Been caught again, telling tales about your special friend...

Toying with the minds of young children used to be so much fun. Like previously Little Katie (aged 3) would ask me why she couldn’t take a picture with my camera, and I said the camera was tired from all the picture taking it had done already. And she was fine with that. Or Abby (age 5) would ask me how I knew it was going to rain, and I told her because I have a rain detector in the back of my head and when rain gets close it starts making this beeping noise. And she even tried to listen at the back of my head for the beeping.

BUT, not anymore, oh no!

Last night, Abby asked me if I had any kids. I told her I did. She asked how many, I told her I had 16. Normally, that would have been it. But last night I had to explain that there were boys and girls, and I didn’t know all their names because there was too many of them. I couldn’t bring them over the next time I stopped by because they didn’t live with me. They were in jail. They were in jail for taking off their clothes (which is something Katie was doing, so I was trying to make a moral out of the whole thing, but that only got her too involved in the questioning). And I didn’t know how long they were going to be in jail, and I didn’t know which jail they were at, although I did know they were not at the same jail. And I didn’t remember all their ages. And periodically throughout the night, just when I thought maybe she had forgotten all about it, she’d ask another question about them. And dammit, I KNOW she’s gonna remember this, so know everytime I go over there, I’m probably gonna get questions about my 16 kids. And I can’t admit the truth, cause that would destroy her trust in me for lying to her about so much.

Also, I had my phone out and Katie wanted to see it. I told her it wasn’t my phone. She asked what it was, I said my communicator. She asked what that was, and I told her I can flip it up and call for Scotty to beam me up. And I did just that. And she looked at me all innocent like and asked “Where’s Scotty?”

I could have stopped it right there. I should have stopped it right there. Oh, but know, I had to keep going on, cause it’s fun to screw with their impressionable little minds. Or it used to be.

Anyway, I told her Scotty was in orbit on the Starship Enterprise. When she looked at me all confused, I told her was up in the sky, in a ship. After a few more seconds, she asked how he got there. I told her he beamed up, with a communicator like mine. I could see she was going to ask more, so I thought I try to overload her with info and said, “See when he beams someone up he takes their bodies and turns them into little particles of energy which he then turns into a beam of energy and shoots it up to his ship in the sky where he reassembled the particles back into you.” A pause or two followed, when she said, “Oh, yeah.”

I thought they might be it, except Abby overheard and then I had to answer how he got down through the clouds. Knowing the technobabble explanation wasn’t working I said, “he comes down in a shuttle.” Confused look. “A space shuttle” I tried to clarify. More confused look, “A plane. A big plane.”

Abby nodded and then asked, “So do you know when you’re kids are going to get out of jail.”

I hope I’ve now learned my lesson...but I doubt it.

POLT Listening to "In Too Deep" by Sun 41

Making someone gay is exhausting. I don't know how my mother did it! - Jack, Will & Grace