Namely, the gays.
And that led me to thinking, who would I put in each position (Cabinet position, not sexual position, you pervs).
Secretary Of State: Ellen DeGeneres
She likes to talk, and she gets people talking, and isn't that what the Sec. Of State is all about? Arabs talking to Israelis, Catholics talking to Protestants, Americans talking to Cubans? And in the photos, she's talking to the wife and daughter of that dead Crocodile Hunter guy. See? She's not even been offered the position, and already she's talking to Australians!
Attorney General: Will Truman
Hey, he IS an attorney after all. And he has no social life to speak of, so I don't have to be worried about him becoming embroiled in a sex scandal or anything. And he bring Grace along for the ride, what the hell?
Secretary of the Treasury: Tom Cruise
The Treasury is all about money, and we all know Tom Cruise has LOTS of money. We also all know he'd fit right in, in my Cabinet, despite what his agent and handlers might say. Know what I mean? Say no more, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Secretary of Defense: That sailor guy from the Village People
He knows ALL about the Navy, about getting himself clean, having a good meal, doing whatever he feels. Hey, look at the bright side, he CAN'T do any worse than Rumsfeld did.
Secretary of The Interior: That cowboy guy from the Village People
As a cowboy, he should know all about the West, and the mountains and plains and forests and all that real out-doorsy stuff.
Secretary Of Housing And Urban Development: That construction worker guy from the Village People
Who knows more about building houses and developing urban areas than a construction worker?
Undersecretary For Indian Affairs: That Indian guy from the Village People
Well, this one was a no-brainer, eh?
Secret Service Chief: That cop from the Village People
Technically, this is a division of the Department of Treasury, so he'd be serving under Tom Cruise. But I bet that not the first gay guy in a cop uniform who 'served' under Tom Cruise.
BA-Da-Bing!
Secretary for S&M, B&D, and All Things Leather: That leather guy from the Village People.
Well, I didn't want him to feel left out, now did I?
Secretary of Labor: Mary Cheney
As the lesbian daughter of uber-conservative Vice President Dick 'Dickhead' Cheney, Ms. Cheney managed to not stur up the ire of the Far Right when she became pregnant and had a child with her lesbian partner. So I figure she should have an easy confirmation in the Senate. And being pregnant, she knows quite a bit about Labor.
Secretary of Health and Human Services: Neil Patrick Harris
As Doogie Howser, he learned about health, I'm sure. And as a gay man, he's probably learned a lot about servicing humans! (oh stop. It was either that or some joke about him doing you're yearly hernia/prostate check. I had to choose!)
Secreraty of Education: Mr. Garrison
If he can teach a bunch of animated 4th graders, he can certainly lead a large government bureaucracy.
Secretary of Agriculture: Ted Allen
Agriculture's all about food and stuff. And who knows more about food than Queer Eye For The Straight Guy's Food And Wine Connoisseur Ted Allen?
Secretary of Homeland Security AND Redecorating: Thom Filicia
Yes, guarding the boreders and ensuring the security of the Homeland is a tense and stressful job. But wouldn't we all be able to handle is a bit better with a fresh coat of paint and some delightful throw pillows? Queer Eye For The Straight Guy's Thom knows all about redecorating!
Secretary of The Center Square: Paul Lynde
Just because.
Secretary of Fashion And Clothing Development: Tim Gunn
Like there's anyone else who could, with this new Cabinet position, 'make it work'.
Secretary of Transportation: Patty Bouvier
She's worked at the Springfield DMV for years, she's got plenty of experience in delays and "now please go to the end of the other line"-ing.
Secretary of Hairsprays, Dirty Shames, and Pink Flamingos: John Waters
I've always loved his work. I was gonna put him in charge of the Motion Pictures Ratings Association, the poetic justice and irony of that appealed to me. But then I realized that wasn't a government agency. So I made a Department just for him.
Secretary of Energy: Chi-Chi LaRue
All the pornos she directs have such energy in them and are filled with the hottest, sexiest, most energetic guys, she would seem perfect for the jobs. Plus, maybe I can convince her to let me sit in on some of her sets when she films. When I'm busy doing other presidential things.
Chief of NASA: Lance Bass
Seriously, this is probably the closest he's EVER gonna get to actual outer space.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Kathy Griffin
Okay, I know she's not gay, but the gays LOVE her. And I know she's not a veteran, but she did visit Iraq and the soldiers there once on her show. So why not? And besides, I bet she'd make Cabinet meetings a real hoot!
The Presidential Bodyguards: These two guys
Shut up. It's my post, it's my fantasy, let me live it as I want to!
POLT
Where the HELL is my chiffon??? - Andrae, Project Runway
3 comments:
I agree with everyone but Tom Cruise. He is a whacked out Scientologist
Onanite
Oh I like the bodyguards. Something tells me thought that they wouldn't be so much guarding your body as doing it.
Great cabinet. Tom Cruise - teehee.
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