Hello boys and girls. Today's Testiticular Tuesdays color is blue, for blue balls. So for New Year's Eve this year I went to a friends house. He was throwing a party with about 30-50 ppl there, plenty of whom were beatiful women. I showed up a little after 9 and thought to myself "hey, I have plenty of time to find a pretty girl, see if she's interesting, and make out with her at midnight." Well, when I arrived I greeted several of my friends, including the guy Polt wanted to talk to but couldn't. While I'm talking to him I see his barely 19 yr old sister in the background (who is hella hot, but too young) and mention to him it was nice of him to bring her for me to make out with. To which he suggested I just try so he can watch me get shot down. So I told him that he knows his sister is easy, normal guy banter. I think no more of it and proceed to mingle. Pretty soon she comes over and talks to me, so I chatted with her a while, asked her how school was going, etc. About this time I noticed my beer was empty and went to get another. There I am all alone in the beer room when I turn around and see miss 19 walking toward me and she says "so, what are you doing later?" A bit shocked, I wittily replied "Uh, I dunno, what are you doing later?" (yeah, ladies, I'm that smooth). So my moral cunundrum begins. Should I stay faithful to my buddy or bang his hot 19 year old sister? I decided to have another beer and mull it over while I talk to her. Hey, she's hitting on me, so I'm not at fault, right? Anyway, I sit down on the couch next to her and she moves her leg over so it's rubbing up against mine while we talk some more. Pretty soon her 6'6" brother comes over and yells at me for hitting on his sister. I try to tell the drunken giant that he's got it wrong and she's hitting on me. After I got that sorted out I noticed it's 15 minutes until midnight and I gotta find out if I'm gonna be a cradle robber or not. So I go up to miss 19 and say "So, if I kiss you at midnight, will you slap me?" To which she replies "yes, I will." So midnight goes by with no smoochies and about 15 minutes later her and her brother come over to me and laugh at me. It was a damn set up! He had told her that I called her a slut and that she should flirt with me and turn me down. So I spent all evening at the party full of hot chicks with the one that was coming on to me so that the few available ladies that were left realize I missed my first shot and they'll be second or third pick. I just got drunk and went to bed with blue balls. The moral of this story? I'm gonna get that 6'6" bastard. Maybe I'll get him drunk and send him to Polt's place.
(okay, only cause he referenced me so many times here, I have a few replies:
1 - Why is it I was able to talk to 6'6"'s girlfriend, but not him???
2 - And yes, ladies, he really IS that smooth.
3 - When in the midst of contemplating an important decision, having another beer is generally NOT a helpful thing to do.
4 - You shoulda kissed her at midnight anyway. Yeah, you'd get slapped, but at least then you'd have gotten a kiss.
5 - Calling chicks at the same party you are at sluts is really not ever a good idea.
6 - Cradle Robber? you're what, 4 or 5 years older than her? Please.
7 - I think there's a few morals here: a) don't badmouth a guy's sister to his face; b) don't settle on whatever comes your way first; c) let Polt talk to whomever he wants to when you call him drunk at a party; d) it is exactly hese situations for which God gave you a right hand; and e) chicks lie.
8 - Get the 6'6" bastard drunk and send him to Polt's? Yes, please.)
POLT = listening to "Come On" by The Verve
Eminem should lighten up. I mean, my mom was a bitch too but I don't go writing songs about it. - Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog
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