I chill at white castle 'cause it's the best...

We did it. A Local Celebrity, Mr. David Parispeking (heretofore after called David, cause even the initials are a bitch to type over and over) and I made to White Castle and back safely. With a few detours along the way.

He was to arrive at my house at 9:00, so somehow I drug my fat ass outta bed 8:00 on a Sunday morning and got ready and was downstairs on the porch waiting for him. When 9:00 arrived, I called him, only to find that he had overslept and was just right then, at that exact moment, leaving his house in his car. Yeah, what an auspicious way to begin the day.

I wanted to take along some notecard for all the quotes I was certain I'd be getting, and a map, because I feel more comfortable with one (I know we had a GPS with us, shut up), and my gloves, and some gum, and my iPod and the cassette for it to play it in the car, and my camera, and stuff. I didn't want to have to worry about carrying all that, a backpack or tote bag seemed too big. Then i remembered when I had gotten a magazine subscription to some rag, they sent me what they called a messenger bag, or an overnight tote or something. david and i rechristened it my Manpurse. Laugh if you must, but it was handy to have....even though I never took it out of the car.

So anyways, the trip that was supposed to start at 9:00am actually began at 9:30am, with a trip to MickeyD's. See I take diabetic pills, and I need to take them with food, and I was in such a rush to get ready on time (waste of time that was), I didn't eat any breakfast. And David had intended on just waiting until we got to White Castle HOURS later, to eat anything, but I persuaded him to at least get a sandwich. So, with McDonald's food in our hands, we actually started for the interstate.

We drove for probably two hours before stopping. He got gas for the car, I used the bathroom and got a bottle of water. And we were on our way again. Right before entering New Jersey, he saw a huge fireworks store off on the right and said we'd stop on the way back...more on this later. Also, right before NJ, we noticed the other side of the road was paying tolls to get back into Pennsylvania!! Who knew my state was so exclusive? We charge our tourists from Jersey to enter. Probably not a bad thing...we probably don't want anymore Jersey-ites crossing the border than there needs to be.

Anyway, using Garmin we easily located the White Castle...on the left side of a divided four land highway, that would not let you turn left at the lights (damn, Jersey traffic patterns). So, two lights later, we turned right, turned around, and proceeded back towards White Castle, easily finding our way there.

Parking the car, we were ecstatic, overjoyed, celebrational (?), but we toned it down because we didn't to appear to be two fools who drove over three hours, with gas at over $3.00 a gallon, just for a plate of tiny fast food burgers...which we clearly were. We were afraid they'd spit in the food of the obvious tourists.

We enter, barely able to contain our excitement and checked out the value meals they offered. We both decided on the #1: four burgers, fries and a soda. David went first to order, and had to wait until Shaniqua, or whatever her name was, who was standing at the register, finished her tale of her exploits the night before. Three co-workers listened to her enraptured, looking at us not in a way to tell Shan-neh-neh that she had customers to wait on, but rather to glare at us, because now there would have to be a pause in the Tales O'Shanuessa while she took our order.

But take them she did. And no sooner did I get my change back, it was not a thank you that escaped her lips, but rather, she simply turned on her heels back to her co-workers and went back to telling all that Cindy told her last night about Nick doing wrong to Tiffany!

Leave the cash register soap opera, I went to pick up my food and found two really bored looking minimun wage earners, obviously more interested in Shauntay's stories than my meal. the one kid did ask if I wanted Ketchup or two other condiments which don't recall cause i didn't get them. And he gave me two packs. Two tiny little packs of ketchup. Oh they had the White Castle logo on them, which made them interesting. but interesting ketchup or not, two packets just wasnt enough. Luckily, I didn't realize that's all I had gotten until at the table, were I stole one of the 5 david had, and made do.

There were two other tables of customers: one a mom, dad and two young girls, the other a dad, and two teenaged boys. ALL of them Asian. Who knew there were that many Asian in all of central suburban New Jersey, much less that many at White Castle at one time? I didn't dwell on that much cause the one teenaged boy was wearing shorts, showing off some pretty strong calf muscles, and the other was wearing two t-shirts with the sleeves rolled up a bit, showing off his rather impressive guns. And when he went to refill his soda, I saw the back of the t-shirt read "Got Rice?" and had crossed chopsticks. But also, at that time I noticed he was wearing rather tight fitting pants, that encased his surprisingly plump posterior and rather large thighs. Both guys struck me, for some reason, as wrestlers. I didn't mention any of this to David because he was 1) texting people about his actually being at White Castle, 2) He wouldn't have been interested in the hotness of the Asian guys and 3) They were so hot I think I lost my ability of speech for a minute or two.

Eventually, though, it because time to eat. The food....ah, the food. I remember when Harold & Kumar were jonesing for White Castle burgers, and we figured they would be worth the trip, since those two went through so much just to get some. Let me tell you, do NOT believe Hollywood movies. They lie. Like rugs. Like old rugs. Like old rugs covered in greasy fastfood hamburger stains.

the burgers were, well greasy is the first word that comes to mind. Bad, is a second word. They just had these little postage stamp sized (and thickness) hamburger patties on two tiny buns, with chopped onions, a dab of ketchup, and a pickle on it. That's it. Oh, and did I mention they were greasy. The fries were pretty good actually. And the fries were less greasy than the hamburgers were. Soda was pretty good, although it's difficult to mess that up.

