Grabs my soul, shakin' through my body like a super bowl...

Since the Super Bowl is this Sunday, I think I need to look into my crystal ball and make a prediction (not that my record on predicting football playoff games is worth mentioning).

I think the best way to go about this is to compare the lynchpins of the respective teams: The quarterbacks! This year it's the New England Patriots Tom Brady vs The New York Giants Eli Manning. Let's see how they compare:

1. Age: a younger man will, in theory, be a better quarterback (this theory of course ignores Brett Favre this year, but Brett didn't make the Super Bowl, now did he?)

Brady: 30

Manning: 27

Advantage: Okay, that one's basically a tie.

2. Stats: a larger guy will be able to withstand tackles and such and theoretically, have more muscles to throw farther (somethings can be said for a smaller more agile man with a more precise throwing are doing well too...but I'm ignoring that)

Brady: 6'4"/225 lbs

Manning: 6'4"/225 lbs

Advantage: Okay, well that one is actually a tie!

3. Experience: in a football kinda way. While I would LOVE to be privy to thier experience in...other areas, even Uncle Polt has some limits to his knowledge gathering skills.

Brady: 3 Super Bowl wins (4 times to the Super Bowl in 8 years of play: 50%)

Manning: 1 Super Bowl appearance ( 1 time in 4 years of play: 25%)

Advantage: Brady

4. Cuteness: always an intergral determinating factor in winning games.

Brady: Manning:

Eli's a lot cuter than his brother Peyton, but I still gotta think Brady is the cuter one. And the sexy stubble...you think Manning can even GROW stubble?

Advantage: Brady

5. Body Hotness: this factors into the physical strength and stuff...sorta, somehow...

Brady: Manning:

The photo of Brady's not terribly clear, but Manning looks a bit....less sexy, than does Brady. And if there's any question, check out his arms in this photo:

And plus, he's holding a lil baby goat...Awwwww....

Advantage: Brady

6. Place of Birth: eh, why not?

Brady: San Francisco

Manning: New Orleans

The Gay Mecca vs The Bible Belt

Advantage: Brady

7. Relationships: Oh, like anything listed here means anything

Brady: "Playing the field", not tied down, but dating that Brazilian model Gazelle Bunchatitzen or something like that.

Manning: Engaged to a girl he's been dating his college.

Well, both of them are terminally straight apparently, but at least Brady's only got Super Bowl rings, not engagement ones, on his fingers. And really, is Manning capable of even getting a Brazilian supermodel (see questions 4 & 5)?

Advantage: Brady

8. The Teams: the Patriots have been a juggernaut this year. Unstoppable. Even in the games where they didn't play thier best, Brady got back on the field and drove them into the endzone like there wasn't even another team on the field. The Giants could only get a wildcard, and had to win in Tampa, Dallas, and Green Bay to get to the big game. Which is kinda impressive, but still, their opponents are the freakin' Patriots!

Advantage: Brady.

So, to summerize, the score is Brady 6, Manning 0, Tie 2. Brady and the Patriots will win.

I think the trump card was, though, the photo I found of Brady's jockstrap.

Couldn't find anything anywhere with Manning in a jockstrap.

POLT Listening to "Speed Of Sound" by Coldplay

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! - Dennis, Monty Pyton And The Holy Grail