Undress me, will I look like a fool (Part 199)...

Once more it's time for...


And once more, Os has given us a theme: Our favorite HNT of the year. What I've done in the past is just taken the HNT I posted that got the most comments and made that my favorite. And I'm doing so this year again. And this year's comes from back in the summer when I was doing a "Polt's Undies" series on HNT. This one got 15 comments, more than any other HNT of the year...which is, frankly, rather upsetting.


I mean, of ALL the HNT's I posted, the one with me wearing ratty, holey, old underwear is the one that gets the most comments??? Does that seem wrong to anyone else as well? I'm not sure if it's indicitive me needing better HNT posting, better commenters, or more old, falling apart underwear?

Everyone have a safe and fun New Year's celebration tonight! And to see what others put up as their favorites, click http://osbasso.blogspot.com/

POLT Listening to "Bad Romance" by Lady Ga-Ga

When a man's part goes hard, his brain goes soft. - Moll Flanders

Touche ole, my opening line might be a bit...

This is something I saw a few years ago, and I've done it ever since here at the Palace. To get a feeling for the past year, you're supposed to take the first line from the first post of each month and list all twelve here. And away we go:

January 2009: Each year, I look back over it and reflect.
February 2009: This, my friends, was THE best thing about the Super Bowl this year, other than seeing that built hottie who was helping the Steelers kicker practice his kicks on the sideline near the end of the game.
March 2009: Well, my Lent resolution has stood for one day.
April 2009: Today, I forgot my cellphone and went to work without it.
May 2009: So, you may have heard somewhere I went on vacation.
June 2009: Well I've come to a decision, and frankly, it scares the shit out of me.
July 2009: And now, to balance the karma of all the shameful, dirty, nasty things that I put here in the Palace, I give you the following: ANGEL! (try not to overdose on cuteness).
August 2009: One night this week, when I pulled into my parking space in the back yard, I interrupted a coterie of squirrels in the backyard.
September 2009: Well, kiddies, if you haven't been reading lately, you may not know, but Monday, I went to settlement on a house.
October 2009: Now that the move is over, the apartment’s had the final walkthrough and I’m officially in MY house, I want to offer up some thanks.
November 2009: Today is obviously a Sunday, which means no work.
December 2009: When I bought the house, there was a tree in the backyard I didn't like.

POLT Listening to "Animal" by the Bloodhound Gang

Where else can a 40 year old act like a 17 year old raving maniac but in the music business?

An utterance, information, don't mince words (Part 167)...

TMI Tuesdays

These come each week from http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/

1. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2009? Oh, about a 7 I'd think.
2. What are your favorite/naughtiest/sexiest/most fun 2009 memories? Hmm, I think all of those moments can be summed up in one word: Toronto.
3. What’s the one thing you thought you would never do, but did in 2009? Get to actually met, in person, Craig from Puntabulous, at the Puntabumeeting in October.
4. What do you want to change in 2010? Well, I'd like to continue to lose weight, so that's a change.
5. What is your all-time favorite gift (whether given or received by you)? The DVD I made my mom for her 65th birthday. It was made up of over 50 people she knew wishing her a happy birthday. I went around and got them all over the span of two months and then put them all into an 8 minute video and gave that to her. She was shocked, and laughed throughout it, and then cried at the end.
Bonus (as in optional): On special holidays- like birthdays, anniversaries, ringing in the New Year -are you more inclined to do a sex act that you wouldn't "normally" do? (things like fellatio/cunnilingus, anal sex, strap-ons/toys, videoing yourself/pictures, menage-a-trois/quatres, etc.) Um, no. On special holidays, I've rarely been with someone that I've been dating so I dont get the opportunity. But I want to do something different sexually, I don't need a special occasion to do it. And frankly, I'm not sure I'd want to anyway. If whatever it was didn't work out well, or went badly, then that special occasion might be tainted for me from then on.

POLT Listening to "Girlfriend Is Better" by The Talking Heads

"What do you want to do?" "Hang him by his thumbs and beat him with a pogo stick." - Josh Lyman, The West Wing

You make my day every time, telephone...

My day.

I set the alarm for 8:00 and when it went off, I turned it off, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

About 10:30, I got up. I piddled around on the computer for a bit, then showered and called mom. I needed to go out and get somethings, and wanted to know if she wanted to accompany me, which she did. So I picked her up and we went to Wal-Mart (don't judge). We stopped by Lowe's to pick up something, and then off ot Hagerstown. We went to Sam's to get a few things, and then ate at El Ranchero. I think my tongue is still burning from the salsa, love it! We went to a grocery store to get a few things, and then off to a fabrics store for her. And then home.

