post something. So, there you have it. See how much you guys mean to me...

POLT

I have a great ass and I'm blonde. You have no idea how far that gets me. - Justin, Queer As Folk

Just a good old boys, never meaning no harm...

People have asked me if I'm going to see the Dukes Of Hazzard movie.

My answer is always no. Why? Several reasons:

1) I am not inclinded to pay 8 bucks to see something that I wouldn't watch for free on TV,

2) I am not comfortable in a room where the number of tattoos is greater than the number of teeth,

3) if I want to watch a no-brained Southern try to outwit the law, I'll just watch a Presidential news conference,

4) My IQ is above 70, and

5) if I want to watch a bunch of rednecks race around in circles and pointlessly chase each other, I'll watch NASCAR.

POLT

I always thought youth should be savored. - Brian, Queer As Folk

Look how long: 400 years...

Hit the 400 visitor mark yesterday. Whoo-Hoo. 100 visitors in 10 days. That's a good ratio, I guess. Thanks for reading people. It's great to have a place to write stuff like this, but what's the point in writing it if no one would be reading it? Thanks, again, Uncle Polt appreciates it.

POLT

He's Japanese, and the sex is great! He gives Pacific rim a whole new meaning! - Emmett, Queer As Folk

It's a killing joke, welcome to your future...

So, I've got a joke for all of you.

Question: What's the difference between the war in Iraq and the Vietnam war?
Answer: Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.

Ba-dum-bum! Thanks, thanks, I'll be here all week, try the veal and dont forget to tip your waiter.

Actually, the joke isn't funny. It's deadly serious.

POLT

Genitalia is God's way of accessorizing. - Debbie, Queer As Folk

I wanna be a Kennedy..

There was no posting yesterday, not only because it was the series finale of Queer As Folk and Maury and Ag both came over to watch it (see previous post), and not only because they stayed here and we all talked until roughly 200 am, but also, because yesterday, Ag and I went with two friends to DC, tothe Kennedy Center to see the musical Hairspray.

If you've seen the movie, it's based on that, and similar to it, but not exactly the same. It's quite a funny show. Ag had gotten us box seats, in the row that the president sits in when he's there for any reason. Most of the other people around in the boxes were older (average 55 years, I'd say) and well dressed. And there were two parts in the play that were particularly funny because of this.

1) At one point, Tracy's in detention and they tell her she'll never go to college now. And Tracy, upset, says, "No college? But where can you go after detention?" And one of the other kids in detention yells out, "CONGRESS!" Now when this happened, but from the two balconies above us there was laughter, cheers and applause. Ag and I did those as well. And to my recollection, there was dead silence from the other people in the surrounding boxes. Not a hand clapping, not a mouth laughing. And that made it all the more funny.

2) the main villainess uses her connections to the governor to keep Tracy in jail on no bond. When she finds this out, Tracy says, "Using the judicial system to win a contest...that's just un-American!" and she pauses. And the upper balconies erupt again, and do Ag and I. And once more, there's nothing from the surrounding boxes. And this time, knowing there would be none, I clapped and yelled louder and longer than before just so those around knew where we stood.

They had had these jokes in the play when Ag and I saw it in Toronto last October, but it didn't resonate there as well as it did in Washington DC. And, Ag and i both believe that three of the actors we saw up in Toronto were doing the same roles here in DC, and they were all three great actors in great roles.

Oh, and here are the three people that went down with me: Thats Ag, of course, and then Michelle and her boyfriend Frank. Michelle is in the process of saying, "NO!", that's why her face is all contorted. It's not that she's retarded or anything. And this led to a discussion of how it's impossible to take a good picture of Michelle. SO later in the trip, I proved that theory wrong....sort of.

Not that this is exactly a good picture of her but its certainly better than the NO-snoot-photo previously posted. SO a good time, I assume, was had by all, and it was quite a full day...a full weekend, as a matter of fact. It's good to have those busy, full weekends, every so often. They allow you to appreciate those weekends when you have absolutely nothing going on and nothing to do even better.

POLT

Every gay boy wanted an Easy Bake Oven! - Emmett, Queer As Folk

3rd week

Monday's Hot Shirtless Guy Photo

POLT

Do you even know what a Huggie is? Here's a hint, it's not a sexual position. - Mikey, Queer As Folk

Alright then, my folk...

