Mama said there'd be days like this...

There'd be days like this, my mama said. Although I'm not sure if even she knew of days like this.

Let me preface this by explaining that yesterday, a good friend and coworker of mine, Ryan, locked the keys to an office INSIDE that office. We had to call a maintenance man in on a holiday to get it opened. And, as is my wont, I teased him...well, I won't say mercilessly, but for most of the day, I razzed him about it. But that was yesterday.

And OH, is Karma a fickle bitch of a mistress. Just sayin....

This morning, I was woken by a bad dream. Something along the lines of mom and I went to a place that reminded me of an airport, looking for this dentist I was supposed to go to. We couldn't find the office (although we did find a pet store of some sort selling green odd shaped bears the size of poodles), but the directory said I had to go to the info desk to find the dentist location. I got in the line. Mom was standing off to the side a few yards, and was quite angry that I had to stand in the line. She in fact was yelling to me across the distance about having to stand in it and why my ticket wasn't orange like all the other people had in line. I was embarrassed and furious with her, and we took it outside. There was something about Arab women laying on chaise lounges on wheels outside waiting for limos, or something, as mom and I argued. And then my cousin appeared with a backpack walking through the line of Jewish middle school soccer players standing nearby. This cousin can be something of a bitch, and she interjected herself into this, pissing my off. Finally, they both just said they were leaving, and I stormed off. But then I remembered that they had the car keys, and that my phone had caught a virus and was wiped clean. So once they left, I had no way to get out of where we were and no way home. I felt pissed off, dejected, rejected, lost, and just generally cranky.

And that's exactly the emotions I woke up to. And I knew it wasn't going to be a good day. If only I had, I'd have gone right back to bed.

So I get ready, get down to Miss Cleo, open the passenger side, put my stuff inside, put the key in the ignition and turn on the engine and the defrosters, then I get the scraper out and start scraping the windshield. When I'm done, I put the scraper back in the passenger's side, and flip the door switch to unlock all the doors. Then I go around to the driver's side....

And the door's locked. Instead of pushing the lock 'up' to unlock them all, I had pushed it 'down' locking them all.

With the keys inside.
And the motor running.
And the defrosters on.

*SIGH*

I called mom to see if she had a spare car key, which I knew she didn't. I knew I hadn't MADE an extra key. I've been driving for 25 years and have NEVER locked my keys inside the car. Especially while it was running. With the defrosters on. But, as I've said, Karma is a bitch.

So Ii went to mom's to get the spare house key (as my house keys were on the same chain as the car keys), and then I returned home and checked to see if I had a spare key, which, as I said I KNEW I didn't, but, well...hope springs eternal.

-So at 7:35 in the morning, I called AAA. They said they'd get someone there as soon as they could.
-At 8:00, I called a coworker to tell them what happened.
-At 8:10, I called the guy in charge today to make sure my coworker had told them.
-At 8:25, I called my coworker Ryan, who had I had harrassed yesterday just so he too knew what a fickle bitch Karma is.
-At 8:35, the guy arrived and within three minutes, my door was open. And despite the heat from the defrosters running for an hour nearly singing my eyebrows off as I got in the car, I was on my way. And of course, I had to stop to get gas on the way...thank God gas is so cheap now.

I got to work, of COURSE late. But did things improve? Oh no, Karma was with me ALL day.

-I got into an argument with a client at work, and while the shouting match DID relieve some tension in me, it didn't really accomplish anything.
-Today, they were serving pasta and sauce at work, which I enjoy, but I had worn a white shirt to work, so, yes, of course, I got a few red sauce splotches on it.
-I went to another building at work, forgetting to make copies of papers I was taking with me. I thought they had a copier in the building and after wandering through an area that's going to be remodeled and basically barren of furniture of any kind, not once, but TWICE, I was told they didn't have a copier there anymore because they were remodeling it. I tried to make copies on the fax machine and on the third try, after possibly sending copies of the paperwork I had to some unknown faxes somewhere in the world, I succeeded in making the copies.
- I was waiting for two clients to get to me, and I was in the bathroom, urniating, when a coworker yelled through the door that they were on their way. I hurried through, and thought I was finished with the act, but when I put lil Polt away, some remaining liquid squeezed out...into my underwear. What a swell feeling that is having a damp cold wet spot in the front of your underwear.
- I couldn't figure out what was wrong with the copier I usually use until a coworker came over and informed me it was just out of paper.
- I got watch a client have a seizure and throw up. Luckily NOT in my office. Karma, I suppose, took pity on my there.

But yes, I've learned my lesson: Do NOT mock your friends, because Karma will pay you a visit, and she's worse than Aunt Flo.

I'm hoping to just spend the evening inside, doing nothing. I'm gonna try REAL hard not to get electrocuted, or drown in the shower, or fall through a window or God only knows what else. I've only got 6 hours and 45 more minutes until this day is gone forever!

POLT Listening to "Be Good Johnny" by Men At Work

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.