take it to the runway (Part 11)...

And away we go...

A Project Runway Rundown from a gay man's and a straight man's perspectives

Nature Calls

Okay, I don't know where to start. What a crazy night of Project Runway. I was major high-stress. Leanne not make it to Fashion Week? Major possibility. Hopefully this review makes sense, because in my anxiety, I probably had one too many glasses of wine...
Dude....you're stressing and getting all liquored up over a chick you've never met on a reality tv show? Man, and I thought I was obsessive....

First off, Kenley's all pissed at Leanne for not "selling" her dress on the runway last week. I don't think that even if she sold it, that anyone would buy it, honey. It was fugly. Really. Look at the tape. Laughable. Seriously. A pieced-together Walmart outfit all the way.
Totally with you on Kenley shifting the blame to Leannimal's 'working' of Kenley ridiculous outfit. But First Off for me was the review of last week, and yet another sweet view of Jerell's junk in Suede's zippered jeans on the runway. Yeah, okay, maybe I AM obsessive....anyways...

So, to the challenge! A field trip to the New York Botanical Garden. What a cool place. Very similar to Columbus's own Franklin Park Conservatory or our Whetstone Rose Garden. Beautiful place. Except with bees. Everywhere.
It did seem beautiful. That's probably because there weren't any New Yorkers or tourists walking around to ruin the ambiance.

Our designers were given the task of taking photos of potentially inspirational pieces of nature to create an evening gown. Interesting. I immediately thought of Keith -- he would've been a killer at this challenge.
Hmmm, I'd just like to see a bit of the Keith hunkiness one more time (yes, yes, obsessive, I know...) I like that Jerell's taking a LOT of purple pics! And the one he chose was mesmerisingly beautiful to me. Leannimal's taking a lot of purple plants as well, inbetween dodging the bees. Kenley's even checking out the fushias and the purples! Korto...well, she's gonna do it for her Mama...not in purple unfortunately.

When the designers get back from Mode where they buy their fabric, Kenley realizes that her tulle isn't with her stuff. D'oh! Both Korto and Jerell have tulle, but secretly say they're not giving it to Kenley. Kenley at one point even asks Jerell if he'd sell his tulle. I immediately thought: "Girl, if Jerell's tulle was for sale, Polt would've been at his side offering him cash." ;-)
BWAHAHAHHAAAHAHA!!! That is AWEsome! Awesomely funny! Awesomely funny, but eeriely true...

I want to point out something here. Right before the show, I get a text from Dave S., happy cause it's only an hour until Kenley goes home, or so he says. And then, after this episode he mentions above, I get another text from him saying, and I quote "She's goin' down. I mean, c'mon, she's such a tulle.". Bwahahahaha, Dave S., if I didn't love you before, I sure as hell do now!

And I have to admit, somewhat sheepingly, that I thought she was saying and talking about a "tool". I thought she had bought some kind of instrument at Mood to help her do something. I had no idea it was 'tulle' and that that was some kidna fabric until I saw the sub-titles. *SIGH*, well I have been called the 'straightest gay man' ever seen, so what do you expect? Anyway, back to the show.

Eventually, Tim allows Kenley to go back to Mode to pick up her tulle. Personally, I didn't even know what tulle was.
Oh good. See, I wrote that above before I read this. Glad to know I wasn't alone.

At one point, Kenley is all "I don't know why I'm always on the opposite side of the room (from the other three)." Um, yeah. You seriously don't know why?! A nano-second of introspection would give you your answer, Ken.
Seriously. Perhaps be a little less arrogant and smug and listen to your peers and Tim Gunn and maybe things would be a bit clearer for you in that department.

So they start building their dresses and I'm immediately worried about all of their designs. None are striking and Korto's and Jerrel's are a mess. Leanne is the only one that seems to have a decent design, but even with her's I'm worried. Tim seemed to think that Jerrel had some possbility of wowing the judges, but I didn't agree. There seemed to be no direction to it. Korto's looked like a bridesmaid's dress. And Kenley's just looked like a Saturday morning cartoon.
Yeah, I wrote down the following:
Tim and Korto are both worried about the lace.
Kenley loves her dress but Tim says fish scales, which Kenley loves, even though this is a flora challange and not a fauna one.
Jerell has the layers Tim loves...but it's looking unfinished.
Leannimal's says Hello Dolly!, but she knows what to do.
And yet, Tim's proud of them all. I truly think this was the first time I've ever seen Tim be insincere. Really.

