The fairy tale world inside can bring it to you...

SO, I have a tale for all of you. Sit back and enjoy.

Let's say there are two friends: Guy 1 and Guy 2. Guy 2 has a girlfirend, Guy 1 does not. On Guy 1's birthday, both Guys, the girlfriend and another girl go out together to celebrate. And celebrate they do. And hours later, after many drinks, beers and shots, Guy 2 and the girlfriend go home, and Guy 1 starts home on his own, drunk off his ass, about 10 sheets to the wind, giving shit-faced falling down drunk a new definition. Guy 1, on the way home, decides to make use of his cellphone, and calls people. How many, he's not sure. he finds out later he calls one friend about 5 hours away at 1:30 in the morning and calls another friend at least 7 times, leaving the voicemails to prove it. Guy 1 eventually finds his way home, despite professing to one friend on his cellphone that "I love you man!" in the drunken, frat boy way that drunken frat boys are known for. Guy 1 reaches his front door, can't find his keys and then his cellphone suddenly goes dead, leaving the friend he was talking to thinking perhaps the phone was dropped, or Guy 1 just passed out on his front stoop.

In the meantime, Guy 2 and girlfriend get to Guy 2's apartment. Girlfriend goes inside, for some reason Guy 2 goes back outside, and gets locked out, with the girlfriend inside passed out. With no way in, and his cellphone luckily handy, he calls Guy1 to ask if he can come over. Guy1's response is "yeah" and a hangup. So Guy2 walks over to Guy1's, and getting no response at the door, calls Guy1 again. Guy1, inside the apartment, tells Guy2 to come in, and hangs up. Of course, the door is locked, thus preventing Guy2 from coming in. SO he has to call Guy1 AGAIN, and this time, Guy1 opens the door. he is wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. He was apparently in the process of bringing his lower intestines up through his throat, and didn't bother to stop to answer the door. No, indeed, he was puking while answering the door. And, in fact, it appeared he had puked all during his walk to the front door, because there were several puddle of the alcoholically drenched puke throughout the house.

So Guy2 sleeps somewhere in the apartment, Guy1 has no idea, because the entire night, say after 1130 is a total blank. But when Guy2 gets up at 500am, he wakes Guy1, who apparently has some sort of coherent conversation with him, before passing out again (and having no recollection of Guy2 even being there at all).

Now might be an appropriate time to mention that Guy1 has a rather large long haired dog whom we shall call simply Dog. When Guy1 awoke, and saw Dog near him, he petting him as he always does and realized there was something in Dog's hair, on his back and side. At first, Guy1 thought it was hair gel, but upon further consideration, he realized it was puke of the human kind. Sometime during the night, Dog had discovered these puddles of liquid he had probably never smelled before, had decided that he definately needed to smell like that, and rolled in it. As well ate some of it, as dogs are known to do.

So now, not only is Guy1 hungover..a hangover of Biblical proportions I would assume, and not only does he have all his various puddles of vomit, but now, he's somehow got to get Dog...unpukified? And all the while, his liver, or what is left of it, is probably screaming for a medic and cursing him as well.

Now I'm not saying this story is true...all I'm saying is I'm glad I'm not the one who took Guy1 out for his birthday.

POLT

Scandal always outlives honor. - Dragonlance Tales, Vol 3