Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Like they used to come before, the awkwardness...

My defination of awkwardness:



Pelosi, bushie, and DICK, in the Oval Office last November after the spanking the American people gave the administration at the polls. How many of smiles you think were forced or painted on that day, eh? How long do think DICK could hold that forced smile before his face cracked under the pressure?

POLT

Sand is not sexy. Especially in underpants. - A Non Moron

The unknown monster is about to embark...

When I moved into the apartment ten years ago, Sprint was my local carrier. They remained so until late last summer when they became Embarq...wherever the hell they got that name from. I got a cable modem the end of October and canceled my home phone, as I didn't need it, since I use my cellphone for all my calls anyway. I paid the last Embarq bill I had here and figured that would be the end of it.

Mid-November, I got another bill from Embarq. It told me that there was some part of the bill I had outstanding, a late fee or part of the cancelation fee or some part of the bill that wasn't included in the final I paid, I don't have any idea what it was. The outstanding part of the bill was for 34 cents.

Thirty. Four. Freakin. Cents.

I thought there is no way I'm paying that. The psotage itself is gonna cost more than what I'll owe, not to mention the fact I'll be wasting a check. And c'mon, 34 cents, how petty is that? So i threw the bill away.

In December, January and now February as well, they've sent me bills as well, informing me that I still owe 34 cents. They've now sent me 4 notices total to this effect. That's $1.36 postage. Now, I've been told they pay a lesser rate for things like that, I don't know, but I feel certain they've so far paid a LOT more than 34 cents to get this from me. And that doesn't include the four envelopes, four returns envelopes, eight sheets of paper, ink to print stuff on both sides of those eight pages, and someone, somewhere, is being paid to...I don't know, handle this somehow. i understand mostthings are done by computer, but somewhere, there's gotta be someone who's being paid money to waste thier time trying to get this 34 cents from me.

Thirty. Four. Freakin. Cents.

I am not paying it. Screw 'em. This has entered the realm of sheer absurdity now. I will not pay. Let 'em send it to a collection agency, I'll still not pay. Let that collection agency garnish my wages, they're welcome to do so for 34 cents. Let 'em take me to court, or whatever they do to get this princely sum outta me.

They'll have that quarter, nickel, and four pennies when they pry them from my cold dead hands. I'm 7/8ths German, and if we of German hertiage are one thing, it's stubborn! And I have put my foot down! I will NOT pay them this idiotic fee. Now I just want to see how many more notices I get, or how far they want to take this.

Thirty. Four. Freakin. Cents.

Insanity.

POLT

"Now he'll sing from his musical bum." "No, no, no! It's music album!" - Benny Hill

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet (Part 11)...

Stephen decided not to post a new video this week, so I've had to go back into the archives and find one to post. I don't know if I've posted this one before, but even if I have, we can enjoy it again.



I mean, who doesn't enjoy a hot, cute gay guy dancing in shorts to Madonna?

POLT

If I had to have sex with a woman it would be Hillary Swank or Tobey MacGuire! - WIll, Will&Grace

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

What else can i say, everyone is gay (Part 2)...

I've got a question for ya...



Me trying to drink out of this phallically placed beer bottle....Does This Make Me Look Gay?

POLT

I say to you my friends that if the presidency doesn't have to be on speaking terms with reality, still less does the governor...cy. - Joker, Batman: Dark Detective #1

There's too much information in my head (Part 31)...

Got this from http://tmituesday.blogspot.com as always.

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story? Usually, it’s quite sexy. It does sometimes create an…odor, but I’ve found it to be an arousing scent. I suppose commando in the same pair jeans for weeks at a time would definitely become disgusting.
2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much? Too much? Hell no! The more you have, the better the sex is. However, when the time comes for sex, to try to continue with just the foreplay is simply evil.
3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww? Oh, both are awesome! Giving depends a lot on your partners….equipment. The more acttracted you are to it, the more fun it’ll be giving. And if anyone says both are "equally ewww!" then all I can say is they ain't been doing it right.
4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running? I can still do about three a day, but that’s spread out over the day, not back to back. Not anymore. I’m lamost 40 for Christ’s sake. But watching my partner have multiples…yeah, THAT gets my motor running!
5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work." There’s little better in the world compared to being woken up from sleep by realizing your…unit is in some warm, moist, sucking place.
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name? Um….well, I’ve have orgasms without knowing the partner's first name. Even without knowing the first names of anyof the partners involved.

