Whoever he was, he had it tucked under...

I hate pooping in a toilet not my own. Especially public toilets. Hate ‘em. Unfortunately, with the diabetic medication I’m taking, I have to go frequently, like 2-3 times a day. And when the urge strikes, when my colon says to me, "Uncle Polt, we are done with this, get rid of it." There’s not a whole lot of time available before they get rid of it. Oh, Mr. Sphincter will try to keep it contained, but generally, when nature calls to me, I don’t have a whole lot of time available before I must answer the call.

This has forced me to, against my better wishes, used public toilets. I can still remember one of the first times I had to. I was working at a drug store, roughly 20 years ago or so. We had closed for the night. The manager was wrapping up the paperwork, I was finishing stacking shelves. And I had to go. I’m not sure what I ate, or why it happened like this, but I HAD to use the bathroom.

The bathroom in the drugstore was not a public toilet, and there were only about four males employees working there anyway, so I figured it wouldn’t be too bad. SO I went in, lowered my pants and underwear to my ankles and sat down.

Now I was still living at home then, and every toilet seat that we had ever had was of the oval, elongated donut type shape. When I needed to go, I’d sit, and then tuck…Lil Polt down in between my legs, lodging it there against the seat’s rim. Guys, you know what I’m talking about, right? Ladies, well, just take me at my word, okay?

So, anyway, there I am sitting in the drugstore toilet. And I after the first…expulsion, I have the need to release some…urine as well. As you do. And so I do…and only afterwards do I realize this toilet seat is not ovally donut shaped, but rather is more "u" shaped. In other words, open at the front end. In other words, there’s nothing there to keep Lil Polt pointing downwards.

And so….I piss a nice stream of urine out over my pants and underwear and drench a goodly portion of the inside of my leg….which then runs down my leg into my socks and shoe. My underwear and sock actually caught the brunt of it. When I was finished with my business (making sure I kept Lil Polt tucked downwards with my hand), I cleaned off my leg pretty easily. The underwear were a total mess though, so I took them off, wrapped them in a bunch of paper towels and threw them in the trash. And I tried to wipe off my pants as best I could, but when I pulled them up, there were still several wet spots on them touching my skin. And since we left the store rather soon thereafter, and since it was cold outside, it was a somewhat chilling walk back home.

All this came to mind as I was sitting on the toilet at work, for the second time of the day, holding Lil Polt down. Funny, the things you think of whilst on...downtime, eh?

POLT Listening to "Sex On Wheels" by My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult Oil: 90.75 (+1.03); Gas: 3.05 (-.03)

Mel Gibson is purchasing a private island in Fiji for $15 million dollars. Not having and Jews around: Priceless. - Tina Fey, Weekend Update, SNL