Believing it yet, everybody sad and depressed...

Recently, Olivia over at Puntabulous posted her Stages Of Sadness. Honestly, it had me laughing my fat white hairy ass off. But then, when the laughter died down, i got to thinking, what do I do when i get sad? I mean, I know how I feel, everyone knows how it feels to be sad and depressed, and we mope around and just, well, feel sad and depressed. But I thought I'd post about what I do to get myself OUT of the sadness and depression, once I'm in it. To that end, I give you...

Polt's Means Of Relieving His Sadness And Depression!

1.Hiding until it feels better


Firstly, the natural thing for me to do is to try to get out of the funk the easiest way possible (cause when I'm sad and depressed I certainly don't feel like DOING anything). So i turn off my phone, pull the shades down, then crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, curl into the fetal position and just wait for it to feel better. or for my legs to go numb and boredom to set in. That tells me it's time to try something else.

2. Masturbating to Internet Porn


It might not relieve the sadness and depression, but it is a good distraction, feels good, and keeps me busy...for like 5 minutes.

3. Eating things bad for me


I know it won't make me feel better, but it gives me something to do while I'm thinking of another way to make me feel better.

4. Watching some TV


Even though there's usually nothing on, I'll flip through the channels until I find something I can watch. And for a short while, I'm distracted again. But this invariably leads to...

5. Falling asleep while watching TV


Yeah, it's a bitch growing old and doing this. And while I'm sleeping, I'm not sad or depressed. But when i wake up from the nap, it's all still there. So, I move on to...

6. Masturbating to porn DVD


And that's good, as I mentioned, but short lived. So about 5 minutes later, I move on to...

7. Booze


Hanging out with my buddies Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, and LaBatts Blue. Unfortunately, they're not always "in the house", so then I gotta meet up with my Jamacian buddy, Bacardi. After..interacting with them for a bit, it usually leads to...

8. Dancing


I'll put in the earbuds, turn on the iPod, and just get down and jiggy with my bad self. Whoo-hoo! Luckily, I'm usually alone when this happens and thus sparing myself the embarrassment of having someone else watch and sparing anyone else the awkwardness of watching. Humorous though it may be. Still riding the Bacardi buzz, I move swiftly onto...

9. Anonymous sex with strangers


Nuff said, eh?

Immediately following this is...

10. Guilt


Yeah, hits during the cleanup phase. Sweaty from the dancing and the sex, riding the buzz wave of alcohol, and disgusted with myself, I decide usually to try a new tack...

11. Taking a relaxing shower


This does wash away the sweat, grime, and...any lingering sex remains, but doesn't really help with the sadness and depression. So I return to the tried and true...

12. Masturbating to a porn mag


This helps...for all of five minutes. Then, I need to move onto something else. But I still feel like reading (after all I only buy the magazines for the articles!), so I move to...

13. A little heavy reading


Very informative, and I'm a bit surprised there's some things even I have never done...not to mention the things I have never even heard of before. It's not a satisfying read, so I move onto to something else...

14. Comic Books


I've been collecting them since 1977, and I can pass some time reading them and getting re-involved in thier storylines and all. But when I'm done reading, I'm usually still sad. And the fact the comic books didn't improve things is depressing, so I must move on...

15. Eating more things bad for me


Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia....few things in life will cheer you up faster than that. And while i'm eating it, I do feel better. But of course, when I'm done, I realize I've scarfed down a whole pint of the stuff, and then I feel fat, and that adds another layer of depression onto whatever else I was feeling. So, feeling even more down, I move onto...

16. Writing bad poetry


I have to express my feelings somehow so I write them down prosaically. And I HATE poetry. Hate reading it, hate writing it. After reading what I wrote, I generally hate it even more. Realizing that my head is full of hatred and negative thoughts, I ususally move on to..

17. Trying to think happy thoughts


Having all those happy thoughts in my head, along with the sadness, depression and hatred, fills me with conflictions. I don't know which way I'm feeling, and what I'm thinking and what I should do. So it's time to get some help by...

18. Whining to Ag


All those emotions and thoughts need release somehow, right? So I just unleash them all on my faghag Ag. And being such an understand friend, she always listens intently and with undivided attention and great interest. It helps, a lot, but I still feel a little low, so I go on to another remedy...

19. Talking to Freddie


We talk on the phone and he alleviates whatever negative feelings I have remaining. Having an understanding and sweet (not to mention cute and sexy) boyfriend will do that for you. Once we hang up, even though I am no longer sad or depressed, once more I turn to...

20. Masturbating to Internet porn


Hey, there's a LOT of porn out there, and I've only seen a fraction of it! So much porn, so little time.

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