POLT

I do listen to your advice. It's just that...in this case...your advice is...well, asnine. - Maxwell Lord, JLA Classified #4

Monday, February 26, 2007

I'm a punk took a shower cause i stunk...

I've lived in this apartment 10 years as of September 1st of this year. All during that time, I have not liked the showerhead. It's too low, the water smacks me in the middle of my chest. And when i want to wash my hair, I have to turn around and lean back until my head is under the water...not a comfortable position.

Well, after almost ten years I had had enough! (Yeah, I have a real slow fuse sometimes) So tonight, when i was at Wal-Mart, I bought a new showerhead! When i got home, I was gonna call Ag to install it for me because 1) she's already installed a new one in her shower and 2) I have absolutely NO handyman skills to speak of. Honestly. Remember Tim "The Toolman" Taylor from Home Improvement in the 90's? Well, one day I aspire to be as competant with home improvement as he was.

But then i thought, no I can probably do this myself. i should at least try. And if I end up with two showerheads laying on the floor and none on the tub, well I can always give her a call then, right?

So i read the instructions, seemed easy enough. I took the old head off, and cleaned off the grooves as well as I could. Then it mentioned "pipe tape". What the hell is pipe tape? I know duct tape, masking tape, measuring tape, Scotch tape, tape recordings, tape worms, but never heard of pipe tape. And I knew I didn't have any around the house.

I was contemplating using the Scotch tape I have, when i noticed something wrapped in plastic and taped to the inside of the directions. I opened it. I assumed it was pipe tape, I had no idea what else it could be. So I started unwrapping it, and then realized I outta be wrapping this directly on the grooves, so i did. I screwed in the attachment, the tube into the attachemtn, the tube into the showerhead itself.

Then the directions said to slowly turn on the cold water and see if there was any leakage. I said a few prayers, and did so...and no leaks! I turned on the cold and hot water, like when I'd be taking a shower, and NO leaks! Whoo-hoo! I was so excited, I took a shower right away, to celebrate.

i also got a photo of the new showerhead.



Now, just to long as I don't slip, catch my head in that loop and hang myself. Hey, with me, it's not outside the realm of possibility.

POLT

He had every characteristic of a dog, except loyalty. - Monty, It's My Party

Week 84...

MONDAY'S HOT SHIRTLESS GUY PHOTOS

(this week, I have another theme: each of the boys in the photos is holding something [and since this is a family blog, don't be perverted in what you think it may be])





















POLT

Dude, that is one sorry outfit. You make Doctor Spectro look good. You know how hard that is? - Speedy, Green Arrow #46

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Idiots obey, they make it easy...

this pretty much just speaks for itself.



POLT

"Bob! Bob, you're alive!" "....Apparently so." - Rebedeau, OZ

Taken just some sex for the weekend...

I haven't posted much this weekend, but there's a reason for that: Freddie made a surprise visit down. We weren't planning on him coming down, but since he has no classes on Fridays and since he missed me so much (awww), he left Thursday night. He got here about 130 in the morning. Luckily, he had called me before he left, so that even though he has a key, this way I would know it was him and not some intruder and punch him or smack him with something when I realized he was beside my bed.

He came into the apartment, put his stuff in the living room, undressed and came to bed. I was already asleep, but I woke up when I heard him in the bedroom. We were up for about an hour or so. Then we went to sleep.

I still had to get up for work on Friday. And work itself was....well not that great. Kinda irritating, actually, even though I had training for most of the morning. One co-worker of mine was just all OVER my nerves. And I was tired and a bit cranky to begin with. Somehow, I made it through.

Friday evening, Freddie and I spend here. We ordered a pizza, and watched some TV and stuff. We didn't actually do a whole lot, cause as I said, i was cranky and bitchy and pissy. But we got to BE together on the couch while watching TV and stuff, so that made it kinda okay.