We ate, laughing at ourselves. David took a photo of his tray with his cameraphone and emailed that to a bunch of people and then laughed at and responded to thier texts. It took us three hours to get there. I think we left in less than 30 minutes. *SIGH* We mutually decided that the White Castle experience was underimpressive but not disappointing. now, if anyone asks if White Castle burgers are any good, we can tell them. From personal experience.

So, we piled back into the car, and started our way home, following Garmin. We stopped to get gas because it's cheaper there. But see, in Jersey, you are not allowed to pump your own gas, it has to be done, by law I think, by the attenent. So we pulled into a convience store to get some. This led to a horde of questions between us: Should he get $20 or fill it up; do we pay first like some self-pump places; do we tip the guy: if so, how much: etc, etc, etc. In the end, we filled it up, paid with a credit card, and didn't tip him. What do we care if he's pissed, it's not like we're gonna be gettin gas there again anytime soon, right?

The rest of Jersey passed rather uneventfully. As we approached PA, I remembered the toll thing. So we had to scramble for change. I had something like 60 cents with me, he had some change in the car, so I found another 15 cents. Oh yeah, we COULD have paid the 75 cent toll with a dollar and gotten change, but how much cooler is it that we paid in exact change????

Right after the toll, was the exit for the Fireworks store (remember that?). So David exited, and asked about where he had to go. I told him to turn left, cross the bridge and then turn left and go right down the road to the fireworks place. As he's doing this I'm writing a quote or something down for later, and only after that do I look up.

Let me just say here and now that I'm damn glad David has the GPS, cause I doubt he could find his way out of his DRIVEWAY without it.

I looked up, and saw we were back on the entrance ramp to I-78...back towards NJ! I asked him why we were going back to Jersey. He looked around and saw we were passing the fireworks store on the next road OVER and we were getting ready to merge onto the highway again, and I heard several expletives escape his lips.

As we drove past the toll booth again, I just started laughing and laughing. He wanted to pull through one of those emergency vehicle only turn things, and I yelled at him not to. That's JUST what we need to turn this into a REAL adventure, get pulled over by the cops. So we progressed on back into New Jersey. I commented that we were crossing the Delaware River. David mentioned that we were just like Washington. I pointed out that Washington only crossed the Delaware once, not three times. I was told to shut up.

So at the next exit, we got off, and managed to get back on BACK towards PA without getting lost. Of course, though, this meant we needed the toll again, and I had used all my change the first time. He couldn't find any either, so I said for him to just use a dollar. He rooting around through his money, while driving mind you, and actually asks me "Do you have change for a five?" he doesn't have a ONE! SO I jsut give him one, it was easier.

As we're approaching the toll booth, I MAKE David go through the same booth, with the same attendent that we passed through not more than 15 minutes ago. David was really afraid that I'd say something to her, and warned me not to. And believe me I was tempted. But the only I said was, as we were pulling away, "Seeya again soon" and I waved.

So then we get off again, and I make sure we take the right road to the fireworks place. When we get thier, there's a big huge message on the front doors: Pennsylvania Residents Not Permitted Entry. This building is IN Pennsylvania, mind you! And I'm not allowed inside. PA law says something about fireworks being illegal, and David had to sign a contract saying he's not sell the fireworks in PA or transport them through PA or use them in PA and other stuff. But how crazy is that? As a Marylander, David is allowed to purchase fireworks from a business IN PA, but I as a PA resident, am not even allowed to go inside! Luckily, thier bathrooms were located off to the side of the building with the entrances opening onto the parking lot, and I really did need to use the restroom, so while david went shopping, I went to the bathroom. He got finished before I did (hey, those White Castle burgers went right through me, okay?).

As we had exited the highway to come here, we noticed a sign for the Crayola Museum, or something like that. I said we should go there, and get something for Abby. So he programmed the Crayola place into Garmin and off we went. After a meandering trip through the crazy-ungrided streets of Easton PA, we arrived in the town center square, which is actually a roundabout. We parked there, and started walking to the diagonally opposite side where the Crayola thing was.

I really like the town square area, very neat and interesting I thought. But once we reached the Crayola Place, we found out that we had arrived there the one week out of the year that they were closed: Jan1 - Jan7. *SIGH* Leaving Easton, Garmin took us not the way we had come in, but on an entirely new route to route 22, not I-78, which is what we were on. Luckily, although not too surprisingly, 22 merges with 78, after Bethlehem and Allentown (and I'm so glad I didn't have any Billy Joel on my iPod, although that didn't stop David from singing that song anyway).

After that, the way home was quite uneventful. We stopped at a Dairy Queen to get some ice cream that David wanted. We stopped at a Circuit City to get some iPod speaker for David's mother-in-law (his wife had called us en route and asked us to get them) and we stopped at a Fuddruckers for supper (obviously, the White Castle food was none too filling).