Oh, I forgot, I finally remembered today to take Angel's Christmas gift over to her. I got her a blue and white, what I call a Dallas Cowboy, stuffed football toy with a sweakie inside. I showed it to her and she dropped the toy she was carrying. I threw it and she got and then shook it violently from side to side three different times. I told mom when she got home, Angel probably will have torn it apart already. After she got home, mom called me to say Angel had been carrying the football with her whereever she goes. She took it to mom once, but when mom tried to get it to throw it, Angel yanked it away and jumped up the couch with it. She laid her head on it. Mom got a picture cause it was so cute. And Angel still won't let mom come near it.

Anyway, after this, I knew Johnnie was coming down. He had called me last week to say he was back home from Philly for the holidays, and today was when he was coming down. So I gave him directions and then I cleaned the toilet and sink (it was time) and tidied up the living room some. Johnnie got here without problem. We hugged at the door, and then I gave him a grand tour of Casa De Polt. Then we sat in the living room and talked. We had a long debate over politics, as per usual. And we talked about football some. Then he was hungry so we walked up to Waynesburger and ate there, having a great meal, of course. Upon returning home, he mentioned playing "Road To The White House" by absolute favorite game. He's pretty good at it too. Ten years ago or so, he'd come to my apartment three times a month or so, and we'd play the game every time, sometimes more than once a night. Well this time, I, as the governor of Texas, beat him, as a Congressman from Massachusetts, which if you don't play the game, means nothing to you. After that, we returned to the living room and talked some more and watched ESPN pre-football game show. And then he decided to leave right before the game started. I'm glad he stopped by. I miss Johnnie. With him in grad school in Philly, I only get to see him like once a year now. But I'm very glad we still keep in touch. He's a great kid. (kid...hell, he's 27, not much of a kid anymore. But he'll always be My Little Johnnie, and I'll always be Uncle Polt).

And then following that, I'm just sitting here, farting around online and watching the football game. And I gotta go back to work tomorrow, even if it is a short, light week. So I probably won't be up late. Still, all in all, a really really fun day!

POLT Listening to the Vikings-Bears football game

We're your worst nightmare, you know. Vengeful mutants on drugs. - Kid Omega, New X-Men #136

You're wantin' my body, I don't mind (Part 232)...

MONDAY'S HOT SHIRTLESS GUY PHOTOS

This week's theme: Hot Shirtless Guys With Facial Hair.






POLT Listening to "Only You" by Yaz

We met at Starbucks. Not the same Starbucks, but two Starbucks across the street from each other. - Meg, Best In Show

Let's get unconscious, honey (Part 189)...

Unconscious Mutterings

These come from http://subliminal.lunanina.com/

I say ... and you think ... ?

Classified :: Ads
Praised :: Glory
Censored :: Puntabuschlong
2010 :: New year
Lamp :: Genie
Alternate :: Universe
Script :: Handwritten
Handsome :: Attractive
Eager :: Beaver
Meeting :: Room

POLT Listening to the Panthers-Giants football game

Vegetarians can eat pepperoni, can't they? - Polt

No place like home for the holidays....

Today, of course, I went to Mama Polt's. Grandmama Polt was there as well. Mom and I exchanged gifts. I got her a gift certificate to Lowe's (which she said she'd probably just spend on junk for my house), a three CD set of Christmas Music, and a gift certificate to a local spa. After all the work she did down at my hosue this year, I thought it only right that I give her something to help her relax.

She got me this:


She bought the fleece and then sewed on the border herself. And she got it long enough and wide enough to cover me when I'm laying on the couch. She also got me these:


Those are locally made caramels in the little box. And that's this year's Star Trek ornament, which she gets me every year. I do love Border's gift certificates and coupons! And you just can't go wrong with....Mixed Nuts. She also got me a large, foldable ladder, that I couldn't bring with me today because I was walking. But it will make it's way down here soon. And I forgot to get a photo of it, but it's a ladder, so do you really need a photo?

Soon after the opening of the gifts, it was time for the Mama Polt cooked Christmas meal. This was her getting the turkey out of the cooker.


And this is the final spread on the table right before we dug in. Yummy!


And this, well this is that little begger that lives at Mom's, sitting next to me looking all innocent and sweet as pie and sugary rainbow like, and trying to con me out of a piece of turkey by whining occasionally.


And you know what? It worked. Totally.

Following the meal the three of us sat around and talked and listened to Christmas music and played with Angel for about three hours before I packed thing up and left, loaded up with gifts and full tummy. Just the way one always likes to leave one's mother's house.