Saturday, naturally, I still had to go to work. Work was better Satruday: there are less people working Saturdays, less co-workers and bosses, and so there's less people there to act like fools and try to fuck up my day. And work itself was less hectic. And I had had a good night's sleep the night before. (I went to bed before Freddie, and didn't wake up when he came to bed. i did know he was there about 330 when I woke up a bit to roll over and my arm ended up draped across his shoulder and chest. Awww...)

So when I got home, the first thing I did was apologize to Freddie for my bad attitude last night, and quite sweetly, he accepted. After some playing and showering, we headed outside. We went to Target so I could get a new toaster. It seems I had a Pop Tart in my old one, and it fell apart and big chunks of it went to teh bottom, where they'd burn and make a horrible smell if i used it again. And plus, the toaster is one I bought when i moved in here...ten years ago. Surely, ten years is time enough to get a new toaster.

After Target, we went to the mall, and ate at Garfields. had a great meal. Had a really cute and funny waitress, Meg. She was a sweetie. At the end, she wished us a FABulous night..kinda emphasizing it. Freddie and I both noticed the extra emphasis she put on it, so perhaps, I was a bit more of a flaming queen than i had intended.

After this, we came home and watched two more episodes of Queer As Folk. I love watching it again, cause I can see how much the characters changed from the beginning of the series to the end of it. And I love watching it with Freddie, cause since he's seeing it all for the first time, I can kinda see it that way and experience it for the first time all over again.

When i got up this morning, the weather was clear, but within and hour, it was snowing. And snowing pretty quickly too. No ice though, thank God. being the worrywart that I am, and seeing as how Freddie had a three hour drive ahead of him in unknown weather conditions, I was kinda insistent he leave earlier than we had planned. So by about 1100am, he was all packed up and on hisway back to school. He called about 200 and told me he was back safely.

i spent the rest of the afternoon reading, downloading porn, and watching a 3 hour docunmentary on Alexander The Great...although I probably slept through about half of it total. And then I realized I hadn't posted much, so i thought I better rectify that situation. ANd here we are.

I took some photos out the door to my balcony of the snow falling earlier, so you can see how pretty it all was.





The kinda blurriness to them is the screen I had to take the photos through.

POLT

"You know what, Toby? You're what my mother calls a pain in the ass." "Well, that's what my mother calls it too.'" - - Toby Zeigler, The West Wing

Let's get unconscious honey (Part 37)...

As always, these come from http://subliminal.lunanina.com/

I say ... and you think ... ?

Soldier :: Army
Lipton :: Iced Tea
Reason :: Because
Terms :: Contract
Positive :: Negative
Example :: For Instance
Legacy :: Birthright
Solo :: Han
Instrument :: Trumpet
Later :: On

POLT

"What the fuck are you doing with a cigarette, Pancamo?" "....Um, smoking it." - Pancamo, OZ

Saturday, February 24, 2007

My baby's got a secret (Part 10)...

Secret Saturdays





POLT

The war, energy prices, the failure with Katrina...Republicans can't govern. - Rahm Emmanuel

Friday, February 23, 2007

Met her at a party and I took her home...

So last Saturday I, along with Ghostie, when to the Parispeking household for a getogether. It was Mr. David Parispeking's birthday. Naturally he was there too, along with Mrs. Davis Parispeking, both the little girl Parispekings, and Missy, the Parispeking's dog.




































The baby, Katie Parispeking, is like 5 months old. This is the first time I got to meet her. The older girl, Abby Parispeking, was there in a rare 3yr old form. The four of us (not including the girls) sat and talked for a bit, then ordered pizzas. They chose Papa John's, which i have an aversion to because of thier anti-gay bias, but hell, i wasn't paying for the pizza, and I was the guest there, so who was I to complain? Well, who was I to not complain too much, at any rate.

After the pizza, I played with Katie ParisPeking on the big pillow on the floor. And Missy Parispeking as well. And though Abby Parispeking was climbing all over everyone, and jabbering away in her own little way that we really don't understand (a trait she must have inherited from her fahter), and just being cute as the dickens most of the time, the rest of the time she sat in front of the TV quietly watching Dora The Explorer. And Diego too, much to her father's consternation. ("damn immigrants" I think was what Mr. David Parispeking said about that).

