What is a wasp without her sting...

So, after having been off three days, and knowing that I'm the only one from my department at work on Saturdays, I know I had to go to work this morning. Luckily, I was feeling better than i had earlier in the week. Still not much appetite, and what I ate was tasteless, but I managed to get there, and have a busy, but not bad, day.

But in the morning, I actually managed to get up with the alarm, at 6:00am. Course, with all the sleeping I've been doing the last three days, I guess that's not a surprise.

SO there I am, in the shower, still dark outside, and feeling proud of myself for actually being up that early, but at the same time anxious about the work that's piled up. I turn off the water, open the curtain, reach for my towel, and what do I see? A wasp!!! A BIG wasp!! The photo below is like life-size!



Okay, well maybe I'm a bit melodramatic, but it was HUGE! And I HATE wasps. It's flying along, bouncing into and off of the walls, and I figure getting pretty pissed off cause it's not getting anywhere. Which is just what I need, a HUGE pissed off wasp in the same room as the totally naked and still dripping wet me.

I normally get a lot of spiders in my bathroom (as you do), and I have on the floor by the door and old sneaker that I've nicknamed My Spider Killing Shoe. I figured it would do just as well against a wasp. If only the damn thing would actually LAND on the wall.

I pulled the curtain back and quickly dried off. Then opened it again, and the wasp was on the wall opposite. This was my chance! I stepped out of the shower and reached down to get the shoe....at the exact moment that the wasp launched itself off the wall and at me. i ripped the door open and jumped into my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

It was instinctive. It was only after I was there that I realized how stupid an action it was. Now, I had no idea where the wasp was, he could be anywhere in the bathroom, and if I opened the door, he could fly out into the bedroom, which would be really bad cause then he could get lost in the apartment (hey, I've lost bigger things than a wasp in my apartment, so I know it could happen. I'm still looking for that errant Netflix DVD). But what could I do?

I opened the door and saw him opposite around the window. Which is probably how he got in, as the screen is old and not tightly fitted anymore. But I quickly got back in and shut the door. Then I knelt down and picked up the shoe...just as the wasp made another bombing run towards me. I dropped down to my knees and bent over even further cause it was flying righ above me, bouncing off the door. thankfully, it did not decided to bounce on DOWN the door onto Uncle Polt, but instead, go land near the mirror. And this was my chance. I walked cautiously over, telepathically telling the wasp to NOT move, there was NO danger, dont' be afraid and fly away or attack the big naked fat man with the shoe above his head (hey it might not work, but I'm gonna think it anyway, what can it hurt?) And then I smacked it with the shoe.

yanking the show back, I didn't see it....but I felt it. On my foot! It was flittering around, obviously stunned. I stamped my foot, and it flittered off toward the trash can...allowing me to smack it again into the floor. Pulling the show back, I saw it crawling slowly across the floor. And I swore, cause this damn thing's harder to kill that a mutant cockroach! But one more slam did the trick, it was smushed and moved no more.

Look, I know wasps are God's creatures too, and like spiders, I think they have every right to live thier little wasp lives doing whatever thier little wasp hearts desire. BUT once they get into my bathroom, all bets are freaking off, and they're gonna get splattered. That's just the way of the world.

POLT

Just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you HAVE to do porn. - Kumar, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle