All good things...

Freddie and I are no more.



Okay, enough melodrama. He called me last night, and said that he was wanting a break, and maybe more. When I asked him why, he said the distance was getting to him. I know that wasnt really it, and I could tell, this past week, how...distracted he was when we talked on the phone. So this wasn't totally completely unexpected.

I asked if there was someone else, and he, sweetly, said he didn't want it to be about that. But he did admit that there was a guy back home, where he was now. A guy only two years different in age to him. He and this guy had started talking on MySpace, and now that Freddie was home, he and this guy were hanging out and all. He's not sure it will develop into anything lasting, but he wants to try. And he knows the risk he is taking by ending it with me, but he has to try.

I told him it took balls for him to admit this to me, and to tell me about it. A lot of people would just have fooled around with us both. And it wouldn't have been fair to either the other guy or me for Freddie to it that way.

Freddie said he still wants to talk to me, and despite that probably being a bit difficult, I want to do that too. I know, I know, EVERYONE says "we'll still be friends". In our case, I think we will. Months before Freddie and i ever met in person and "dated", we were talking to each other online and on the phone. I was kind of mentoring him in his coming out and coming to terms with being gay. Our relationship was based on that first, before it got physical.

I told Freddie that if this is what he wants, then this is what we'll do. I refuse to be the boyfriend who demands that his partner not leave him, and begs, threatens and pleads with him not to go. I refuse to prevent Freddie from fully experiencing his life but metaphorically typing him down. He wants to try other things, I'll let him try other things.

But as I told him, I'm not going to be waiting by the phone for him to come back. I'm not saying that to be mean, and I do NOT have some guy waiting in the wings to take his place. however, in the time Freddie and I have been together, I have turned down a few guys who wanted to "date" or try a relationship. If Freddie and I are apart, I told him, I will not turn those offers down if they come along.

I still love the little guy. I believe he still loves me too. I think we always will. But he feels the need to try new things, experience something different. If he and I are meant to be together, we will be. But for now, our lives are taking different paths. Do not let the calmness of this post fool you. I am not happy about this, this is not what I want. But it is the way things are going to be.

I hope he had fun with me, I hope he enjoyed himself. I hope he learned something, maybe, that he can use in the future. And I hope he knows how much he's changed my life. And I hope this new guy (who is much MUCH closer to his age) treats him right. He deserves only the best.

POLT

Listening to "Speed Of Sound" by Coldplay