Not tormented...Daily defeated by you...

Today, i feel defeated.

I've not lost a game or a challange or a bet or anything. I'm just beat. Not as in physically beat, but beat down. And defeated sounds like the best synonym I can think of.

Next week, all next week, I'm in training. Which really isn't a problem, it's the same damn training we are state mandated to have every year. The training itself is not the problem. Because of the training, though, I'm not going to be in the office, and I'm not going to be able to do any work. And there is so many lose ends I didn't get a chance to tie up.

The end of the week was spent frantically trying to get those ends tied up that I could. And that lead to the a screaming match between me and one of my closest friends there at work. And confidants. She's one of only four people there that I've told I'm gay. And we stood at opposite ends of a room, with four other people in the room, screaming back and forth at one another and pointing fingers and shit. Over stupid stuff. I mean, I needed information from her no later than 100 yesterday afternoon. I told her so at 900am on Thursday. And she didn't give me the info until about 300 in the afternoon yesterday. And by then, it was too late. And the shouting match ensued.

And now today, I had so much crap to do, loose ends and stuff. And I HAD to get it done because the one co-worker who is supposed to do my stuff when I'm not there, flat out won't. And our immediate superior is married to this co-worker's best friend (who also happens to work there) so even I were to complain, nothing would be done about it, because of the relationships there. SO I had to run around and try to get it done today, which i didn't suceed in getting done. Well not all of them anyway. And now, because they're not done, certain other things that should be done next week won't get done. And not only will I have to deal with them the week after when i return, but I'll to deal with the people complaining that they weren't done, AND try to do the regular stuff that I NEED to do.

Whatever. I dont' mean to complain so. that's just the way things are, and I'll get through it like I always do. It just seems that the floodgates opened about Wednesday afternoon and all this shit just started piling up and I couldnt' get it taken of. Whatever.

And on top of that, I haven't been sleeping well, AND I've been fighthing a sore throat/minor cold all week. And that's got me tired out and fatigued and shit. And Freddie's sick too, so he couldn't come down...but with the mood I'm in, that's probably a good thing, actually.

And all this together....it's just got me worn down. Aw well, what can ya do? i'll pull through it, I always do. it's just now....I feel defeated.

POLT

Clive, youy are so much more a girl than I am. - Gypsy, Gypsy 83