Dead bury thier dead...

Went to Target this afternoon, and whilst perusing the aisles, I found Shaun Of The Dead for $10.00!!!! Man, I could NOT believe my luck! I mean, this is my favorite comedy/zombie/ horror/love story movie i have EVER seen! And for only 10 bucks! How lucky was I?????? I can't recall a recent movie I've seen that had me laughing more, or more often than this one. And i got it for $10.00!! I LOVE Target....










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This is me and my cousin Tracy. She is my favorite cousin, and quite a cool one too! Sh's only three years younger than me, so she's the closest to me in age, and she's the only one in my family, besides my mother, that I am officially out to. The others in the family? Oh, they don't need to know, why pop thier balloon of ignorance? And really, I'm 37, have not dated a girl for 13 years, havent even mentioned a girl in a romantic sense since then, have introduced the family to quite a few of my male friends (not necessarily gay male friends, but male nonetheless), have vacationed 3 times at Rehobeth Beach...i mean, if they havent figured it out by now, do they really deserve to know? What should I do, tattoo "I'm Queer" on my forehead? I've heard from Tracy that a few of them suspect, but whatever. Anyway, Tracy is just the coolest, and I'm glad she's my cousin and there for me...even if I dont get to see her as often as I'd like.
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Also, this afternoon, Ag and I went to check on the cats of a friend of ours while he and his family are out of town. Have I mentioned before that I hate cats? They are the spawn of Satan, dontcha know? But when Maury asked me, well he's such a nice guy, how could I say no? So we went over, I had an issue with opening the front door (dont even ask) but thankfully Ag was there to help with that. And then I ran in and sucessfully shut off the alarm...although that too was no guarantee. All the while Ag stood outside, coward.

SO we got in and took a short tour of the house (dont' worry we didn't get into any of the dirty unmentionables...Ag wouldn't let me....). We checked on the first cat, who wanted out badly, but we managed to get the door shut with the cat inside the room. Which was a good thing, cause we could have shut the door with the cat downstairs, or with the cat trapped between the door and the doorway. but no, we got him back in the bedroom.

Then we had to go check the second room. Two cats, sitting on the bed. One didnt even bother to look up, the other looked up, but glared at me. I could see the demons of hell in his eyes...I hate cats. And then Ag pointed out the one of them threw up on the floor. On the carpet. It looked like both of them threw up there, or one threw up more than once. Oh, it was hideous. I just shut the door. Ag asked if we should clean it up. "Clean up cat puke???" I thought to myself. "I'd rather vote Republican." but all i said was, "Ew.....do you think we should?" She said something about it being on the carpet and them not being back until Tuesday. I then remembered that nowhere in Maury's explanation of my duties did it mention cat puke. And I told her so. but then, I thought...well, they are trusting thier pets to me (fools that they are), so maybe I outta like check if i'm supposed todo something or not....

So, I called Maury on my cellphone. Ag, meanwhile, had opened thebathroom door, which connected to the first bedroom, and right there, ont he counter, right next to the door, ready to spring out, was the first cat. Had I opened the door, I KNOW it would have jumped up and clamped onto my face and hissed and screamed like a banshee, because I hate cats. But with Ag, it just tried to get out. but she held him back and then stepped into the room and made all over the cat. (which was actually somewhat frightening, cause Ag's really a dog person and doesn't like cats either. And upon seeing her, I thought perhaps she had been brainwashed by the cat people, or possessed by some demon cat-lover.) But upon speaking to Maury, he said I didnt' have to clean it up, they would when they got back (which was good, really, cause even if he said I had, i doubt i would have. I mean, it's CAT puke, for god's sake. Lord only knows what kinda hairballs and mouse parts and cat innards might be in there!) And I let him know all the cats were still alive (which really,WAS a good thing, cause you damn well know, if I ain't cleaning up cat puke I ain't cleaning up a DEAD cat!). SO we got the bathroom door shut and left, and i reset the alarm, and didn't set it off, which was kind of a miracle in and of itself. And then Ag and I left, having survived the ordeal. And the cat's did as well.

POLT

Help, help, I'm being repressed! - Monty Python And The Holy Grail