Well, last night was it, the series finale of Queer As Folk. I'm conflicted. I'm kinda sad to see it go, it's been a regular part of my Sunday nights since Dec. 2000, and it was truly groundbreaking television, and I enjoyed it. But at the same time, I felt this season's stroylines were rather...lackluster. I felt the show was truly showing it's age, and had almost run out of storylines. It wasnt relaly edgy anymore. So maybe it's good that the show ended before it deteriorated into a parody of itself. Still, it'll be weird not go back into the lives of the Liberty Ave gays on Sunday nights. Well, all good things must come to an end.

POLT

"Christ, didn't you get enough last night?" "There is not such thing as enough." - Brian, Queer As Folk

Dude looks like a lady....

Okay, the story....

Last night, I revisited an old haunt of mine Deer Park Lodge , the area's only local gay bar. I went with Ag, a veteran of Deer Park herself. ALso accompanying us were Jen (a great little petite thing who was there once before) and Adam and Chris, two guys who work with Ag. The reason we all went is because it was a drag show. Apparently these shows are held like every Friday or so. And of the 5 of us, I was the only one of the homosexual persuasion. Yes, Ag, Jen, Adam and Chris are all str8. The best part was, Adam and Chris had never been to a drag show OR a gay bar before. When Ag told me this, I knew I'd be going too: 2 str8 guys, virgins to both drag queens and gay bars...Oh the fun and wacky hijinks that I knew would ensue!

So, as per plan, Ag, Adam, Chris and I went to eat at this little Italian place, Jen joined us there. While the four of us were sitting around the table waiting for her, it was rather....awkward. No one was really saying anything, I didn't really know what to say, as I've never met either of the boys before, but I kinda thought since the three of them worked together, they'dbe chattering away. Things improved once Jen arrived...and the alcohol started to lubricate the vocal cords.

We got to Deer Park just a tad before 900, and the show wasn't scheduled to start until 1000 (but of course, since we were dealing with drag queens, there was no way it was gonna start on time...and it didn't. It began about 1030). SO we all started drinking, and talking, and laughing. And...well so much shit happened, I dont even know if I remember it all...or where to begin...

There was the boys making fun of Jen's Foofoo drink (a Cosmo). But eventually, Adam first and then Chris both ordered Apple martinis and that's all they drank the rest of the night. There was their acting gay and pretending to be a couple fighting. Now, honestly, having str8 guys act gay can be quite insulting and offensive, but it wasn't with these guys. They werew just having fun, not stereotyping. We were all having a blast.

And then the show started. And the show itself wasn't the best I've ever seen, but it was in no way bad. But it was so entertaining cause the boys were there. For the first few performers, all we heard from them was, almost in unison, "No...fucking...WAY!" At first, they didn't hodl any dollars out to the queens, cause they were probably scared, but by the end of the show, Chris had been hugged by one, and Adam got a cheek kiss from another, and they had given away several dollars. And they're kinda dancing to the music the performers are performing too, and singing a bit and stuff, and man, it was just so funny!

And one of the performers was Raquel Chevallier, Miss Gay America 2005. That means the winners of all the pagents in all the country were whittled down until only she was left. She's the best drag queen in America...and she's here in little Deer Park Lodge! ANd she really looked good. And Chris, probably because of all the apple martinis, was seriously obsessing over her. He wanted her (!). ANd he insisted on a photo with her, which I managed to get right as we were ready to leave. And he was obsessing about a copy of it, and how hot she was, saying "DAH-HUM!!! She was HOT!" over and over and overagain. And the humor of a straight boy, firefighter, tough guy type drooling and practically wetting his pants over a man in a dress was not lost on me.

After the show, they cleared the floor and opened it to dancing. And all 5 of us danced, in various combinations:Adam and Ag; Adam, Ag and Chris; Jen and Polt; Polt, Ag, Adam; Jen and Chris; Jen, Chris and Polt; Polt and Chris; Polt, Chris, and Ag; Adam, Ag, Chris, Jen and Polt; the variations were practically endless. The best parts for me(for humor value, if not for the unintended eroticness of it) was when Chris was grinding his ass back into Jen, and I said to him, "Hey, it's not gonna work that way." And he just grabbed me and pulled me into him, crotch to crotch, all three of us grinding away. After a few seconds of enjoying the action, i said to him, "When this evening started, did you ever think you'd end up dancing with a gay man?" He replied, "I had my suspiscions!" And then a bit later, when Chris and Jen were crotch to crotch, Chris again yanked me in and there was a threeway full frontal grinding going on. Ag and I feared we might be subjected to the dreaded "Straight White Boy Dance", which is amusing to watch, unless you're with said Straight White Boy, and then it's just kind of embarrassing. And Chris had this somewhat unique dance style that can only be described as bend-at-your-waist-and-have-a-standing-seizure kind of thing. But it was quite entertaining to watch. in fact, the whole thing, the whole night, well, it was all just too much.

on the way home, Chris kept ranting about Raquel, and all that he'd do to her. And Chris and Adam both agreed that was the most fun they had had in a while. And they agreed they were never going to go to any bar BUT Deer Park, and they'd never drink anything BUT apple martinis' from now on, and they'd NEVER judge anyone again.

