Feeling a bit better today. I went to bed last night about 8:30 an read some comic books. That took my mind off everything. That's my safe, happy place. Reading comic books, even ones that I've already read, is quite relaxing because, honestly, it takes me back to my childhood when things were easier and the worst problem I had could be solved by a soothing word from mom.

I went to sleep actually sometime around 10:00 I think. I got up this morning and out of bed about 9:30. Today I tried to keep a bit busy, I went with mom to Wal-Mart, did a load of laundry, did some surfing on the blogs I hadn't been able to visit over the weekend.

But I'm still in a funk. The last year or so has been a good year, don't get me wrong, but it's been a very stressful time as well. And I gotta tell you, if someone spends a lot of their time in a stressed state, I can totally understand how some people just go off. This sucks.

As I sit here, I'm worrying about this new laptop, am I gonna be able to get it set up the same way my old one was, do I have sufficient anti-viral stuff going, do I relaly like the Toshiba or instead of getting one right away, should I have ordered another Dell online and waited for it to arrive. I'm worried about the snow that's falling, cause I don't know how well the new car will go through it and how well it performs in snow. I'm worried about the new car, but I don't know why, cause I've already got the car. i'm worried about something breaking in the house and how pathetically incapable I am of doing damn near anything myself around here. Painting, hanging pictures correctly, redo-ing the bathroom, etc...I have no confidence in my ability to do any of it. I worry about something happening to mom, cause she's gonna be 67 years old next month, and she's not gonna be around forever, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do when she's gone.

And that's the kind of stupid shit I'm worried about. I think I'm having problems now because of so much that's happened within the last ten days: Two record breaking blizzards and the resulting aftermath, Miss Cleo dying, having to go through the process of buying another one (even though it was quite easy and painless), and then the loss of the laptop and having to get a new one and deal with it as I mentioned above.

I know, I know, in my head I know that this stuff is not all that bad. I'm not injured. Mom's still alive and healthy. My house didn't burn down. I was able to afford the car AND the computer. In my head, I know all that. But my head isn't what's causing me stress. I don't know what is. I really just wanna get into bed, crawl into the fetal position and just lay there until I feel better.

I'll come through this. I've come through worse...at some point in time, I'm sure. Its just something I need to make my way through. I'm almost looking forward to work tomorrow (if I can get there in the snow) because surprisingly, it's the one place right now where I have little stress. Course, I haven't been there much in the last ten days, only about three days. So maybe I'm just having a case of cabin fever.

Whatever...right now, I'm feeling a bit better than I did yesterday. I just hope tomorrow I feel better than I do today. And so on and so forth.

UPDATE:7:45 pm
Corey called me and told me that 1) my anti-viral stuff was satisfactory. He recommended I get two other things, things that I'll look into soon, but right now, I'm okay. And 2) After I described what was going on with the old laptop, he seems to think he'll be able to isolate whatever the problem is an eliminate it. Both of these things made me feel quite a bit better.

Also, after this, my Toronto Buddy Michelle called me. A friend of hers is having a birthday party at a newly opened restaurant on Wednesday. And Todd will be there. Last January, Todd was at a dinner I was at with Michelle, he's gay and I thought he was cute. Over the ensuing year, there were three occasions when there were attempts for us to be at the same place again, but each time, something came up to make it not happen. So hopefully this Wednesday, Todd and I will both be there and get a chance to talk. Just to see what, if anything happens.

So after all of this, I'm doing a bit better than I was when I first posted this. yay for me.

POLT