And later, we even did some redecorating. We moved a sofa into a position that I found more aesthetically pleasing than where it had been previously. And if there's one thing we gays know, it's interior design! (Well, you wouldn't know it from seeing my apartment, but just cause i choose to keep my place in the "Tornado-Just-Blown-Through" style doesn't mean i don't know other styles!) I've been told since that the sofa remained there and a new TV and stand were even purchased for the room as well.

I took several photos throughout the night. Strangely, even thought it was Mr. David Parispeking's brithday, I didn't get any pictures of him. go figure.


This is Katie Parispeking, on the pillow pre-me playing with her.












This would be Missy Parispeking on Ghostie's lap. She's probably scoping out the graham crackers Abby was eating. By my count, Missy Parispeking got three graham crackers, at least one of those cheesey peanut butter crackers, and possibly the crust of a slice of pizza.









This is Katie Parispeking during or post-playing with me. I know that because I'd put my hand on her chest, wiggle here back and forth and make this growling noise. She'd wrap her hands around mine, wrap her lets and feet around my arm and laugh and giggle herself silly.









This is Missy Parispeking on my lap. As you can see her collar is purple. Purely coincidental I'm sure, but a small feature I noticed nonetheless.












This is Missy Parispeking again. But in addition, Abby's "stuffed Missy" is with her. Uncanny how similar they look, eh? twins?












Good times had by all. And when Mrs. David Parispeking needs a new piece of furniture, I hope she knows who to call to help her get it.

POLT

There's this creepy connection between leather sex, Star Trek, and teh Rennasaise Fair! - Margaret Cho

Keychains and snowstorm, the taste of your sweat...

I have mentioned in a few posts recently about the snowstorm of last week. I took photos. The first is the back yard as I made my way to the car to clean it off.

I know, I know, there's not much snow there, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was the thick sheet of ice covering it...and everything else. The ice supported my weight as I walked across it.










Next, is Ag's car out front, still snowed/iced in.

Again, it doesn't look like much, but it was like solid, and difficult to break apart and clear away. I took several days for both of us to get our cars out onto the road again.











So, now you have some idea of what we were up against. Of course, then, Freddie just told me that his friend Gabby goes to school in upstate New York, and they've had snow so far exceeding 6 feet. And poor Gabby 4'11". So i guess I outta not complain too much.

POLT

"Shit", he said, without originiality but with great feeling. - The Center Cannot Hold

A kiss is just a kiss (Part 67)...

Frenching Fridays




POLT

The only permanance is change. - Moab'dib, Children Of Dune

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Response...

This, my friends, is THE best response I have heard to Tim Hardaway's homophobic comments.



Man, who KNEW Sulu had such a sense of humor?

Love it...LOVE it! Oh, and I agree with Takei, whole-heartedly.

POLT

Like the family dog of the same name, folks from Labrador are lovable, frisky, often wet, and loyal at all costs. - So, You Want To Be Canadian

But you, always came back...

Picture it: 1992. A young(er) Uncle Polt just graduated from college the year before, and was working fulltime at a drug store. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" had broken out the previous September, and grunge and alternative music were everywhere. Uncle Polt is overjoyed, as finally the music of the late 1980's (rap, crap, sap, and heavy metal) is being pushed off the radio by Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, etc. And this is music Uncle Polt can relate to and enjoy.

And then he hears this really weird song on the radio, but he loves it! He runs out and buys the CD and loves the whole thing! unfortunately, not many other people do, cause this was their only real hit. The song came and went in a matter of months. But it's always had a fond place in Uncle Polt's mind.

Fast forward 15 years. Whilst wasting his life crusing the Internet, Uncle Polt stumbles onto this on YouTube totally by accident. And screams like a teen girl when he finds it! I didn't even know they MADE a video of the song!

Ladies and gentlemen (and all of the rest of you too), I give you "Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe" by the Swedish band Whale. Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever. I'm just reliving the memories that come with the song.



POLT

If you're gonna wake up with a stranger (AND your boyfriend), it may as well be a cute, hung stranger! - Hunter, Not That Boy blog

Just wait- Or is too little too late? ...