Next day, Leannimal cries during an interview.
We have Jerell in sweat pants, Jerell in a towel, and Jerell in tears. Please, girl, get it together.
Korto too is crying in her interview.
And Kenley sheds tears like she exhales oxygen.

So, on to the runway...
Korto: Nice, but a bit dull. It still has a bridesmaid feel to it.
I thought it okay, but not striking. not her best work.
Leanne: Not bad. I like the flow of the gown and the bodice is nice. Great fit. That tuft of blue in the back is awful.
I love the way the bottom part flows, but I HATE the asymmetry of that sash thing. Hate it.
Jerrel: Stiff and ugly. No movement at all and it just seemed to be a mishmash. The bodice piece is just too low, making the model's boobs look either nonexistent or so low as to be competing with a grandmother who's suckled ten kids.
It looks very messy, incomplete. And it is way WAY too low cut. Does the model even HAVE tits? If she does, this dress is in no way flattering to them.
Kenley: Incredibly Hanna-Barbera. Cheesy. Though it fit incredibly well.
My first two thought were: Carmen Miranda, and drag queen portraying an purple mermaid thingee. Didn't like it a bit.

Absolutely none of these are a homerun. Not even close. Is this week 2? Because it's kinda looking that way.
I agree totally! I didn't like ANY of them. All of them had more things I didn't like than things I did. A big BIG disappointment.

On the runway:
Kenley argues with NINAGARCIA (never a good idea), cries at Michael Kors, sasses Heidi, snaps at Jerell.
My GOD, the tears...from ALL of them!! geez, I was looking for a life-preserver in case my living room flooded.

The real drama happened after the runway.
The scathing critique got Korto crying, Kenley crying foul, and Leanne perhaps crying inwardly, because she really didn't let much come to the surface.
(Polt, I'll let you assess the goings-on -- I think you'll do a *far* better job than I.)
Sorry, dude, I'm not gonna be much help here. Chicks in catfights are more the pervue of straight guys. Gay guys wanna calm them down and console them. If you noticed, during the verbal sparrings, both Jerell and Leannimal were kinda leaning off onto the arms of the couch, like they were afraid Kenley was coming up over that coffee table after Korto, or vice versa, and were ready to jump outta the way. Personally, I was expecting Steve from the Jerry Springer show to jump in off camera and interpose himself between them. Frankly, though, I felt uncomfortable, for both of them.

Kenley = indefensible bitch. Learn to take criticism, my whiney blameshifter, otherwise you'll go nowhere in this biz.
Kenley: "I wasn't going for elegant.." It's an *evening gown* -- if you weren't going for elegant, then how the hell did you think you would ever win the challenge?!
Yeah, that's what I was wondering at that quote. Even Heidi looked surprised, although whether that was over the comment or the fact she had been sasses, I don't know.

Ultimately, it was Jerrel that got the win from the judges. Personally, I don't think anyone should have won. None were even close to outstanding enough for this late in the competition.
Right after the showing of the dresses, I thought Leannimal won...but only cause hers was the least...bad. And I really felt Jerell was gonna go home, I was so very disappointed in his. Once again, the judges and I are not on the same plane. But really, all four were so bad, I can't blame them for picking him to win.

So who makes it to NY Fashion Week? We still don't know. The judges felt it was just too close, so they all have to create their runway designs and then it'll be decided which three are good enough to head to the final runways.
Cop out. Serious cop out. Personally, I think this was yet another stunt by the producers who want to keep Kenley's drama in the show. I mean, if it was the other three, who get along adoringly, where would be the friction, the conflict? Now, with all four coming back, we have more scraping.

Ugh. I think I need another glass of wine...
Yeah, I think I need several. But let me add something I noticed: in the next episode, when Heidi says, "You're Out" she's looking to her extreme left. Who ever's standing on the far left in the final line up is gonna go. Just my prediction.

Next week: Jerell takes the check, Tim rides a bicycle built for two, sexual dresses, and the cold shoulder for Kenley

POLT Listening to "I Need A Man" by The Eurythmics

"It's a joke." "Oh, I'm sorry. It's hard to pick up on the sublety of your wit." - Lindsey, Freaks & Geeks