Tonight, after work, I went to my mom's house. She said she had things to return to a local mall and wanted to know if i wanted to go along, and then get something to eat. Food and fun with Mama Polt? hell yeah!
She had things to return to Sears and Penneys. We went to Sears first, she gave me the Penney's bag to hold. At Sears, she returned three shirts and exchanged a bra for one of a different size. As we left Sears for Penneys, she took the Penneys bag and held out the Sears bag for me. I shook my head and said no way.
Mom: What? Why not?
Me: Cause it's your bra!
Mom: So?
Me: It's your BRA!
Mom: It's in a box inside a bag!
Me: No. Nope. No. There are certain things in life a man is NEVER meant to do, and carry his mother's bra is one of them.
Mom: (laughing) oh you're being silly. There may come a time when you need to buy me a bra.
Me: No, no there won't. That'll be the time for me to bundle you up into the car for a fun and exciting trip to Sears so YOU can buy another bra.
Mom: What if I'm in a home?
Me: If you're in a home, and can't get up to get a new bra, you probably won't need one.
Mom: (still laughing [I by the way was not]) But I used to wash and handle your underwear.
Me: That's cause I was your SON! I'd handle the underwear of my son or daughter, that's okay, but not my MOM!
Mom: Your father washes my underwear including my bra.
Me: (realizing this whole conversation is veering into territory I do NOT want to venture in to) That's cause he's your husband. I'd wash my wife's underwear and bra, if I had one, but not my mom's.
Mom: BUt we're both women.
Me: No you're not. Well, yes you are, but she's my wife, YOU'RE my mother!
Mom: (laughing out loud now) that makes not sense.
Me: (Heavy sigh, cause I did NOT want to say this, but have no way out of it now) Bra's are for breasts, and breasts have a sexual connotation to them, and I do not want to even THINK of my mother in a sexual context!
Mom: (laughing still) You are so crazy sometimes.
Me: Think of YOUR parents and having sex or whatever.
Mom: ..........okay, maybe I can see your point....
How do i get into these types of conversation? Mama Polt is a saint, but I still ain't handling her unmentionables!
POLT = listening to "She Has No Time" by Keane
Never let a stripper clog dance near your dingle. - Bob, the Oblongs
3 comments:
I ended a fight 'tween the two chitlins with this once a few years back.
Told the boy - back off... one day I WILL be in a home. [most likely in lock-down]
SOMEONE will need to buy me bras and underwear. Do you want to start working on permanently alienating your sister NOW?
I have some questions...
1. What was in the Penny's bag?
2. Did you follow your mother into the bra dept so she could get the different size.
3.Plus I think anything involing female things you would not have anything to do with. Right?
And you can let your mom know I will get the bra for her if she is in the home...
Velma: I love your solution!
Ag: 1) just a blouse.
2) Oh sweet Jesus, no. I stood by the register and watched the cute high school guy that worked there flirt with the cute high school girl that worked there. That took my mind RIGHT off what mom was doing.
3) well, d'uh. Yes, female things for mom is your responsibilty.
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