POLT Listening to "Christmas Vacation" on TV

Too many midnight snacks not only leads to an empty refrigerator, but also to buttocks the size of Texas. - Opus, The Penguin

Macaroni and cheese, and santa put gifts under christmas trees...

So, I know there's one question that's on everyone's minds: "Uncle Polt, what did you get for Christmas?" Wait no more, because I'm here to answer that.

First of all, back in autumn, I took part in Josh's Blogger Exchange Bloggey Gift thing, wherein all participants gave their infomation to Josh, who (with Enrico's help) picked names for each us of to buy a gift for. Sometime last week, I got a gift in the mail. I saw it was from my buddy Dave S. and laughed to myself over the irony that Dave S. would have gotten my name. I opened th package and gasped at my gift:


A whole bunch of bubble wrap! How awesome! No, actually, I found in the bubble wrap this gift:


I unwrapped it, and inside was this box!!!


A Superman gift! And I could tell it wasn't a new, or recently made thing just from the box. Opening it, I found the gift itself!


A Superman hairbrush! From the 1970s! I later found out it was in fact a vintage brush that he had gotten on eBay! I had to try it out.


No, kidding, of course, I didn't! That would ruin the bristles! But I was all excited. So I took a photo and sent it to Josh for him to use when reveals all the gifts and such. Then, a few days later, I got an email from Dave S., asking if I got the gift, and, much to my surprise, telling me that he specifically told Josh not to give him my name, as Dave S. was planning on buying me a gift anyway this year!!! So it wasn't THE bloggey gift, it was just a regular awesome gift from Dave S. Just sent because he's so awesome himself!

So I alerted Josh to the fact the brush wasn't mine, and I anxiously waited for my REAL bloggey gift to arrive. And then, just on Wednesday, the 23rd, I arrived! It was from Enrickyricardo! I laughed before I even opened it, cause I knew it would something to make me laugh, just cause I know Enrickyricardo like that.

So I opened it and several smaller packages fell out and a card. I opened the card, in the purple envelope naturally, first. Inside was this card:


Yes, it IS indeed a birthday card, for a boy. But inside he explained that this was the only purple card he could find and so i got it. Laughter from me. Then I opened the packages and found these items:


It's a book titled "Good Sex After 50" which, a note of attached explained, he got for me since I'm "like 48 or something". More laughter. And, Enrico, trust me when I say I will read this book, because I've got 8 years, not 2, to go before I'd really need the book and I want to know it well when the time comes.

Also included were two CD's. He got them for me because of my lack of musical culture, or understanding or some such junk, and I guess they are supposed to enlighten me. He got me a Nelly Furtado CD, which is awesome, cause I DO like her, especially 'Maneater' which is included in the CD he got me! The other one is a Kelly Clarkson CD...yeah, I know. She's not at all my cup of tea, but I will promise Enrico this much: Since he was sweet enough to get it for me, I will listen to it. All the way through. At least, and possibly only, once. And I'll do my best to do so with an open mind and try to give it a fair listen.

This is getting long, I'll continue in a seperate post soon.

POLT Listening to the Chargers-Titans football game

This is your sofa? Were you ever in prison, by chance? - Thom, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

Bring on the drama, oh mama, that's trauma (Part 6)...

Polt's Dramatic Readings Of Billboard History, Part 6...



POLT Listening to "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" by Linda Ronstadt

"They want to have a traditional wedding." "In a pizza parlor?" - Thom, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

Merry Christmas, to all who celebrate. Otherwise, happy holiday and hopefully day off work! May you each get all the gifts you want, whether they are in your stocking...


Under your tree...


Wrapped up warm and cozy....


Or asleep on your sofa.


Personally, all I want is a trip to a nice sandy beach...


Something to make me smile all year long...


Something to keep me busy yet entertained....


Some help taking down the decorations in a few weeks...


Something that glows...


And a purple swimming pool cared for by a cadre of Santa's helpers...


A full set of these....


A pair of these....


And their matching set.


I'm glad it wont take long to unwrap them.

Enjoy yourselves and have a great day!

POLT Listening to "Deck The Halls" by Tony Bennett

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? - Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

Gonna make some cash with that avatar...

Saw Avatar last night. In 3D. My review:



Visually, the movie is stunning. The world that they create is breathtaking. And viewing it in 3D is a marvel. There was more than once when a little creature floated in front of my face, or a tree branch swung out or some dirt or something flew by, that I almost wanted to brush it out of the way with my hand. It truly felt like it was in front of me directly, and not on the screen. It was truly an amazing film to watch.

However....

