This is the first day back to school for students in my local school district, and it got me to thinking. From Kindergarten up until like sometime in Junior High, my mother would always take a picture of me, leaving the house on the first day of school, lunch box and whatever bookbag I had in hand. That HAD to stop when I was like 13 or 14, becuase by then I was too old for such foolishness. now, of course, I would love to have a photo like that of me every year, to see the changes.
Also, I have a rather unpleasant memory from about this same time dealing with the first day of school. When I entered Junior High, it was traumatic experience for me. We had two elementrary schools and two junior highs: Summitview Elementary kids went to East Junior High and Fairview Elementrary kids went to Antietam Junior High. Except that, due to a moronic change in the line of division between the two, there were 4 kids who went to Summitview that had to go to Antietam, to a school full of people they hadn't spent the last 7 years together with. And I was one of those 4. SO I'd be in a brand new school, which is always somewhat daunting, but now I'd know almost no one.
In addition, being 13, I was in the midst of adolescence and as such, my body was changing and betraying me daily. And in Junior High we had to shower after gym class, which frightened me to no end, because I was ashamed of my body and didn't want to undress in front of others. (yeah, I know...what I difference 25 years make, huh?)
So, bearing all this in mind, I left home and started walking to my first day of Junior High School. I got about halfway there, and remembered that I had forgotten something I needed. What is was, I have no idea now, but, man, do I remember the fear and anxiety i felt when i realized I didn't have it. So I had to hurry back home, thinking I'd just have mom drive me to school. But when I got there, she had already left for work. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, and literally thought of just not going. Just saying fuck it all, and staying home. But then, I was worried about my "permanent record" and the fact that I wasnt' there the first day would cast me as an even bigger outsider than i was already was going to be.
So I set out again for school. I was sweating, with all the anxiety I mentioned above, plus, not I was moving fast so as to not be too late, and plus I was sweating cause i knew I WOULD be late. And I was so would up, honestly, i almost started to cry. But I held on, and somehow made it to school without being late at all, but I got there jsut at the first bell.
And surprisingly, I can't remember a single thing else about that day. I know it didnt' go that bad, cause I made some new friends that day, and didn't suffer and undue traumas or harsh memories. but dear God, do i remember the trek to school, and how horrible I felt. I thought I'd show up late, be laughed at, ostracized, and the remainder of school life would be that of a made fun of loner (hey, I was a teenager, who else is prone to such hyperbole and melodrama?)
And then, I remember one other first day of school thing: as a senior in high school, i was also the oldest of my 6 cousins. ANd I had a car (a tired old Pontiac 6000, that had the Po fall off from the name on the back of it...good old Ntiac, she was). SO I was responsible for getting a number of cousins to school. Had to take Tim to East Junior High, where he was in 7th grade, then take Trish to Antietam Junior High where she was in 9th grade, then take Tracy with me to the Senior High school as she was a sophomore and I was a senior there. But it was okay, I loved, and still do love, all my cousins.
Not such a bad school career, now that I think of it, of course at the time, oh, it was just THE worst ever! SIGH....to be young again...but to know what I know now.
POLT
I got a really had feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think it's love. - Jesse, Dude, Where's My Car?
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