He was holding his head, and it was huge and shaped like a fish...

I have a HUGE head.


I mean my cranium, my skull, the head that sits on my neck above my shoulders. Not, unfortunately, a part of...Lil Polt. (not that I've had any complaints about him...but I digress...)

It's not a huge misshapen thing, or anything. I mean it's not out of proportion to the rest of my body, cause my body as a whole is pretty big too. But, I'm just sayin I got a huge head.

This normally doesn't even occur to me, except when it comes to hats. Or when I try to shove my head through the narrow opening of the occasional t-shirt. But, all those guys out there that wear baseball caps everywhere they go...no, not me. Uncle Polt is not one of them. I DO have a cap, one I bought in Toronto, which has Church Street (the gay ghetto there) on it. Which is pretty cool. But any regular cap, nope forget it, too small.

Where I work, they offer us caps if we want them. They have the business emblem on them. I have one, bought one when they were offered. Never wore it. Why? Cause I had a huge head.

Back when I was a senior in high school, me and two friends, instead of going on the class trip to Virginia Beach decided that the three of us would go to Ocean City MD. Alone. Three hip, cool, young men in their prime alone in a party town. Prior to going we bought things to wear. They bought Oakley sunglasses like Tom Cruise wore in Risky Business. I couldn't because, 1) I wore prescription glasses and had no contacts and 2) because I have a HUGE head and it's difficult sometimes to find sunglasses that fit my head properly. Good thing I wear the prescription glasses then, eh? Gives me an excuse.

Also, on this trip, we decided we'd be even cooler and be like Miami Vice (which was big then), and we'd all get this white Homburg type hat with a tropical type cloth around it (yeah, it wasn't much cooler than it sounds). One of us had seen somebody wearing it on Miami Vice and we all thought it was cool. So we found them. They both got one to wear. Did I get one? Well of course. Did it fit? It fit quite well handing from the top of the mirror in the room, but it didn't fit my head because I have a HUGE head.

I suppose I shouldn't be too upset. If it were a normal head, when people would see me, they'd see an tennis ball sitting atop a watermelon. How freakish would that look? At least my huge-headed freakiness fits right in with the freakiness of the rest of my body.

And surely, a head that big must contain a proportionately huge brain inside. Not, of course, that that means I actually USE the bigger brain...but I digress...

So, yeah, Uncle Polt has a HUGE head. Just do me a favor? When we meet, and you see me for the first time, please do not stop, get a shocked look on your face and exclaim, "Great Caesar's Fedora, you have a HUGE head!"

I hate when that happens.

POLT Listening to "Acetone" by The Chemical Brothers

The bad guy gets all the good lines. - Nightrider