The story was standard Hollywood stuff. I've seen this movie's plot done before. Quite a few of the characters were cliches. And there were several things that were totally and completely predicatable so as to ruin them when they actually happened. The thrill was gone, cause we already knew what was gonna happen. And there were some plotholes in it big enough to fly a futuristic helicopter through.

Still I'm recommending it, just for the visuals alone. But only see it in 3D, I don't know if it'd be worth it otherwise. And the 3D does cost an additional $2.50, but it IS worth it. And plus you get these nifty poindexterish 3D glasses (a photo of yours truly wearing them right HERE) that they want you to 'recycle'...but since I had to pay additional money, I said screw it and kept them. Never know when I might need something like that again.

POLT Listening to "Mistletoe And Holly" by Frank Sinatra

There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, "I don't want you to let me down again." - George W. Bush

I screen my phone calls, no matter who calls...

I didn't post yesterday, cause it was a mad busy day. Left here at 7:30, got to work. After work, went to the Mall (and I HATE crowds and traffic) for dinner with A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking, and then along with Ghostie, all of us went to see Avatar (review is forthcoming). Afterwards, ALCMDPP followed me home to get the Missus's present he was keeping in the basement (not an Egyptian mumy he purchased on eBay, nope not at ALL, Susan. honest!), and he got it wrapped. By then it was about 11pm. I had to harvest my onions and rice on Facebook before they all went bad, then to bed to read some new comic books I got that day as well, and then finally, I was off to sleep about 1230am.

Now, most normal evenings, I get zero phone calls. Sometimes, I get one, very rarely two or so. SO last, while sitting in Avatar, how many phone calls did I get? FOUR! Four freakin' phone calls and a text message. Thank God I had the phone set on vibrate, but I swear, if I got like two more calls, I would have shot off in my pants what with all the vibrating. It was crazy.

I got calls from mom, FDot, Corey, and Johnnie. So after the movie let out, I called mom to see what she wanted. After that, on the way home, I called FDOT returning his message. While doing so, I got another call coming in, from ALCMDPP. He was following me to my house and he was telling me he was behind me still even though there was a truck between us. While I was tlaking to him, I got a call, Corey called me back. While I was on the phone with him, another call came in, and it was Johnnie called back. While I was talking to him, yet ANOTHER call came in, it was ALCMDPP again, telling me we didn't have to go to Wal-Mart. When we hung up, I realized I had just gotten, in the course of like 4 hours, 9 phone calls and 1 text message! Insantity!

It's all good though. Mom just wanted to know how my day went. FDot and I exchanged Christmas greetings. Corey and I informed each other that we got each other gifts, and when we'd exchange them. And Johnnie said he was back in the area from Philly, and we agreed he'd stop by sometime on Monday. So, I'm glad I got all the calls, but crimeny, couldn't they have been spread out a bit over the week?

POLT Listening to "This Chrismas" by Ann Hampton Callaway

That's the way people are: ignorant or stupid, and there's nothing you can do about it, except educate them...or shoot them. - Debbie, Queer As Folk

Undress me, will I look like a fool (Part 193)...

Once more it's time for...

Well, again Os gave us a theme: We're to pick three HNT's we don't know very well and give them each a Christmas gift, anything we think is appropriate for them. I'm having trouble with this one this year. Honestly, since the move into the new house and the hecticness that's ensued, I've not really been following other's HNT's very much. I put mine up each week, but I rarely check other people's much anymore. I intend on correcting that starting in the new year, but that's in the future. But I'll do what I can.

From underneath my first Santa hat....


For the great and wonderful Os himself, I pull out prefect health. I would make your diabetes and all the related issues just vanish away. *POOF* Oh, if only it were that easy, being a diabetic myself, I know it's not, but this is a Christmas Wish, not reality, so I give you that anyway.

From underneath my second Santa hat....


All the other HNTers, I pull out an endless amount of creative, fun and intertesting ideas for HNT. I know what it's like to see it's 10:00 Wednesday night and have absolutely no idea what to do for HNT. I imagine most of us have had that happen at one time or another. This wish would prevent that from happen, cause we'd all be overflowing with wonderful HNT ideas.

And from underneath my third Santa hat....


Well, this one's selfish, it's for me. I just want the Dallas Cowboys to win a playoff game this year. I'm not asking for a Super Bowl ring, I'm just asking for a freakin' win in the playoffs. They can lose the next week, that's fine, but just one single stinking win. I mean it's been 13 years, I'm ready.

Okay, well to see what other HNTers wishes were, click http://osbasso.blogspot.com/. And everyone have a happy, safe and fun Christmas!

