The Homosexual Agenda for the next meeting, 9:00am, this Sunday.
Advil, Tylenol, and Aspirin will be provided for those hungover, with a choice of a mimosa, Bloody Mary or Cosmo to wash it down with.
9:00am - Promptly, call meeting to order
9:00:05am - Table action until enough members wake up, get out of bed, shower, find the
proper ensemble, get thier hair styled just so, and get to the meeting.
11:30am - Once quorum established, read minutes from last meeting
11:40am - Break for brunch, provided by The Blue Mango Biastro
12:10pm - Old Business
- How to keep rich, fat, white, old men from denying gays the same rights as straights
12:30pm - New Business
- Assess odds of getting an aerosol, absorbed through the skin version of Viagra into Jerry Falwell's hairspray can prior to his nationally televeised sermon on Sunday morning
- Research feasibility of getting 18 year old male escorts to George W., Bill Frist, and Antonin Scalia, because they are in some SERIOUS need of a blowjob of Biblical proportions
- Start process to make June 9 (6&9) National Make-Out With Your Hairstylist Day
- Check with Tom Cruise to see if he'll host the Come-As-Your-Favorite-Closeted-Celebrity Costume Party...again
- Organize letter writing campaign to NBC to make Queer Eye For The Straight Guy "Must See TV"
- Pressure the INS to begin deportation proceedings against Mel Gibson and other foreign homophobes living here
- Sneak into the homes of any male member of Congress that votes for an anti-gay marriage amendment and see who has lacey bras, garters and high heels in thier closets.
- Ensure schools are teaching that Michelangelo was a genius AND gay...and that Ronald Reagan was neither
- Work to get Al Franken into every radio market, and Rush Limbaugh, Dr. Laura and G. Gordon Liddy in the only market where they'll be fully appreciated: Redneckville, Texas, population 589
- Lobby for less money for Halliburton, more money for AIDS research
- Persuade Ellen DeGeneres to move her show to Philadelphia and then run against Rick Santorum for US Senate next year. She may not have any politcial experience, but she certainly couldn't do any worse! And couldn't the stodgy old Senate use some humor?
- Investigate process of making it a law that to wear Speedos, you have to have a body that allows you to wear Speedos. And if you have a body capable of wearing Speedos, make it a law that you have to wear them
- Begin boycott of Showtime, in an effort to get them to produce more seasons of Queer As Folk
- Remake 'Troy' so that is accurately reflects history, and not a sanitized, de-homosexualized version of it
- See to it that Will Truman gets to FINALLY have sex on Will & Grace
- Analyse cost of having go-go dancing boys assigned as personal assistants to all members of this group
- Speak to Newt's step sister, Cheney's daughter, and Alan Keyes' daughter and have them form a group of Lesbian Relatives of Radical Republicans. Discuss idea of forming Fight Club-esque kind of thing, but with the lesbians fighting their relatives. We all know the girls could take the guys EASILY. Discuss possibility of selling tickets and popcorn
- Generate price estimate of installing cushioned kneeling blocks (like those in Catholic churches) in all public toilets in known cruising areas
- Oh, and demand our full rights as American citizens, including ALL those that straight Americans have
1:05pm - Preview Oakenfold's "Pop Your Cherry" remix of Madonna's "Like A Virgin", the extended version
1:30pm - Entertainment: Music provided by DJ Fairy Godfather, disco ball and lights provided by Over The Rainbow Inc. And then we Party like it's 1999 (when Clinton was president and our rights were not under attack)
5:00pm - adjorn meeting in time to take nap, shower, and eat before hitting the Leather, Twinks, and Bears Oh My! Night at The Ruby Slipper
So if anyone wants to attend, just let me know.
POLT
Call me morbid, call me pale, I've spent six years on your trail. - The Smiths, Half A Person
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