When its over, when the dogfight is over...

Testicular Tuesdays With Johnnie

So, this Tuesday I will return to my favorite subject: the massive size of my very own balls. I now bring you attention to exhibit 3,247. So last Thursday it was dark and a bit cold when I got back from work. I've been neglecting going to the dog park lately, but I had a great feeling about going that day. If you read last week's column, you know that I got blown off by a hot indian, so I figured it was time to jump back on that horse. I hung out at the park for a bit, but didn't see any cuties. Just as I was about to leave I saw a female coming down the edge of the bowl with her dog. Like I said, it was dark, so I waited around until she got close enough to see her. She looked a little old for me (prob mid 30s, i cut it off at a decade since my mom is 40 and it would freak me out to date some1 only a few yrs younger than her). Montana started playing with her pitt bull mix, though, so I stuck around to let him wear himself out. He soon found a stick he liked better than the other dog and got really possessive. He kept growling when the other dog would get near and eventually flipped out. They lunged at each other and started fighting. At this point I lept in the middle and grabbed Montana by the scruff of the neck. I had the adreline pumping a little bit, so I managed to pick most of him up by the back of the neck and pin him to the ground. While I was getting him under control, though, the pit mix clamped down on my other arm, which hurt a little bit. I knew if I let Motana up, I'd have 90+ lbs of pissed off golden avenging his daddy's arm, so I had to wait a few seconds while the pit's owner pulled him off. You'd be amazed how long a few seconds lasts when you have pit bull attached to your arm. Luckily, I had a heavy leather jacket on with a thick sweat shirt on underneath. He did manage to pierce the skin from the pressure, but he didn't manage to get through the leather. Anyway, the point of the story is that I have single handedly took on too dogs at once and came away only mildy wounded *HURRRAHHH*(that's to be a manly sound of some sort, the kind that make you sound really constipated). Alright, that's your story for the week. Now I'm off to get as many abortions as I can before our latest justice makes them illegal. It's not gonna be so bad, though. I just bought a whole box load of hangers and I'm thinking of opening my own side-alley buisiness. Wish me luck.

POLT = listening to...nothing really..silence in the room before i go to bed.

I gave you the best...minutes of my life! - Emmett, Queer As Folk