As you know, last week around here we had an ice and snow storm. Started Tuesday, ended sometime Wednesday afternoon. Because of the ice I could not get my car out until Friday evening. Even so, from my off street parking, I have to travel down a short, but somewhat steep alleyway. There's a longer, less steep one I come up to reach the off street parking.

At any rate, over the weekend, I had to go down the alley, not in Drive but in 3, and I had to keep the brakes applied and just let gravity pull me down, hoping I didn't slide into the telephone pole at the bottom. Had to do this until Tuesday, actually, when it warmed up a bit and the sun came out and melted some of the ice and snow in the alleyway.

Wednesday, yesterday, when I left for work, one tire track was bare down to the alley itself, the other bare in patches. Near the bottom, it was almost entirely clear. And sometime, that morning, before I left, the town I lived in decided then to throw stones on the alley.

Bless them.

The stones did no good as the snow and ice were mostly gone 1 WEEK after the storm hit. And the amount of stones actually causes my car to skid a bit. Not as much as ice, but still a bit.

Ah, the infinite wisdom of small-town government.

POLT

I wish the Republicans had nominated Reagan again. In a casket. I'd rather have a dead ex-president than this joker we've got now. - Lewis Black

I feel the need to be naked with you (Part 46)...

Once more it's time for



So, kiddies, last week, Uncle Polt showed you the thick warm gloves he uses to keep his hands warm when out in the harsh winter elements. This week, I decided to got to another extremity (get your minds out of the gutter...no one wants to see THAT extremity!)



Those are, of course, my feet. My feet are always cold. Have been since I was a teenager. Even in the summer I usually have to wear socks around the house, except when it's really hot. In the colder months, socks don't do the job, so I have to turn to my trusty Totes Toasties. They're from Totes (obviously) and they are thicker than regular socks, and they keep my feet warm. Plus, as you can see on my left foot, the bottom of the Toasties has these anti-skid thingees that keep me from sliding on linoleum and such. they're just great! I love em!

If you wanna check out some other HNTers, click my HNT button in the sidebar.

POLT

I don't weigh too much. I'm still alive. - Homer, The Simpsons

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Fat bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round...

I read online today that a number of women are upset and outraged at Eddie Murhpy's new movie Norbit.



They are upset, apparently, cause Eddie Murphy plays several parts, including the part of a fat black women. These women who are upset say it is discriminatory, it demeans womens, mocks fat people and is even maybe racist.

Okay.

But as I recall, a few years ago, Eddie Murphy had another movie, which had at least one sequel, called the Nutty Professor, where he played a fat man who somehow became thin (I never saw the movie) to get the girl.



And in the Austin Powers movies, there was a character named, simply Fat Bastard. Had me laughing my ass off he did.



And Martin Short has his character Jiminy Glick, where he's an entertainment interviewer in a fat suit.



And in these three examples (I'm certain there are others, these are the just the ones off the top of my head), where were these "outraged" women then? Are not these three examples "discriminatory", "demeaning to men", "mocking fat people", and perhaps racist? Were they? If they were, why were these same women not complaining then? And if they're NOT, then why not? Why is it okay when a man is portrayed as fat, but NOT okay when a woman is portrayed as fat?

I think these women that are "outraged" over Norbit need to grow up a little, be little less thin-skinned (no pun intended) and stop taking life, the movies, and themselves so seriously.

POLT

His second wife thinks he's Satan. We've never made over the Lord Of Darkness before. - Ted, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet (Part 10)...

As always, these come from http://insidestephen.blogspot.com



And ya know, the boy's got some pretty thoughtful, deep, insightful posts too, not just his hot ass shaking on cam. You outta go check him out and read a few. I'm hooked.

POLT

Everyone split up! We won't win this one, but maybe we can make some interesting stains on the carpet. - Deadshot, Villains United #6

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

For no mere mortal can resist, the evil of the thriller...

This is just too freakin awesome!



It even looks like they may have the mom in there as well, I'm not sure. I laughed the whole way through. When they were done, I even, honest to God, applauded! Should I ever get married, I swear we're doing this at the reception or the wedding is OFF!

