Snakes causing the fate, sadistic and free...

Freddie called me this evening. We chatted for a bit. Then he told me he got something and made me guess...which is never a good proposition. then he told me: he got a snake. After a few joking comments about his 'trouser snake' we turned to the matter at hand.

A snake.

*SIGH* He got a snake. A corn snake, which means nothing to me. So when i got online, I googled it, and this is what I got:



I have no idea if that's what his snake looks like or not, but that's a corn snake. Freddie now owns a snake.

A snake?

So I asked him how big it was (again causing some jokes about the comparisons with his 'trouser snake'), and he said about a foot long. I asked if it was a boy or a girl. he said it was too small to know yet (I presume the snake knows what gender it is, I took to mean that's it too young for Freddie to tell what gender it is yet). I asked what he named it, he said it didn't have a name yet. I suggest Annie Conda, cause that would show that even though it's a little snake, it has nig snake attitude. I got silence on the other end of the phone. Then I suggested since it's a corn snake he could name is Maize. If its a girl, he can call it Maizey. I dont think he was to warm to that idea either. But that's what I'm calling it. No matter he names it, it'll always be Maizey to me.

I asked if it was a constrictor or a biter. he said he didn't know. HE DIDN'T KNOW!?!?!?! I would think that's something you'd really wanna find out before you buy it, whether it's gonna bite you or try to strangle you. he told me it wasn't poisonious. Like that makes a differnce. I told him dogs aren't poisonious either, but I'm gonna get one that's prone to biting! (the dog anaolgy kinda doens't work, though, cause I'm not aware of any dog that would try strangle you. Maybe Dawg The Bounty Hunter.....but I digress...)

I asked what it eats, and he said mice. I told him I couldn't do that, that would be too harsh for me. Then he tells me the mice are dead. They're frozen. I was dumbstruck. I know you can't feed a snake a cold dead creature. Then he tells me you have to put the mouse in hot water and then feed it to the snake. Pffft, yeah right! Like I'm gonna boil a dead frozen mouse just so my snake can eat it!!! Bad enough it's dead and then frozen, but now you're gonna BOIL it??? Isn't that carcus desecration or something???

And then I FIRMLY told him, there with be NO snake, corn or otherwise, at MY apartment, even if it IS named Maizey. He can just leave in Ag's apartment on the second floor on his way up. (heheh, I can hear her screaming now even as she reads this. Or was that thump the sound of her hitting the floor, fainted?)

A snake. *SIGH* can't really play fetch with a snake can ya? Or teach it tricks? Or teach it to repeat words? Or use a laserpointer to play withit? Or take it for walks? Or watch it run around in a little wheel? Hmm, wonder what it's good for. Watching it constrict around, or just bite as the case may be, a frozen, dead, boiled rat, I suppose. But hey, it's his pet, not mine. If it makes him happy, that's all that matters.

But I'm telling you right now, if we move in together, I'm still getting my dog, Emmitt, and he can get his bird, but there will be NO snake living under roof....even if it is adorably named Maizey.

POLT

Listening to "Die Another Day" by Madonna