Tried to smile, as he told me about his college life...

Today, I got the monthly propaganda from the University I graduated from. I paged through it, skimming, not really reading. The university honored an alumnus who turned 100. They had photos of some alumni gatherings. they profiled a few members of the faculty. Had a photo of two alumni who now both play for the Green Bay Packers (that one was pretty impressive, considering I only went to a small rural state college of only like 6,000 students). And they showed photos of numerous students all smiling and enjoying thier college experience.

Mine was not such as theirs. Not that I had a bad college experience, I just pretty much had an apathetic one. And that's really entirely my own fault. I went two years, took a year off, and then went back and completed the final two years. The last two years, of course, I didn't really have that many classes with people I may have met in the first two years. And i commuted each day the last two years. So that kind of precluded me from building those bonds and friendships you're supposed to build in college.

Oh there were friends. There was a sweet blackhaired girl, who's name I THINK was Sara, but I totally forget it now. She and I had several classes together. And there was Dan, the natural blonde from Nebraska who was there on a swimming scholarship. We had several study sessions together, and i found out that swimmers DO actaully shave thier entire bodies...but that's a story for another time. And there was the hot frat boy who I had almost every class with (we were of the same major) and we worked together on a project on the 1990 Census and Reapportionment. The project itself was BLAH, getting to hang with Adam in all his fresh-scrubbed, frat-boy-but-not-an-asshole, gorgeous-and-didn't-know-it, totally-straight-but-a-bit-curious, glory was quite and experience....and a story for another time as well.

But these were about it, friendship wiseh. Living with your parents a half hour away was not condusive to building bonds.

The first two years were even worse. My freshman year, I rented a room from a family a few blocks from campus. I refused to live in the dorms, I didn't want share a bathroom with 50 other guys (what the HELL was I thinking? that sound you hear, kids, is Uncle Polt smacking himself in the forehead yet again). This really meant that I had serious trouble building friendships, cause i wasn't living with the guys.

Although, at the student center, I got into a video game with two other guys. We were playing that...well, I don't recall what the game was, but you'd choose a character (barbarian, valkyrie, wiazrd, elf), and have to fight your way through levels of creatures. It was quite primitive, this WAS the fall of 1986 after all, but I was good at it cause I played it all the time in the arcade at home.

The three of us got to talking. It's unfortunate that I don't remember his name now, I think it was Dennis. Nah, that's not right, but we'll go with it anyway. Dennis was there on a baseball scholarship. And he and I clicked right off. his other friend was a heavy, kinda socially awkward guy that dressed all in black, and I have no idea what his name was. But Dennis and I became fast friends. We did almost everything together. He was unsure of college, as was I. He wasn't sure of his major, as was I. He didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, the same as I. and he loved the video games they had, the same as I. With him, I had found a friend.

And then, a month into the semester, in early OCtober, his girlfriend back home told him she was pregnant. he dropped out and returned to take care of her. He was like that. He gave up college and whatever that could have meant to him to go home and marry a girl he liked, but confided to me, he didn't love. He went back and married her cause that's the kind of thing guys like Dennis did.

Once he left, my social life at the University crumbled. I tried to hang out Dennis's all-in-black friend, but he was too obnoxious, I couldn't do it. I went to two frat rushes, and had an okay time, and met plenty of hot frat officers all wondering if I was interesting in pledging, but I wasn't (now THAT sound, kids, is Uncle Polt kicking his own ass for his stupidity). And I really wasn't into all the drinking or skirt chasing that seemed to exist there. I tried to hang out with Dennis' freaky hippy roommate, but,we had absolutely nothing in common. I even tried a very very short stint at the campus radio station, that lasted just one time.

I spent pretty much the remainder of my freshman year sitting in my room, watching tv, getting fatter (I put on the freshman 40...no wimpy freshman 15 for Uncle Polt) and generally getting into a little hole of depression.

Things improved somewhat by my second semester, cause I had several classes with Ron and Tammy. Ron had a Polish last name, was from Pittsburgh, and was probably the only one in the world to NOT know he was gay. Tammy was clearly his faghag, a somewhat dumpy girl, who had a heart as large as the University. We three had about three classes together and they immediately accepted me, and I became a part of them. The three of us hung out together all the time, or in twos if the third had a class or project or something.

I came to believe that both Ron and Tammy liked me, and I was uncomfortable about that. I wasn't attracted to either of them that way, but I was flattered by the attention. And I didn't really know how to handle it, so I ignored it, and pretended I didn't notice thier interest. Between them, though, as the semester progressed, things got testy. I think they both saw the other as competition. And when the semester ended, Tammy had decided to drop out of college altogether, and Ron transferred to a school back in Pittsburgh. I dont think it was because of the jealousy/hurt/confustion thing, but I think it might have contributed in some way to thier decisions.

the second year, I had rented an apartment with a guy I barely knew. He was a grad student, a hippy wannabe who LOVED Joan Biaz and Bob Dillan, wore sandals all the time, didn't believe in deoderant, and said, "Groovy" a lot. he and I never saw eye to eye, nor really got along. We never really talked at all. And the end of the first semester, I sub-let my part of the apartment to one of his friends, another pseudo-hippy named Tony, who was Italian, with a dark complexion, and a mane of the most luxurious black hair I had ever seen in real life on a man. I had wanted to spend time with Tony and not...well, I can't even remember the other guys' name. But I know Tony's. Guess that says a lot, eh?

The only other bright spot then was a guy named Phil. He had brown hair down to his shoulders and we shared a few classes. We agreed to go to the mall one time, and I went to his dorm room to pick him up. When i got there, he answered the door in a towel and told me was running late and had just got back from the shower. I sat on his roommate's bed while Phil finished getting ready. I remember quite a bit from that time in his dormroom, not the least of which is discovering that Phil had no problems being naked with me in the room as he chose his clothes, and fixed his hair and talked and talked and talked. Oh, and that Phil was uncut. And then we went to the mall. But while we hung out on campus and in class and stuff, that's really the only time I did anything with him away from the school. And of course, after that year ended I was off for a year. When I returned, I tried to find Phil, but I couldn't. Although to be fair, I didn't look hard.

Now this may seem like a lot, but really, these are the only friends I had from college. And over a 4 year stint, that's not that many. I just wasn't on campus enough, or at enough activities, to build any bonds. And that is my own fault, no one elses.

At times i regret it, but at other times, i realize, that's who i was at that time. And it all led to me being here. And its not too bad being here now. So I guess I can't be too upset. And I'm pretty sure now that Sara's name was actually Heather.

POLT Listening to "Patience Of A Saint" By Electronic

Bet you never smelled a real school bus before. - Ferris Bueller's Day Off