POLT

Can I get some Botox for my face so I don't look surprised when Bush blows up the world? - MadTV

I'm on your side, angel left wing...

True....so true....



I love Keith Olbermann. So smart. So funny. So dead-on on his commentaries. Why can't there be more than just one of him out there?

POLT

Am I the only one who feels lately - lately being defined as since September 2001 - the nation seems overrun by yahoos? - Leonard Pitts, July 29, 2005

Over hills and meadows we'd stray, just a boy and his dog...

It's a time honored, iconic image: Just a boy and his dog...



Oh, and the boy's hot ass too. Nothing like updating something traditional to the 21st century, is there?

POLT

ps
check out my new blogpoll over in the sidebar!

I'm sure they'll take a greater interest in you once you're dead. - Debbie Fritterer, The West Wing

You've got the Benz and the house boy ya paid...

So, after my post about a Personal Assistant (re: houseboy), i was cruising around the Internet Googling houseboys and such (why yes, i AM a dirty old man, thanks for noticing) when I came upon

this site: http://www.urbanphotography.co.uk/2_calendar.php.

Urban Photography's Housework Calendar is every girl's dream, and it's supporting Breast Cancer charities. 12 stunning guys, doing your housework, wearing only a smile. It's all tastefully done (no intimate bits shown), so you can leave the calendar up when the vicar comes round for tea.

Very nice, I must say. So, I give you Mr. February:



Now isn't this what we all want? A cute, shirtless guy to clean our tub. Mind you, were this MY tub, he might want to bring about 5 of his mates along, cause it might just take a 6 pack of guys to get my tub clean.

At any rate, enjoy. I'll try to have one for each month upcoming.

POLT

That's not fair! I demand my constipational rights! - Sheen, Jimmy Neutron

Man make sure that caskets closed...


Amen, brother, ain't it the truth?

POLT

I'm telling you nicely and only once. If you shoot and even one of these nice people is injured by a ricochet, I will give that gun a guided tour of your intestines. - Superman, Action Comics #814

Too much information for my mind (Part 30)...

As always, these come from http://tmituesday.blogspot.com

Would you rather...
1. be famous now & forgotten after you die or forgotten now & famous after you die, forever? & Why? Hmm, this one is making me think....I think I'd rather be famous now and forgotten when I'm dead, cause that way, i can enjoy my fame. If I'm not famous now, but famous forever after I die, well, hell, what's the point in being famous then?
2. give blood or read Hamlet? & Why? Oh read Hamlet, DEFINATLY. I love to read, I hate needles, it's a no brainer. Plus, Hamlet might actually be interesting, who knows?
3. be extravagantly rich, but hated by others or be well loved and admired, but dirt poor? & Why? Oooh, I like these questions! I want to say admired and poor, but honestly, I'd have to say rich and hated, cause if I got money, people will pretend they like me to leech some off of me. And whether people like me or not, if I've got money, I can get whatever I want. Money can't buy you friends, but it'll get you a better class of enemies. Money can't buy you love, but you can surely rent it for a little while. Money can't buy you happiness, but it'll make your unhappiness a bit more bearable. need I go on?
4. be imprisoned for the rest of your life or kill someone? & Why? Geez, that would depend on who I'd have to kill. I don't think I could kill someone I know, or rather someone I like. I don't think I could kill a kid. A random 40 year old guy in New Dehli, India, or Brisband Australia, or Kansas City, Kansas, or Brussels Belgium...yeah, one of those I could kill instead of being imprisoned. And why? Cause I could possibly have a good 30 years or so left in me, I don't wanna be spending all those being bars!
5. fight Mike Tyson or talk like him? & Why? Talk to him, cause it would be funny and I'd not get hurt. Fighting him would involve pain and would not be funny. (oops, I just noticed I misread the question....although I'd probably still choose talk LIKE him cause it would be painless and funny. ALTHOUGH, if there was a million dollar jackpot or something available after a fight with him, I might take that. I guarantee I'd go down in the first round...probably before any punches are even thrown!)
Bonus (as in optional): Who would you kill if you were guaranteed to get away with it? Oh I have a couple candidates, but I better not write it down....that way if something mysterious happens to them, well, then there's nothing written down!