POLT Listening to "Uprising" by Muse

Surely this is the most absurd meeting I've ever been in, and friends, THAT is saying something. - President Bartlet, The West Wing

A friend in need, is a friend indeed...

This afternoon, since I had off work and since the schools were still closed, I went with A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking on a voyage of shopping and eating in Frederick.

Before all that, I did manage to get most of the remaining ice/packed down snow off my sidewalk finally. And I got Miss Cleo out of the parking space for the first time since Friday night. She did fine in both alleys, I was a bit concerned, but I should have known better, she's always quite good in the snow.

So ALCMDPP and I went to this place called AKA Friscos. Unique decor to the place, but expansive menu (both of which you can check out on the link I provided). I got a ham and cheese sub that was out of this world delicious, and quite a large portion, I actually had to bring half of it home. I also got an 'exploded potato', which was good as well, but did not, as ALCMDPP proclaimed, taste like God's vagina....however THAT would taste. We also did some shopping at various places (none of which I'll mention because I've been told MRS. ALCMDPP does in fact read the blog, and I don't want to give anything away. And in addition, I want her to note the fact that I did not infact call her Butters in this or any recent post. Not even once).

While we were eating, naturally we talked. And we talked about a lot of personal stuff going on around me now, which is kinda unusual, cause ALCMDPP is not one I usually think of when I think of listening to and getting advice on personal issues. But he's the one that brought the whole subject up. And I really glad he did, because talking it through with him made me realize what's been going on.

See lately, in the last half year or so, I've been feeling....existential angst? A mid-life crisis coming on? No, I've just been feeling like I'm not grounded, like I don't have control over my life. And what with AJ's suicide, and the process of looking for and buying a house, and the stress of moving and getting settled here, as well as some relationship issues, and times at work when I've felt it was all out of my grasp, I've just been feeling very...tossed about. I don't regret buying the house at all, but the apartment, since I lived there for 12 years, was kinda like an anchor, something to keep me steady. And now, even that's gone. And so, because of this feeling, little things have been made bigger and built up into big things that have been adding to this feeling of....discontent, unsettlement, directionlessness that I've been feeling lately.

Our talking hasn't made everything all shiny and rainbows, but what it HAS done is point out to me what might be the root cause of everything. And that might help me to get a handle on it, get my head wrapped around the issues, and start dealing with them. Today, as I sit here and type this, I feel the least worried and the least amount of underlying undercurrents of stress that I've felt in a long time.

And I know he's not one to take compliments well, or deal with them in a classy fashion, so I'm not gonna go over board with this, but David, thanks for all your help. Thanks for bringing the subject up, which I'm sure was awkward and uneasy for you, and thanks for saying the things you did and helping me see what was going on.

You are a true and good friend.

POLT Listening to "Uprising" by Muse

Sometimes, I just pray to God there IS a hell! - Apollo, Jenny Sparks #2

An utterance, information, don't mince words (Part 166)...

TMI Tuesdays

These come each week from http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/

1. What do present do you hope ends up under you tree? I'm not sure but whatever it is, I hope it's something I put there cause otherwise, somebody done broke into my house!
2. What is the "naughtiest" thing you have ever done under a Christmas tree? Nothing really. I'm kinda big to fit under a tree, and the needles that fall off it are all prickly and such.
3. Do you prefer to give or receive? For Christmas gifts, I prefer to recieve, for other things depending on what exactly we're talking about, one or the other...or both.
4. What is your favorite part off a sexual partner's body? I don't really want to take any part OFF a partner's body, but generally my favorite part OF a partner's body is their hair, if it's long. Otherwise, cut abs are quite nice. And muscular thighs, those are very very nice. Oh, and soft lips, and they gotta know how to use them too. And a bubble butt is pretty attractive as well.
5. What is your favorite part your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to? I don't know that I have a favorite part of my body, but I do so like when a partner kisses me and pays attentions to my lips. Quite a turnon. And nippleplay is NEVER looked down upon.
Bonus (as in optional): [Idea blatently stolen from Os and hist HNT wishes.] What Christmas wishes would you grant and to whom? I'm having trouble coming up with something for HNT this week, so here I'm just gonna say check in then and let's see what I can come up with.

POLT Listening to "Uprising" by Muse

A skinny man dancing is like throwing a skeleton down a staircase: creepy and kinda dangerous.

My name is christmas carol, i was born on christmas day...

As you may have heard me mention a few times, this year, for whatever reason, I’m all about Christmas music. There are two local stations that are playing it non-stop, 24/7. When I’m in the car, I switch between their stations, when I’m at work, I’ve got one streaming through the Internet.

