Lay thier money down, blahblahblah, fuck it, fuck it all...

I feel pretty blah lately.

Not depressed. Not sad. Not apathetic. Just....blah.

I found out today a friend of mine is having health/job issues, and there's nothing i can do to help. Other than be there to listen if need be, but that feels so inadequate. Dad's sick, vomiting a lot. But not from the chemo, it's been two weeks since he had that. probably just a virus he caught, which is easy to do in hiw weakend state. It's been raining the last two days. Which normally would be okay, cause I like rain. And it's kept the sun blocked and temps down, which is definitely a good thing, but I think that may be contributing to my malaise. I'll be forty soon, and that's kinda nagging in my mind....my own mortality, my legacy, my accomplishments, all that. Freddie's back home, and we can only talk on the phone, and that's fine, but I miss him. I have the feeling I should be doing something, but I don't feeling like doing anything. I'm not interested in anything. Food is tasteless and doesn't excite me like it normally does. I can't think of anything I want to eat. Reading is...boring now. Even comic books fail to pique my interest. And tv, please. there's NOTHING on tv. I get online and piddle around here, but don't really look for anything specifically, its like I'm wandering aimlessly. I masturbate to alleviate the boredom, but even that doesn't...raise my spirits like it normally does. I need to do the dishes, re-organize some things in my apartment, call a few friends, see about going to visit my cousin one weekend, but I dont' feel like doing any of it. I did do laundry today, and talked to dad short bit while i was there and petted the dog as she slept on my lap (that's brought me the most joy I've had in a few days), but that's about it.

Just last week, I went to see Hairspray with a girl from work, we had a blast. That was Friday night. But since like Saturday evening I've felt this way. Well, hell I slept most of yesterday away, maybe that's what the problem is.

I'll have to call people and make plans to do something the nights this week. That may improve things. Even if I don't feel like doing that, I should do it anyway. Oh well, I'm certain I'll be over this soon. This is just how I feel now....

POLT

I'm gonna be so hot that I'll fuck myself. - Kathy Griffin