I'm bringing sexy back, then other boys don't know how to act...

Hey, kids, Uncle Polt is back! Auntie Ag and I made up to Toronto and back safely. No major problems. And we had a BLAST!

The trip started out weird (par the course for us) when after being on the road for 45 minutes, I thought I had forgotten my meds. I pulled over, checked the trunk, checked my bags in the backseat, and FINALLY located them in my backpack, where we looked first but didn't find them. I did manage to remember my iPod, which gave us good tunes for the drive, and me while I walked around up there. The theme song of our trip was "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake.

We made afew wrong turns, once while looking for a particular rest stop on the QEW outside Hamilton Onatrio, once after getting through customs coming back into the USA and instead of getting on the Interstate, we took a short detour through a part of Buffalo we'd never seen before, once when we were returning to Bradford, and construction forced us to miss the exit we wanted, and once in Phillipsburg PA, where they made a whole new intersection that somehow makes us miss the turn we need where as the old intresection never did. Road improvements, go figure.

We met, and I fell in love with, our first pleasant toll booth lady. She was a smiling, very nice black lady in her early 50's I suppose, on the toll road around Buffalo on our way up. We pulled up and she said, "Morning sweetheart!" I handed her the toll, and she said, "Have a nice weekend, now!" and she said with sincerity and genuine joy. I LOVE her. Also, coming back into the USA, we had to, for what I think was the first time, pop our trunk so the officer could inspect it. Damn duvet that Ag bought, almost got us caught up there, I'm CERTAIN that was the unusual item he wanted to check out!

We saw gas as cheap as $2.15 a gallon in central Pennsylvania, and as high as 84 cent a liter, which i think comes out to around $3.36 Canadian, which is just CRAZY! I can't imagine what it was back over the summer.

We tried to get together with a fellow blogger, Moonspells, but we couldn't get our schedules to merge. Perhaps next time, sweetie! It rained some, but not excessively. (although my first REAL purchase in Toronto was an umbrella!) It was mostly sunny and pleasant the days we were there.

I did manage to get together with my friend ED, who I met there last year and kept in touch with over the ensuing months. We went out Friday nights to a bar called Crews/Tango/The Zone, which is actually three different bars all in seperate parts of the same building. We watched a drag show in the one, and I tell you, I have a new appreciation for just how good our local drag queen are. I'm sorry, but these ladies just were...well, not good. I was underimressed. Although, later in the evening, we did wander back to the drag show again, and they had several different girls performing, one of which was doing a Pink song. She wore a tight short mini-skirt and at one point, she hiked the skirt up to her waist, revealing her black tights underneath (and the outstanding shrink/tuck job she had done, we saw no bulge, but we knew it was there), and damned if she did just jump up into the air and land ont he stage in a split!!! yes indeed she did! Oh I HAD to applaud that one! How could you not? Also, Ed and I discussed how in the States, we traditionally give the drag queens dollars as they perform, and he pointed out that they don't use dollar bills in Canada, so the giving of dollar coins would be a bit much for the girls to carry around after a while. We tried the upstairs bar, but the music was a bit more...loud, hot, hard, throbbing and thumping than we wanted. I wouldn't have minded staying just to watch, cause the guys dancing to it were loud, hot, hard, throbbing and thumping as well, but whatever. So we went to the Zone, were they played music a bit more to our tastes. I had two beers and then we hit the dance floor for like an hour and a half. Afterwards, my thighs, knees and ankles reminded me I was no longer 25. Bastards.

Ed and I also got together Sunday night and went to Remingtons, the premiere gay strip club in Toronto. It was ladies night, and the place was PACKED with women, which was okay. We could still see the hot guys taking off thier clothes, and isn't that the only reason to go to a gay strip club anyway?

Two years ago, I had run into and hooked up with, this guy names Fizul. We kept in touch for a bit, but it fell by the wayside. Last year, I had no contact with him. I didn't even take his contact information with me this time. And yet, somehow, I ran into him...TWICE! What a coincidence! The second time a bit more...."fun" of a run-in...and I'll say no more.

Sunday while walking around, Auntie Ag hurt her knee pretty badly. That night, while eating a Skor bar, I broke my tooth in half. Luckily there, was no blood or pain for me, and it remained in until Tuesday night, when the broken part fell entirely out, once more with no pain or blood, thankfully. I've got an appointment on Thursday to get it fixed, and Ag's knee wasbetter the next day. After all the walking I was doing, my right calf was sore, cramping and making me limp some most of the trip. Bastard.

We ate at the hotel resturant for breakfast twice (breakfast buffet) and once for supper (prime rib with the buffet), we ate at Zelda's on Church Street, a great, gay, campy experience. I had halibut and chips one day for lunch, and breakfast as McDonald's another day. The night of Ag's knee issue, I got us pizza from the Pizza Pizza next to the restaurant and brought it to the hotel room for us. And another night, we decided to get our own meals, so I got a sub from Mr. Sub. I had seen the stores all over Toronto from the first time I was there, and now I finally had soemthing from them.

I went to the Eaton Centre twice, it's a HUGE 4 story shopping mall taking up a whole city block (at least) in Toronto. I also visited a couple souvenir stores. I went to a few bookstores, and was crushed when 1,000,000Comix was no longer a block north of our hotel. I thought it had closed,but later found it had only moved another block north on Yonge, so I visited it, although I never made my way to the SIlver Snail Comic book shop, unfortunately. Ag and I went to a sex shop (it was her idea), and I visited several shops along Church Street in the gay-borhood. I didn't purchase all that much, souvenirs, a calender, some books, some cards, etc.