As I’ve been listening to this quite a bit in the last two-three weeks, I’ve heard most of the songs, a lot more than once, and I’ve got something to say about some of them.

"Do They Know It's Christmas” by Band-Aid: Love this one. I know it was gimmicky kinda ploy to get money, but it was for a good reason. And the Brits did it first, and better, than the American (We Are The World…pfft), just like they do with TV apparently. Anyway, I just enjoy the whole song. But when Bono’s voice rings out with the line “Thank God it’s them instead of you” I get goosebumps. Every freakin’ time.

“Here Comes Santa Claus” by Gene Autry: I detest this song for two reasons. 1) He sings it “Here come Santy Claus” pronouncing it “Sanny Claus”. It’s SANTA, ‘TA” Claus, NOT Sanny Claus. I HATE that! And 2) I don’t like any version of it cause it mentions “We’re all God’s children”, “Say your prayers to the Lord above” AND is all about Santa.. Look, I got no problem with religious Christmas songs: Away In A Manger, Little Drummer Boy, We Three Kings, they’re all fine. No problem. But you don’t mix the religious and the secular in that same song that way! It’s just not right! It’s like football and church: both are on Sundays, but you don’t want the guy in the pew next to you watching the game on a small tv, and you don’t want to hear a sermon during halftime! The religious and the secular need to be kept separate. Haven’t they heard of the Seperation Of Church And Santa???

Nearly any Christmas song by the Carpenters: Again, I have no issue with the Carpenters songs per se. But their versions of Christmas songs are almost universally slow, boring, and tedious. I mean, even the ones that are supposed to be lively and happy sounds like their sung by someone slipping into a coma.

“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy: Worst. Christmas. Song. EVAH. Elmo & Patsy should be strung up by their Christmas balls and drug all over the winter wonderland by a jingle bell covered mare. Just sayin’…

“12 Pains Of Christmas” by I don’t know who. Loved it when it first came out in the 80’s. It felt extremely dated about ten years ago or so, especially due to the Transformers reference by the kid. But now, it’s not so dated. Economics, politics and cultural references…they’re all apparently cyclical.

“12 Days Of Christmas” by The Muppets. Best. Version. EVAH. Make me laugh everytime I hear it.

"We Wish You A Merry Christmas" by Bing Crosby: What the HELL is figgy pudding and why won't you be leaving until they give you some? Well, I think I know what figgy pudding is, and it's digusting I'm sure, so I think I'd leave if they tried to give me some of it!

"Carol Of The Bells" by whomever: just a flat out beautiful song. Not sure if it's actually a Christmas song, per se, but they always play it around this time.

"Happy Christmas" by John Lennon: I like this one a lot. Kinda melancholy, but hopeful too. And a great message included in the song. Plus, you can't go wrong when there's a child choir in a song!

"Christmas Shoes" by anybody: I was incorrect above. This is the Worst. Christmas. Song. EVAH! Nothing like having a Christmas song add to the depression, sadness and crying that a lot of people already suffer from around here. Like buying a suicidal person a map to the Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah, great idea that. And even though I provided a link, I'm urging you to NOT click on it, cause the song is truly so drippy, sappy, and bad, I don't want to subject you to listening to it. But if you insist on punishing yourself, go right ahead.

"Mele Kalikimaka" by Bing Crosby: Corny, stupid, not that great, but I guarantee you it'll stay in your head for hours!

“Santa Baby”: Love this song as well, and while I really like Madonna’s version, I gotta say Eartha Kitt’s version is the best. She practically purrs here way through it…very sultry.

“It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”: Pretty good song, I enjoy singing along. But I wonder every time about the lyrics “There’ll be ghost stories and tales of the glories”? Who the hell tells ghost stories at Christmas time? About two months too late, methinks.

Any Christmas song by Kenny G.: they should all be made illegal or only as insturments of torture by playing on a continuous loop. In fact, this goes for pretty much ANY song by Kenny G. Nuff said. (and I absolutely refuse to post any links to anything by Kenny G. here on the Palace)

“Christmas Don't Be Late” by Alvin & The Chipmunks: this isn’t something that would usually be something I’d like, but the damn thing is so catchy, everytime I hear it, I can’t help but do this little shuffle dance. Even when I’m sitting at my desk. Even while I’d driving the car.

"Christmas Canon" by anyone, really: Simply a beautiful song. Up there with Ave Maria as perhaps the most beautiful song in existence. And again with the child choir.

