Built by my grandfather's hand....

At the baptism yesterday, I actually got emotional. Not over the baptism itself, though. I wasn't going to post this, as it's not funny, and a bit personal, but hell, if I can't trust you, my faithful readers to understand then who CAN I trust?

Anyway, we were sitting in church, prior to the service starting, and they were talking about Cam, and how he's started gripping things. his grandfather, MY uncle, said he was out looking for a baseball bat for him, but all he could find was a small golf club. And Cam may take up golf later on, but he wants him starting out with a real sport. And that caused a chuckle amongst us.

And then my grandmother, who was sitting beside me, said, "That sounds like pap." My grandfather, her husband, who passed away in 1998. I was born on a Satruday at 200 pm. She and pap and my mom's sister and brothers all came to the hospital when dad called them, and they checked on me, mom and dad too. And then, Pap left.

Gram said he went to a local store before it closed and bought me the smalled sized baseball bat and glove he could find. She said he brought them back to the hospital and put them in mom's room so everytime I was in to nurse, I'd see them.

Pap was a huge Boston Red Sox fan, and always into baseball. He coached both his sons in Little League and stuff, and was the team "dad" if you know what I mean. He made trips several times a year to Baltimore to watch the Orioles play. He even coached one of his grandons (not me) in Little League also.

And me, his first grandchild, whom he bought the glove and bat for, well, other than being forced to do it in gym class, I might have picked up a baseball bat ten times in my life. I jsut dont like baseball, never have.

I never knew Pap bought me that stuff. I never heard that story before. I don't recall ever owning a bat or a glove. And I certainly never played in Little League or anything similiar.

And that's why I got somewhat emotional. It touched me that Pap would run out, leave the hospital to make to a store to get them. And then, I never used them. i wondered, did I disappoint him? I mean, he never expressed disappointment and I know he loved me. But now I just wonder if I disappointed him. And, as I said I thought it very sweet that he got that stuff for me.

Okay, now look, I don't beleive in ghosts or anything, I turly dont. but then, right there in that church that I've only ever been in once before for my cousin's wedding, I felt something. I don't know how to describe it other than to say a...presence. I mean it wasn't anything physical, but it felt like someone was patting me on the back, mayeb putting thier arm around me and telling me it's okay, it's alright. I felt comforted and safe, and content. Almost like Pap was there. I have no better way to describe it. maybe I imagined it all. But it was then that I got all emotional. And my eyes welled up with tears, but I didn't cry or anything. Didn't want it to seem like I was crying over a baptism.

It was freakish, and maybe I imagined everything.

But I hope not. Seriously.

POLT = listening to "Hey Man, Nice Shot" by Filter

I used to be the future President of the United States. - AL Gore