Oh thank you Jesus, the heat wave has broken! This afternoon, it's only like 72 degrees, and the humidity has evaporated, and there a strong cool breeze blowing! This is fine June weather. hell, this is fine ANYTIME weather! No a/c today, dont even have the fans running! I can finally stop running around the apartment in just my birthday suit. And, when I sleep tonight, it won't be like I'm in a sauna or anything. No, if it can arranged so that's that the ONLY hot steamy weather we'll get this summer, I'll be a happy and content gay man.
*****************************************
n an entirely different topic (but somewhat related to the post's title, as this deal's with work, and therefore kinda sorta business...almost), there's a lady I work whom we'll call Amber, because that's her name. Last week, at her desk, she had a bac of Swedish Fish "Aquatic Life". ANd she had foolishly left her desk, and them unattended when I walk by.
Now as anybody who knows me knows, I love Swedish fish. Once I start eating them, I'll eat them until I'm physically ill. But in this packet was something else: they had the red Swedish fish, but they also had yellow...Swedish starfish, and blue Swedish dolphins, and orange Swedish seahorses, and green Swedish...something-or-others (who eats the greens anyway? Nobody cares about them!), and Swedish purple pufferfish. And if there's one thing I like MORE then Swedish fish, it's PURPLE Swedish fish.
I saw there was quite a few of the "Aquatic Life" in the bag, and I wanted to see, to perhaps try ut the Purple Swedish pufferfish and see what it tasted like. I remember reaching for the bag, and my fingers going in and then...well, then it's all a blur. And the next thing I knew, there was nothing but a green thingee and a yellow starfish left. I have no recollection of eating the rest, but I must have. I blacked out. (hey, it's MY story, I can tell it anyway I like)
So i did what anyone would do upon consuming the vast majority of a co-workers snack: I skedaddled and got my fat ass outta there before she came back! But later, and much to MY surprise, i actually started to feel guilty about it (yeah, who knewI could even FEEL guilty?), so I went back to Amber and told her what had happened and promised her I'd get her a bag to replace the one I ate. She told me it was okay, cause that was her second bag of the day, and she didn't really need to eat two bags of them anyway. But I was insistant.
So later in the week, when I was in the grocery store, I found the "Aquatic Life" and bought two bags of them. When i got home, after supper I opened one, the one I had bought for myself to eat. ANd then I had another one of those blackouts, and a few hours later, I found myself sitting on the couch, my teeth all red and stuck together, a little trail of reddish drool running down my chin, a blissfully expression on my face, and TWO empty bags of "Aquatic Life" sitting on my lap. I was horrified...but happy.
The next day, i told this to Amber, and while she laughed her ass off, I promised I'd get her that bag I was promising her. Yesterday, after work, I stopped by the gorcery store again, and two bags, this time one "Aquatic Life" and the other the regular Swedish Fish. My keyboard, as well as my mouth and fingertips and currently sticky and stained a bit red, and the empty Swedish fish bagS are laying on the desk in front of me.
DAMN YOU , Swedish fish...and Mr. Swedish, or whomever invented them! Damn you all to HELL! Satan's little gummy candy, THAT'S what you are!
POLT = listening to "Hit That" by The Offspring
I'm not a fat turd, I'm a stout turd! - Cartman, South Park
Now as anybody who knows me knows, I love Swedish fish. Once I start eating them, I'll eat them until I'm physically ill. But in this packet was something else: they had the red Swedish fish, but they also had yellow...Swedish starfish, and blue Swedish dolphins, and orange Swedish seahorses, and green Swedish...something-or-others (who eats the greens anyway? Nobody cares about them!), and Swedish purple pufferfish. And if there's one thing I like MORE then Swedish fish, it's PURPLE Swedish fish.
I saw there was quite a few of the "Aquatic Life" in the bag, and I wanted to see, to perhaps try ut the Purple Swedish pufferfish and see what it tasted like. I remember reaching for the bag, and my fingers going in and then...well, then it's all a blur. And the next thing I knew, there was nothing but a green thingee and a yellow starfish left. I have no recollection of eating the rest, but I must have. I blacked out. (hey, it's MY story, I can tell it anyway I like)
So i did what anyone would do upon consuming the vast majority of a co-workers snack: I skedaddled and got my fat ass outta there before she came back! But later, and much to MY surprise, i actually started to feel guilty about it (yeah, who knewI could even FEEL guilty?), so I went back to Amber and told her what had happened and promised her I'd get her a bag to replace the one I ate. She told me it was okay, cause that was her second bag of the day, and she didn't really need to eat two bags of them anyway. But I was insistant.
So later in the week, when I was in the grocery store, I found the "Aquatic Life" and bought two bags of them. When i got home, after supper I opened one, the one I had bought for myself to eat. ANd then I had another one of those blackouts, and a few hours later, I found myself sitting on the couch, my teeth all red and stuck together, a little trail of reddish drool running down my chin, a blissfully expression on my face, and TWO empty bags of "Aquatic Life" sitting on my lap. I was horrified...but happy.
The next day, i told this to Amber, and while she laughed her ass off, I promised I'd get her that bag I was promising her. Yesterday, after work, I stopped by the gorcery store again, and two bags, this time one "Aquatic Life" and the other the regular Swedish Fish. My keyboard, as well as my mouth and fingertips and currently sticky and stained a bit red, and the empty Swedish fish bagS are laying on the desk in front of me.
DAMN YOU , Swedish fish...and Mr. Swedish, or whomever invented them! Damn you all to HELL! Satan's little gummy candy, THAT'S what you are!
POLT = listening to "Hit That" by The Offspring
I'm not a fat turd, I'm a stout turd! - Cartman, South Park
2 comments:
Hmmm. Very curious. I didn't think that you ever dared to eat seafood. Anyway, why would they package it in a bag??? Yeccchhhhh....I mean, if you really really want it to stink or something, but most people prefer the less smell the better.
Also, I don't think that its such a good idea to be damning 'the great Almighty' to "HELL" since it is He who created the seafood even before creating the gay boys.
I mean.....like....what would Momma Shockey think if she knew you were eating Swedish fish, let alone any other seafood, to the point of physical blackouts and doing God knows what before regaining conciousness???
I think I'll stick with my nice grilled salmon (complete with healthy doses of Omega 3 fatty acids) either caught fresh or on ice until I want to prepare it for consumption. I'd never eat salmon out of a bag though. And, fortunately, my salmon never gives me blackouts.
Get thee to a psychiatrist...toot sweet!!!
Fairy Father of God
Mark: yeah, fish from a bag, I should know better...
Brad: Sugar is bad but tastes SOOO good! I did know Jim shut down his blog, what a shame. And if I looked like you, yeah, I'd run around nekkid as much as possible. but I don't look like you, I look like me. :)
Post a Comment