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love: Catchy tune, kinda sad but yet hopeful message. There are a couple good covers, Bon Jovi, U2, but I prefer the original. She sounds more plaintive in it, more emotional.

"Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses: Funny song with a great New Wave/Early 80s' sound to it. Unfortunately, I can't post a link cause there's none other than videos of people's Christmas lights synchronized with this song. And I'm contributing to that shameful act.

POLT Listening to the Giants-Redskins football game

Sex is so great...as far as I can remember. - Gypsy, Gypsy 83

BITS-N-PIECES

Got the most recent issue of Rolling Stone in the mail. There was a big thing attached to it saying it was my final issue and I needed to renew right away. But I've decided not to. I don't really read it much, except for the politcial stuff when they put that in. The artists they cover are generally not artists I listen to or care to read about. So I'm just going to let it lapse.

However, it makes me a smidge sad, cause this is the magazine I've been getting the longest. When I was a freshman in college, I rented a room from a family in the town the college was in. And one of their sons sold me the Rolling Stone subscription for fund raiser he was doing at school. This was the fall of 1986. So I've been getting Rolling Stone magazine for 23 years...longer than many of the artists covered in the mag have been alive. Perhaps that is kinda why I'm a bit out of touch with what they're talking about in the magazine.
*******************************************
Am I the only one glad that Jeremy Roloff is now at least 19 and I can't go to jail for thinking the things I think about him?
*******************************************
Every Christmas Mama Polt makes HORDES of cookies, fudge, peanut brittle, and other candies. And every year for several years, we took batches of it over to work, my co-workers look forward to and love it. Today was that day. Everyone there was all smiles when they saw her coming in. She shook several hands, got two hugs, and countless thanks. And when we left, she was all smiles too.
*******************************************
After all that shoveling this weekend, I took a LOT of Advil last night. But the only thing that's really bothering me today is, of all things, my hands, between my thumbs and pointer finger. That little muscle area is a little achey, especially when I try to grasp something. Oh, the perils of growing old.
*******************************************
This week's Saturday Night Live was perhaps the funniest show I've seen in ages. Nearly every skit had me laughing. And Muse was the musical guest, and we all know how I like them. I'll just say this: their musical ability, awesome; their looks...eh, not so much. They are an ugly band, but damn they can make incredible music.

James Franco was the host, and he just reeks sexiness. This skit had me laughing, but also rather envious.



And then THIS one, hiLARious. Kristen Wiig is simply a genius.


*******************************************
Since the Carolina Panthers beat the Minnesota Vikings last night, I'm out of the Loser's Pool at work. Bastards. On the upside, somehow, Dallas managed to beat the previously undefeated New Orleans Saints, which was not only awesome, but also kept them in the playoff hunt. Basically if they win the last two games, they're in the playoffs. But really, what are the chances that's gonna happen?
*******************************************
My throat's a little scratchy and my head's a bit congested. I hope this isn't a precursor to anything worse....
*******************************************
And of course, what would a Bit-N-Pieces be without a photo?


POLT Listening to "Vogue" by Madonna

Republican fags are fucking morons. - Scott, Bill In Exile

You're wantin' my body, I don't mind (Part 231)...

MONDAY'S HOT SHIRTLESS GUY PHOTOS

This week's theme, and I know they're not technically shirtless, but who's gonna complain at the views because it's Hot Guys Pulling Their Shirts Up:






POLT Listening to "Dream A Little Dream Of Me" by Mama Cass

Regarded purely as pieces of sexual machinery, young men were marvels, like new cars, everything solid and tight and functional, eager to perform, with a bewitching smell. - Paul Reidinger, The City Kid

Smile at my excitement, the last time you called...

When i got up this morning, I expected to dig out Miss Cleo, visit mom for lunch, and hang out inside watching football all day. Oh, how wrong I could be.

Well the first parts were all correct. I reshoveled the sidewalk for the last time, spent 45 minutes shoveling out Miss Cleo, walked to moms, read the Sunday paper and had brunch, returned home, got shower, shaved, threw on my jammies, started two loads of laundry, settled in to watch football. All that was planned.

Then, about 1:00, A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking called me and said there was too much noise and asked if he could come over and watch football with me. Not what I intended but football with friends is always better than football alone.

About 3:30, we decided to go to Wal-Mart, we both a few items and then eat at Applebees. Wal-Mart is a madhouse, insanely crazy. I waited in line at the register longer than we both spent time shopping. Crazy. But after this we went to Applebees.