Also on the way home, Chris seemed to be having some issues of self image...
"I've got that rainbow ballsac I crocheted myself...does that make me gay?"
"I knew most of the songs they were playing...does that make me gay?"
"We had to go to a gay bar to finally truly fit in...does that make me gay?"
"I wanna screw a woman with a penis...does that make me gay?"
"The guy behind the bar called me honey...does that make me gay?"

And then he said, "God, I'm gayer than most gay men!" which caused the following exchange:

Polt: Excuse me? ExCUSE me! YOU are gayer than most gay men?
Chris: Yep...
Polt: And how many cocks have you had in your mouth in the last month?
Chris: ...um, none.
Polt: I've had 4!
Adam: Oooooooooo!
Chris: Well, I guess I better get working on that.
Polt (fiddling with his zipper): You want me to help you with that?
Adam: Oooooooooo!
Chris: I'm only interested if it's 13+ inches.
Polt: It is...but that's only before it gets hard.
Adam AND Chris: Ooooooooooooo!

And so, suitably chastized and put in his place, Chris gave in to the reality that he was indeed NOT gayer than most gay men. Hell, he aint even gayer than Uncle Polt.

So I've attempted to cover most of the night, but I'm sure I've missed some things. And if this isn't enough...well, I DO have the incriminating photos....

Above we have Adam and Chris early in the evening, looking somewhat nervous and pensive. That would change.

Here's the gang (minus Uncle Polt): Jen, Adam, Chris and Ag, still relatively sober and not yet totally acclimated. That too would change.

Adam and his first (but not last) FooFoo drink: apple martini

Chris, ever the trailblazer, always forging his own way, always original, and his FooFoo drink: apple martini. How original.

Miss Raquel Chevallier, performing, far away.

Miss Raquel Chavallier, performing, closer.

All the gang in a group grind. Is this legal in the tri-state area? Note the goofy dance face.

Chris and Jen...not being straight myself, I'm not certain, but I don't think that's the way straight sex works?

This is some unknown really freaking hott guy that was there standing by himself. I wish I could say I took this myself, but no, Uncle Polt doesn't have that kinda nerve. SO I sent Jen over. She's small, cute, petite, and all the queers love her. I knew he couldn't turn her down. And he didn't. BUt depite the obviously hottness oozing from his pores, he had major MAJOR attitude. Really a turn off, that was.

Ag and Adam cutting a rug, tearing up the dance floor, shakin a leg, etc, etc, etc.

I'm damn sure THIS ain't legal in the tri-state area. Notice the goofy dancing faces on Uncle Polt and Jen. And notice Chris' convenient head turn.

Ag and Adam again, grinding this time. Note the goofy dance face again. Is it the grinding that causes these faces?

Yet another really fricking hott guy. The picture may not reflect it, but Jen and I both agreed this guy wsa much MUCH hotter than most everyone else in the bar. I wanted to get a photo of the guy in the back with the Superman tee shirt, not only cause it's a Superman tee shirt (hello?), but he was pretty cute too, but that never happened. ANd yes, I was too chicken shit to get this myself. Jen, God bless her, got it for me.

Ag mackin on Adam, rockin the lip action. For God's sake, get a room.

Chris and the new love of his life (or at least the new star of his masturbatory fantasies) Raquel. And yes, gentlemen, that IS a guy underneath it all.

Adam, in a display of his own originality, wanted a photowith her as well. And I reiterate, gentlemen, that is indeed a man beneath the makeup. Incredible aint it? This ia Chris and Ag outside, post show, while Chris is still howling like a dog bitch in heat over Raquel. To quote him, "DAH-HUM! God DAH-HUM! She's HOT!"

As we said on the way up to the show, "What happens in Deer Park, stays in Deer Park." So keep all this under your hats...if you can.

POLT

"Bats, you're starting to scare me." "I scare lots of people." - Batman, Savage Time