Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful...

My dad has cancer. I know I mentioned that before. He's been fighting lung cancer all summer, with radiation and chemo. He's been in the hospital for pneumonia, for severe dehydration, and for having a blood sugar level over 400 during that time. He's gotten weaker and weaker, so that now, he can't move around without a walker, not that he wants to really go anywhere.

Last week, we got the results of an MRI they took. He has cancer spots in his brain and on his liver. The doctor says they're still going to be fighting the tumor in this lung, as that's a tumor and the other stuff is just 'spots'. My totally unprofessional opinion, though, is that once cancer reaches the brain and liver, it's just a matter of time.

They released him, mom had gotten a hospital bed, and he's staying downstairs. She took off work, using all the sick leave and then her vacation, so she can be there. He's not allowed to be home alone. When all that time is used up, she'll just retire. She's been eligible to retire since last March, and she was gonna retire next April or so anyway, so it's not that large of a change in plans.

I've withdrawn from the every other weekly role-playing group I've been in since 1992 or so. This November will be the last time I'm the judge of elections for my voting precinct, I've been doing that since 1989 or so. I just think it's better not to have these commitments when he could, realistically, fall more ill and die at any time in the near future. Plus, I want to be available weekends to sit with dad if Mom needs to get away for a bit: church, shopping, eating out with her sister, mother, or friends, etc.

I'm not posting all this to elict sympathy or well wishes, I know all of my regular readers will give that without hesitation. I'm posting it here, so that, if the blog gets less....fun. Or if there's less posts, you'll understand the possible reason why. I didn't want to mention this, cause i try to keep the blog funny and humorous, but lately, I've not really been feeling that way.

How am I handling this? I don't know. For dad, I just hope whatever is to come comes quickly and as painlessly as possible. I no longer think he'll get better (although miracles DO happen), I think we're just waiting for him to go further downhill and then die. It's only a matter of how soon. But as i said, I don't want him to be still lingering on this time next year, being the same way he is now, or worse. Does that sound callous, I want my father to die? I don't mean to sound callous, I just know he doesn't enjoy being this way. All his former loves: the garden, watching tv, baseball, going to auctions, reading the paper, they are almost all denied him now. he has no energy to do much of ANYTHING, and that's not the way he's want to be.

I'm worried for mom. Now, she's got to do whatever she normally would, plus whatever dad would normally do, plus take care of him. And with all this stress, she's got to be weary. Mama Polt is a ROCK. She is the pillar of strength for my whole family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, etc. But you just know this is killing her inside. but she doesn't want to talk about it, or complain or anything. that's not the way our family works. If something wrong, you do what you need to do to fix, you don't 'belly-ache' about it. Talking and complaining don't get the work done, ya know? So I've got to keep an eye on her too.

Anyway, I'll end this with two humorous things. My parents heat with a wood stove, and before they use it each fall they have to clean the small chimney and the stove pipe. Well in previous years, dad would get on the roof, mom would get down at hte chimney base in the backyard, and they pull this wire brush up and down with a strong rope, knocking loose the accumulated gunk on the inside.

Obviously, dad can't do ANY of this year, mom asked me. I said, sure, but I'm afraid of heights, and can't get that close to the edge of the house. I tried to find someone to help me, I asked four friends, and they all too did NOT do well with heights (who I had so many wussies friends?) SO my plan was to call one of my uncles or cousins and have them come down and do it.

This afternoon, when I was over there, mom said we were gonna do it today. I told her I'd go on the roof, she argued with me, saying I was afraid of heights and she could do it. I insisted I was going onto the roof. We got to the window. Mom put it up and put the brush and the rope onto the roof. She said she needed to tie them together. I went to pee while she did that. I came back, and dontcha know it, Mom's out on the roof, right over by the chimney, stuffing the brush and attached rope down it.

I yelled at her. She said she was already here, she needed me downstairs to do my part. Sneaky lil bitch tricked me. When i got down at the base and started pulling the rope down, I told her I was gonna kick her ass when she got off the roof. She just laughed. then we proceeded to pull the brush up and down about 6 times to get all the gunk off. I didn't kick her ass, but I DID yell at her once she got inside. She just waved me away, and put the brush and rope back in the bag and started down the stairs, leaving me there yelling. Until I stopped. *SIGH*....I get my stubbornness honestly, dont I?

Second thing is, they have a little poodle Angel, I've posted about her before. She's NOT a lap dog. She'll get on your lap if she wants to. But she never stays long. Well, since dad's gotten home, he spends most of his time in bed, because he has no energy. Angel, she lays with him. At his feet, beside him on the bed, etc. She gets up when people come in, but then she jumps back up. Today, when i got over, the home care nurse was there for a visit. She had to listen to his lungs, check his heart, take some blood. Angel, ever the gentlest of dogs, kept getting between her and dad. Mom eventually had to take her into another room and shut the door. She just didn't want this strange woman poking around dad. We all kinda laughed at it.

here's a photo of Angel on dad, situated between him and mom.


Anyway, as things change I'll post about them.

POLT Oil: 86.36 (+2.59); Gas: 2.70 (-.01)

Listening to "Frozen" by Madonna