We placed our orders, waited an insane amount of time to get the appetizer. Just as it arrived, my phone rang. I didn't reconize the number but answered it anyway, as follows:

Polt: Hello?
Caller: Polt?
Polt: Yeah.
Caller: This is Carolyn (my aunt), are you okay?
Polt: ....um, yeah. Why?
Carolyn: There's ambulances and fire trucks all in front of your house.
Polt: WHAT?

Carolyn said she couldn't see what was going on because they wouldn't let her pull down the road, but she could see they were in front of my house. I told her I'd call mom, she has a monitor. Mom didn't answer at her house. She did answer her cell.

She said she was outside cleaning the sidewalk off and a neighbor just came over and said there was a fire call for an interior heat issue at the address that's the OTHER side of my house (I own half a house, we share an adjoining wall). I asked her if she could go see if there was any fire or anything. She said, "Well go outside and look!" I told her I wasn't home, I was out eating. I aksed her to go look and let me know what's going on.

I tried to eat while ALCMDPP did his best to keep things light and be supportive. I had visions of smoke damage, water damage through the walls, all kinds of stuff. My aunt called me back to tell me that she was at the house, she didn't see anything from the front, and she went around back and didn't see anything there either. And she could see anything going on on the other side, although there were fire trucks and ambulances there. And then she said she could see my mother making her way over so I told her to have mom call me.

Of course, she didn't. Several minutes went by. I felt better cause my aunt didn't see anything, but I was still a bit worried cause I wasn't hearing anything. So I finally gave in and called mom. She said she had just gotten in my kitchen and was taking her boots off and everything seemed okay. I told her to check all the rooms and the attic too and call me back.

Again, after much time of hearing nothing, I called her back. I was feeling even better, cause I figured if it was really bad, the firemen wouldn't have let her inside. So after a bit more time, I called her back again. She said there is nothing wrong with my side, and she talked to one of the firemen.

He told her the people on the other side of the house smelled something plastic burning but couldn't find it, so they called the fire department. The firemen discovered one of their breakers was overheating. That's it. That's all. Thankfully that was all.

But before we knew it all, especially when we just got the first news, I was thinking, did we blow out all the candles? I didn't turn the dryer on, did I? I left the Christmas tree lights on, but I was only gonna be gone an hour, and they were all knew, the cords couldn't have frayed or anything. Did something fall on one of the electric heaters? I was glad to know it wasnt any of those. Although I DID get an earful from mom, cause she saw I left the Christmas lights on...like ALCMDPP said, no matter how old you are, she'll always be your mom.

When i got home here about 5:15, all the trucks were gone, the excitement was over. If my aunt hadn't gone by, or the neighbor hadn't said anything to mom, I'd never have known anything even happened.

So that relaxing day spent alone watching TV....yeah, not so much.

POLT Listening to the 49ers-Eagles football game

One experience is worth ten titles.

Let's get unconscious honey (Part 188)...

Unconscious Mutterings

These come each week from http://subliminal.lunanina.com/

I say ... and you think ... ?

Interest :: Rate
Chase :: Car
Itch :: Scratch
Soothe :: Lotion
Lamp :: Plug
Tutor :: Pupil
Nicole :: Ritchie
Sloth :: Gluttony
Burn :: Fire
Bug :: Annoy

POLT Listening to the 49ers-Eagles football game

"The point of a date is to get to know someone before you fuck him." "What a dumb idea." - Mike, Queer As Folk

Like a winter storm, before the rain come pourin' down...

Naturally, during the snowpocalypse, I took photos.


When I got home last night about 11:30 PM, this was the view from my back porch. Not too bad yet.


This morning, about 11:00am, this was the same view. Still not too bad. But when I looked out the window about two hours ago, Miss Cleo's tires were roughly half covered with snow, so you can figure out how much more we've gotten.


A view through my front storm door, mid afternoon. You can see it coming down against the house on the other side of the street.


Another view out the front door.


My boots are totally covered in the snow as I walked to mom's. These particular boots go around my ankles, should give you an idea of the depth.


Walking up a hill on the way to moms. I found this one particularly beautiful.


This is either me once I reached mom's or the first proof of an abominable snowman.


At mom's Angel had to go out. Mom had said earlier in the morning, mom let her out the backdoor, she had kept the gate open. But Angel walked across the patio, stood at the gate, and peed right there, and then ran back inside. She didn't even bother to go outside the gate into the yard. I let her out the front door. She was walking around the sidewalk and into the grass, it was up against her stomach, but she jsut stopped and peed. I doubt she even had to squat as high as the snow was. At least we didn't lose her in the snow.

Might have more photos tomorrow once I get up and start shoveling again.

POLT Listening to the Cowboys-Saints football game

Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. - Dennis, Monty Python And The Holy Grail