Yes I know, you're going to throw it all away...

So I'm on my way home from work, and in the middle in the road is a pair of boxer shorts, navy blue and white checked, right on the yellow lines. It had rained earlier, so they were a wet mound, not moving in the wind of passing cars. And as I went by, my mind wandered (as my mind is known to do): How did a pair wet boxer shorts get in the middle of PA route 316 just north of the Maryland state line? How exactly does this happen?

Now I know I'm not the most...normal of persons, but really, when I've got boxer shorts with me, they're usually ON me. I thought perhaps thier previous owner was on the way to or from the laundromat, but really, this stretch of road is between two towns, and there'd be no reason to go from one town to the other just to do the wash. And even so, unless you would have a clothes basket full of undergarments strapped to the top of your auto, how could you lose a pair of boxer shorts?

Okay, maybe the clothes basket was in the backseat, and the windows were down (although it was raining a goodly portion of the day, but I digress) and perhaps they were just blown out? But can you imagine the freakish nature of that little windstorm that would just blow the boxer shorts out, and leave the other unmentionables there? Rivals the path of the "Lone Bullet" theory from the Warren Commission.

Maybe someone threw them out on purpose. But why? A kid grabbed them from the clothesbastket next to his carseat? The owner had an...accident in them? There was incriminating...evidence on them? Maybe someone threw them out in a fit of anger? But was the owner, or the owner's other half? And what would they have been angry about?

And, I continued to wonder, how long did it take the owner to notice his undies were missing? And did he wonder about them as much as I was?

When I realized the answer to the last question was, No, probably not, then I was jarred out of my haze, and realized I was damn near home.

I suppose the moral is: Make sure you know where your undies are, so that I'm not distracted while driving home form work.

Yeah, this is kinda what they looked like...cept these aren't wet...and laying in the road, but you get the idea.

POLT

The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion. - George Washington, Treaty of Tripoli, 1796