Our room was on the 17th floor, the top one of the Courtyard by Marriottl, and was south facing, which meant, when not obscured by fog, we could see the CN Tower to our right and the Lake between some buildings on our left. One elevator ride down had 9 of us in there, that was kinda tight. I don't see how 12 is the limit, as posted. nine was quite full. The hotel was pleasant, keeping our rooms neat and tidy (without excessive delay like our previous hotel), allowed me to get online once, had cute bellboys and valets, and a great restaurant, with a cute Asian guy named Frankie, I think, seating us.

Thursday night going up, and Tuesday night coming back, we stayed in Bradford PA. Both nights had us eating at Beefeaters, for their sumptuous 16 oz steak. And both mornings had us eating at the European Pastry Shop for thier two eggs/toast/hash browns/choice of meat/danish for $4.99 special. Yummy. Oh yeah, and who had trouble with thier cellphone from the time they arrived in Bradford? WHo spent two seperate nights on the phone, practically yelling at the poor Sprint support people to get his phone fixed, adn STILL all the kinks weren't worked out until THIS morning. yeah, that would be me.

Oh, and the sex I wanted...yeah, that particular goal was accomplished as well. Now we all know, Uncle Polt is NOT the type of girl to kiss and tell (oh STOP laughing!), so without going into excessive unnecessary detail, I'll just say, from Friday afternoon to Monday very late evening, I had sexual contact with 14 different gentlemen. Now, not all of these were the smae kind of contact, nor were they all equally satisfying to me, but, they were sexual contact nonetheless. And we'll just leave it at that. And yes, Uncle Polt is a whore. Now, let's just keep that little tidbit of knowledge just between us, 'kay?

I also managed to remember many quotes from the weekend. I'll list them all here below, alphabetically. might give you some idea of the weekend we had.

• Ag, your driving makes my butt vibrate. - Polt
  Ahh! I feel dirty and violated! Ag, you molested me! - Polt
• "Damn construction detours." "Oh look, we're approaching Bradford, are we going back to Canada again?" - Ag
• "Do you have any idea who many bottles of water I bought?" "Maybe we should bring a case next time?" - Ag
• Don't point out my hypocracies. I can see them. I just choose to ignore them. - Polt
  Eating off my plate? Okay, we are now officially an old married couple! - Ag
• Hey, Ag, can you hear me? You have your earplugs in yet? Huh? Ag? - Polt
• I guess "Poseidon" isn't a good movie to get for the busride to the boat for a cruise. - Ag
• I had my fat ass rolling around on Yonge Street, almost got hit by a cab, just so I didn't have to have some naked boy dancing on my lap?!?!?! - Ag
• I have never been fearful of your shimmeying. - Polt
  I have not had a penis in any part of my body since 3:30 yesterday afternoon! - Polt
• I know full well it's only because we're in a fancy place like this that you haven't smacked my head up against the wasll yet. - Polt
• I love that there's all these radio stations here and not a single one plays country! - Polt
• I think I have a peanut in my cleavage. - Ag
  I wonder if we can get some Pe'si from a Snappy's in Missisauga? - Ag
• I'm averting my eyes! I'm averting my eyes! - Polt & Ag, at various times
• I'm returning from Toronto less $200, half a tooth and a bucketfull of my seed. - Polt
• I'm sexy, and you're back! - Polt
• If we ever get on Survivor or some reality show, you are NOT going to do the "Buckle Yourself In First" challenge! - Polt
  It's better to have it out and not need it than to need it and not have it out. - Ag
  It's fun to make fun of you with another person! - Freddie
  Just another hour, Ag! Please? A half hour? Just another hour, please? - Polt
• Just because my eyes are closed, it doesn't mean I'm asleep. - Ag
  Look, I got leaves in ma grill! - Polt
  Mmm, sweet without being overbearing. Like me! - Polt
  Oh don't MAKE me take a picture of you like that! - Polt
• "Oh...should i have stopped there?" "It's too late now." - Ag
  Oh, we're bringing back some t-shirts, some souvenirs and we DEFINATLY did NOT buy a duvet! - Polt
• "Pick a letter! Near the front of the alphabet! Before Q!" "...w?" - Ag
  That twitching in your leg is your thigh telling you, 'You're not young anymore, you're not young anymore!" - Ag
• There's a spider in the car, and it's red, so we know it's Canadian! - Polt
• "They've given me 3 knives and 2 forks. Places like this make me uncomfortable." "Places with cloth napkins make you uncomfortable." - Ag
• "What the HELL are you doing to me?" "Well, there's a man in my bed, so..." - Ag
• When you say that, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. - Ag
• Where's the map? WE might need it for our unscheduled tour of downtown Buffalo. - Polt
• Who else is gonna buy you a gay jade buddha? - Polt
• You and lines, I don't get it! There's an empty one and you go here? - Ag
• You are a freak. You're just a freak. - Ag
• You need me to go to the sex shop with you, cause everytime you go by, there's a big scary guy behind the counter? - Polt
• You're touching my po-po, Ag. Isnt' that kind of incestuous? - Polt
• Your processed cheese product is melting. - Polt
  "Your tooth is in your pocket?" "Yeah, remind me of that later." - Polt

I also took a TON of photos. I'll post those soon, but knowing how Blogger can get when it comes to posting photos, don't hold your breath on it. There's like 60 some photos I have to go through, so give me a little time for that, eh?

Now, all I need is some rest, and I'm ready to get back to rela life. I hate it that I usually need a vacation to recover from a vacation.

POLT = listening to "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston

It's really expensive to look that cheap. - Dolly Parton