After that, we returned home, he dropped me off, and returned to his house, safely, I assume, since I've heard nothing different.

Times for the journey: Leaving here: 9:36AM, Arriving White Castle: 1238PM; Leaving White Castle: 105PM; Arrived home: 6:12PM.

Natually, I have quotes from the adventure.

• Going to White Castle, Polt! We're going to White Castle! - David
• "You're not here yet, you better not be in Greencastle!" "No, I overslept a bit." - David
• "Sheepskins and fur coats?" "I do love sheep." - David
• Cracker Barrel takes just like the baby Jesus. - Polt
• What did you say, a responsive whore? - Polt
• Can't you just let me be a band geek? - David
• Abby prays for your soul every night. - David
• "We can go to the massage parlor." "No, we're on a mission." - Polt
• I have KC & The Sunshine Band, I have no Journey. - Polt
• "Audioslave?" "I liked them better when they were called Soundgarden, but whatever." - David
• "This is Melissa's anti-Bush song." "Yay! I like it already, and I haven't even heard it yet!" - Polt
• That was a disgusting bathroom, although I did appreciate the guy shaving at the sink. - David
• The Lord sayeth, 'Thou shall not visit titty bars on Sunday! -David
• They vote pro-life? Well, I got a man purse, so there! - Polt
• "New Jersey line in 6 miles." "I'm frightened, David. We're going into New Jersey with no chaperones or security people!" - Polt
• I plan on giggling like a schoolgirl the entire time there. - David
• "This is a Dick Tracy song." "No it isn't." "YES, it is." "Well...yes, yes it is." - Polt
• "Asbury Park, where the Boss started." "I don't like my boss." "Bruce Springsteen, THE Boss! Not YOUR boss!" - David
• Beer plus frat boys plus Buffalo Bill from Silence Of The Lambs equals magnificent YouTube mangina videos! - Polt
• The owner was Indian, the employees were black, the customers were all Asian...I felt like such a minority. - Polt
• "Burgers are pretty greasy." "But if I were in college and high, I'd totally go for this!" - Polt
• I'm not disappointed. Underimpressed, but nor disappointed. - David
• We're doing donuts in the White Castle parking lot at 5 miles per hours! - Polt
• "You should get something for Abby." "I'll get her some cherry bombs." - David
• David....why are you getting back on the interstate TOWARDS New Jersey? - Polt
• Oh, look, David, we're crossing the Delaware River...for the THIRD time! - Polt
• That's how we Parispekings roll, mooching off the gay guy! - David
• Oh look, David, it's the Delaware River...AGAIN. - Polt
• "What did you get me?" "What's 6 times 24?" "Um...a lot?" "I got you a lot of bottle rockets." - David
• "Is the bathroom clean?" "Well, yes, bearing in mind that I was just in there using it for several minutes...." - Polt
• Do YOU have an electronic satellite ship in your head? - David
• "This looks like a nice little town." "Try not to homo it up." - David
• "Thank you for the ice cream." "Thank you for paying for our entrance and re-entrance into the great state of Pennsylvania." - David
• See, my intolerance knows no bounds. - David
• My pet name for him is "Commander Douche." - David
• Pay respect to the Garmin! - David
• Tch-che, tch-che is NOT a Un-ch, Un-ch, Un-ch. - Polt
• With you singing, if I couldnt' see, I'd think Sammy Davis Jr himself was in the car. - David
• "Nelly Furtado, Maneater?" "NO!" "Fag-hater." - Polt
• "I listen to Garmin, not Polt." "Is that why we went to New Jersey twice today?" - Polt
• "No flirting with the cute guys in cars we pass?" "No." "DAMMIT!" - Polt
• "Un-Chugga, Un-chugga...this is construction gay." "Construction gay????" "Yeah, when they're making this music, they're wearing wife-beaters and holding a monkey wrench!" - David
• "Oh, fuck the Black-Eyed Peas!" "I might. But not Fergie. She's a skanky ho." - Polt
• I mean, I don't go around showing off my who-who! - Polt

And of COURSE I have some photos too!

The contents of my Man purse, prior to leaving home.


Our destination: White Castle!!!!


Mmmm, can't you just SMELL the White Castley goodness?


David, tasting just a sliver of nirvana.


Yeah, I TOTALLY peed at White Castle!!!


Look at us, the Kings Of Spontineity (even though we planned the whole thing three days ahead of time).


Taking a Lil Bit of the adventure home with us...on the dashboard.


The Phantom Fireworks sign...LOOK, it's PURPLE!


The entrance, with the No PA residents allowed sign.


The town square of Easton PA.


And here's Lil Bit, resting in front of my computer, to always remind of the fun and spectacular day we had....until he gets cruched under some papers or folders or other debris an is thrown away.


POLT Listening to "At Last" by Nikki Loney

Nothing Saddam Hussein has done has convinced me - I'm confident the Secretary of Defense - that he is the kind of fellow that is willing to forego weapons of mass destruction, is willing to be a peaceful neighbor, that is - will honor the people - the Iraqi people of all stripes, will - values human life. - Bushie