Thursday, September 21, 2006

He says he's a beautician and sells you nutrition...

In order to have the most well informed readers in all of blogdom, I give you the following:

Cum Nutrition Facts
In this age of calorie and carb counting and required nutrition labeling on foods, everyone wants to know exactly what's in what they're eating. And of course, if you're going to eat cum, it's no different. Unfortunately, it's hard to find exact nutritional data for semen, but here's some information to help you figure out how cum fits into your balanced diet.

What's in Semen:Obviously, semen contains spermatozoa, but sperm accounts for only a small percentage of spunk. Cum is 90 percent seminal fluid, which is composed of dozens of chemical components. The base of seminal fluid is primarily fructose (sugar) and proteins, with many other trace minerals and substances.

Here's a listing of some of semen's ingredients:
Sugars: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol
Proteins and amino acids: glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), creatine
Minerals: Phosphorus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium
Vitamins: Ascorbic acid (vitamin C), vitamin B12, choline
Hormones: Testosterone, prostaglandins
Body byproducts: Lactic acid, urea, uric acid, nitrogen

Is Eating Cum Healthy?: Healthy semen (that is, cum produced by a well-nourished, disease-free male) may in fact be not only safe to eat, but actually good for you. Seminal fluid, the base of cum, is a veritable nutrient-rich soup. Semen is a source of highly concentrated, high-quality protein. In dietary terms, it's comparable to egg whites or gelatin. Besides protein, semen contains high concentrations of some minerals, such as zinc, and trace amounts of other important nutrients, like calcium and magnesium. While you shouldn't depend on a shot of cum to get your recommended daily allowances of vitamins and minerals, swallowing semen on a regular basis can't hurt as a dietary supplement.

Will Semen Make Me Fat?: Although cum may look creamy and opaque, it contains very little fat, and few calories. One teaspoon of cum contains about 5 calories, and the average ejaculation produces about a tablespoon of semen, for a total of 15 calories. Because of the sugars in seminal fluid, we'd guess that it has a few carbohydrates, but considering the relatively small volume of semen per "serving" we'd guess the total amount to be negligible. Given that cum is a high-protein, low-carb snack, you'd think the Atkins Diet people would be all over it by now.

Plus, when you factor in the calories expended in performing oral sex, chances are you're burning off much more than you're consuming. The only way that swallowing during a blow job will make you fat is if you cover your lover's dick with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

Now, I hope all the confusion is cleared up.

POLT = listening to "Vogue" by Madonna

"Were you drunk?" "It was twelve noon! Of course I was drunk!" - Evie, Girls Will Be Girls

6 comments:

exile said...

so can you get "low carb cum?"

Anonymous said...

Here!!!! Here!!!!!

I just KNEW it was healthy for me.

Fairy Godfather.

The Persian said...

Leave it to you Polty to go there, but oddly I'm glad you did. Do you think it's odd that reading that sort of made me feel all tingly/weird inside?

I must be a freak :)

have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

Oh cum, cum now, what's all this talk about Spunk! Are the birds back at Capistrano? What kind of birds are they? You don't say! And it's good for me too? Open up and say AHHHH!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh for cying out loud...

*snickers*

Polt said...

exile: perhaps, but WHY would you? :)

Mark: Yeah, so have another shot. On me. (well, not ON me, exactly...you know what I mean...)

Persian: Tingly/weird inside? Were you touching yourself in your special no-no place while you were reading it? :)

Ed: birds? Okay, Ed, honey, maybe you've had a little too much of it and are hallucinating (and one overdose on cum?)

Jason: hehehehehe....