POLT

Faith moves mountains. Irony takes the tunnel under them.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Reading the grafitti about slashed seat affairs...

Mama Polt was telling me this little ditty. It seems she went into a public restroom recently, and while she was sitting on the seat, she noticed a sign attached to the back of the door in front of her which read:

"Please do NOT flush diapers down the toilet!"

Below that, written in pen, was, "What kind of moron would do that?"
And below that, someone else had written, "Do women really do this?"
And below that, someone else yet again had written, "If they're stupid enough to do that, they shouldn't be reproducing."
And below that, someone else had written, "Amazing, isn't it, how many people take pens with them into public restrooms?"

And we both laughed.

POLT

Voting is like driving: You want to go forward, you select D, you want to go backwards, you choose R.

Week 83...

MONDAY'S HOT SHIRTLESS GUY PHOTOS

Thought I'd give us all a two-fer day...three photos, but 2 guys in each. Like buy one get one free.






















POLT

That sounds harder than Michael Jackson at a day care center! - MadTV

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Ya fur hat, cap, cap, ya link snap...

It's been so cold out recently, everyone outta have a nice warm faux fur cap to keep them warm. Something like that shown below.



Yeah, I know he aint got much else on, but really, if I wanna keep warm, I'll just use HIM to do so. No doubt he'd warm me ALL up...

POLT

Men are governed more by thier vices than thier virtues. - Napoleon

Let's get unconscious honey (Part 36)...

Just like every week, these come from http://subliminal.lunanina.com/,

I say ... and you think ... ?

Threshold :: Marriage
Jason :: Argonauts
Suspicion :: Murder
Tender :: Heart
Tempted :: Devil
Crimson :: Tide
Repulsive :: Ugly
Bulldog :: Flatface
Garage :: Car
Racket :: Tennis

POLT

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this 'Sex In The City' forty-something-slut-on-the-prowl fad? It's over. So how 'bout you hobble back to the bar and join the rest of the Stepford Wives, KAY? - Kendra Saunders, Hawkman #34

Saturday, February 17, 2007

My baby's got a secret (Part 9)...

Secret Saturdays






POLT

I don't want to ask the Vice President a question. I'm a Democrat. I wouldn't have voted for Reagan if I was old enough. Why would I want to talk to his lackey? - Lindsay, Freaks & Geeks

Friday, February 16, 2007

A kiss is just a kiss (Part 65)...

Frenching Fridays

























POLT

Frankly, for once, I would like to see you foaming at the mouth, stinking of piss in the gutter with this, your little thumb stuck up Justin Timberlake's ass and you wearing nothing but a Gucci belt! - Edina, Absolutely Fabulous

I will not forget the fear of sore...

Okay, he's the situation...

As most of you know, we got hit with a storm on Tuesday into Wednesday. About 4 inches of snow, but a solid icing on top of it, about a half in thick or so. Thick enough so that it supported my weigh when I walked on it. Because no one plowed out our small off street parking lot, my car's been stationary since Tuesday. I did clear all the ice and snow off of it, and I dug out around the tires to make sure I could move back and forth, but with a solid sheet of ice in front of me, I couldn't leave back there. I had to take two days off work, thinking at some point on Thursday, they'd get here to plow it open. Didn't happen. So I made arrangements with a co-worker to take me to work today.

As I was waiting for her to pick me up this morning, I watched a truck pull up and 5 little Hispanic guys got out with picks and shovels and started breaking up the ice on the front sidewalk. As I watched them I did two things: 1) hoped they would get around the cleaning off the parking lot in back and 2) noticed how cute they all were.

After work, when I was dropped off, I went to the back parking lot and saw they had plowed most of it, but there were still 4 or 5 inche humps of ice and snow around the cars that they hadn't gotten. I pulled my car up and over the one in front of me, sounding like I was ripping all the underthings off the under part of my car. Everything seemed okay, so I took the car around the block to test out the roads and to see if I could get back up the alleys to get to the parking lot. I got back find.

But I didn't want to just pull back over the hump. So I got out and got my shovel and tried to break up the ice and the hump and it wasn't easy. After 20 minutes, I figured that was enough, and i went to McDonalds for supper.

When i returned to the parking lot, I saw one tenant had pulled his car in and parked on one ofthe hump and Pat, the guy who lives on the second floor, was out and trying to break up the ice so he could move his fiance's car somewhere. So I stayed out and helped him. I used the sharp hoe like thing to break it up and he shoveled to move it away. We worked away and chatted away for about forty minutes. Then we had done enough.

I got my McDonalds stuff and came to my apartment. And now, three hours later, my neck, my back, my shoulders, my forearms, and my wrists are all throbbing and aching. And my throat is sore again with my nose running. Ugh.

For a fat, almost 40 year old guy with the activity level of a slug, it was a lot of work, and I'll be paying for it so MUCH tomorrow. *SIGH*

POLT

"You married?" "Occasionally. I'm always on the look out for a future ex-Mrs. Malcolm. - Dr. Malcolm, Jurrasic Park

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Same hair, revolution, unisex, evolution...

Disturbing video.



And the one girl says, "Public schools only show one side of the story." What about these decievers and charlatans? How are they showing both sides. And especially telling this to you impressionable children without the mental capabilities to hear both sides and think them through with cognitive logical thought...it's criminal.

POLT

We don't need you to move to Canada. We need people from Canada to move here! Please, Canadians: Move to the U.S. For God's sake, help us! - Al Franken

I feel the need to be naked with you (Part 45)...

Yes, once more, despite the snow/ice storm we had this week, it's time for...



So, as I mentioned, a snow/ice storm hit us, starting Tuesday afternoon. It continued through Wednesday morning. Around here, we only got like 3-4 inches of snow, I think. but we got a healthy dose of ice on top of it. Such an amount that as I was cleaning off my car, I did not break through the ice crust, it supported my wieght. And as you can probably tell from some photos, I am not of the petite nature. It freaked me out a bit. But that's also why it took so long to clear off the car. I had to break through the ice jsut to get the car door open so I could start it and get the defrosters going. Was out there about a half hour doing so. And I walked to Rutters to get lunch, and it was ordeal just walking two blocks to the store: unplowed sidestreets, icy unshoveled sidewalks, icy shoveled sidewalks, yeah it was fun.

Anyway, I have this pair of thick gloves that I LOVE cause they always keep my hands warm. however, today, I used my hands so much to break up the ice on the car, the gloves got soaking wet...and they soaked all the way through to my fingers. that was uncomfortable. But once they dry out, they'll keep my digits toasty warm.

Anyways, here they are, my gloves! And with my toasty warm hands and fingers inside.



If you want to see some other HNT photos, click the HNT button in my sidebar. And everyone, stay warm (unless you're in Florida, in which case that's a given, I suppose) and HAPPY HNT!

POLT

Mister Hammock, say hello to Madam Ass! - Homer, The Simpsons

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Matter of fact, I be on a manhunt...

Recently, somewhere in the world the 2007 Manhunt Interntional...contest? pagent?...whatever was held. Here is a group photo.




In order to keep you all informed on the most pressing issues of our day, I'll give you a sampling of the contestants, a truly international bunch.

Mr. Angola


















Mr. Austria


















Mr. Bulgaria


















Mr. Canada


















Mr. Colombia



















Mr. Costa Rica



















Mr. France


















Mr. Ghana



















Mr. Greece


















Mr. Malta



















Mr. Mexico



















Mr. Netherlands



















Mr. Panama
















Mr. Philippines



















Mr. Singapore



















Mr. Sweden



















Mr. USA



















Mr. Vietnam


















I don't have any idea what the responsiblities and duties of the winner was, who the winner was, what the qualifications are, or why there is a 2007 Manuhunt International in the first place. I suppose I could ahve found that out on thier webpage...but I was thinking of all of you and gathering these photos. You know how dedicated I am. And in the end, do you really need to know the answers to all those questions to enjoy the photos? And isn't that really the only reason to care about the 2007 Manhunt International, the photos?

POLT

There's no cave deep enough for America, or dark enough to hide. - George W. Bush