I was having a conversation recently about the state of being gay. I don't pretend to be an expert on all things gay-in general. but I think I AM an expert on all things gay relating to me. So I give the following explanation.I think "gay", or "straight" for that matter, really has little to do with sex. Or not as much as people would like to think. Most straight men think of gay sex as: two girls (SEXY) or two guys (sickening), because all they think of is the sexual aspect.
As I sit here typing this, I am gay. And I'm not having sex with anyone at the moment. Not even myself. And I'm still gay.
If I never have sex with anyone else for the rest of my life, I will still be gay. If I have sex with a woman, or women, I will still be gay. It's not about the sex, totally. It's about how I feel about the other person...during sex, yes, but when not having sex.
Let me try it this way: I have sex with many different people, men and women (lots MORE ment than women, to be fair), but each time, the ACT of sex was a physical thing. A damn NICE physical thing, but a physical thing nonetheless. There have been people that I've had sex with who i just met, people who's names I don't know, and in fact, I'm pretty certain, a few people who didn't even speak English (and when I say "people", I generally mean "guys in Toronto"). And therefore, I had no emotional connection to them.
But, there have been people that I have been with that I loved, and had a deep emotional connection to, most recently Freddie, and that made the sex much MUCH better. Much more than a physical thing, because of the emotional aspect.
If I were to have sex with a women, as I have in the past, I would most likely not be thinking about them, but about thier brothers, or a friend, or a co-worker, or a porn scene, or something like that. Because while I can physically have sex with a woman, it jsut doesn't, for whatever reason, give me as much pleasure as does sex with men. So that, when I have sex with women, I generally am thinking about men.
On the flip side, I believe that straight people can have sex with someone the same sex and not be gay. If a guy slips his cock through a hole and gets a blowjob from someone on the other side, or if he's blindfolded and then given a blow job, he won't necessarily know what sex the person is doing the blowing. And there is something called "Situational Homosexuality" wherein self identified straight people (usually men) are put into situations without females available, like jail, boarding schoools, and previously, the military. And so, they have sex with each other. They're not gay before they enter the situation, aren't gay after the situation, and don't consider themselves gay while doing it. And there's the phenomenon of the "down low" where straight black guys have fulfilling sexlives with wives or girlfriends, but have sex with other men on the side. They don't, as I understand it, consider themselves gay either. But I'm not totally familiar with the "down low" so there could be more involved.
My point is, I dont believe being gay, or straight for that matter, is all about sex.
I get a deeper emotional feeling, a satisfaction, a contended feeling, LOVE, from being with a man that i have feelings for than with a woman. It's just the way I am. That's, in my mind, what makes me gay. Whatever sex you have that deeper, emotional feeling for is the sex you are attracted to, regardless of your sex.
And I don't believe this is a conscious choice. I know for a fact I never woke up one morning and thought, "Gee, I think I'll like men more than women." It's more like how I like vanilla ice cream better than chocolate. It's just the way I prefer things. And I certainly can eat chocolate, but I prefer vanilla. And I never woke up one morning and decided I was going to like vanilla more than chocolate, I just always have. (course, this whole chocolate/vanilla metaphor could be misinterpreted as a choice...not how i meant it, kiddies, NOT how I meant it.)
And that, kids, is Uncle Polt's post on being gay.
POLT Listening to "Aura" by the Church Oil: 90.75 (+.04); Gas: 3.03 (-.01)
"Basil, what are you doing?" "Kissing you, dear." "Well, don't." - Sybil, Fawlty Towers
2 comments:
Interesting post! I've been with only one woman in my lifetime. It's been all men since and like you, I knew some, didn't know others, had language barriers (Though I speak enough Spanish for there not to be!) I think all gay men go through that.
The only person I know who didn't ever have sex with a woman is Keyron.
I'm not the flamboyant type either. People mistake me for a prude all the time, little do they know. Well, some do know that's not the case.
PING!!!
Did that light bulb just now go on or what?
Did you just now comprehend that conversation we had years and years ago??
I could swear we talked about this exact subject and my indicating to you that the defining factor was the emotional aspect, and that the physical aspects were not a factor.
Perhaps you were too young to comprehend at the time.
One (or maybe more than one) amendment to the issue, however, is that after several years without sexual relations of any kind (including masturbation) I'm not sure that I would call myself gay, although I think it could be retrieved easily enough. Truthfully, though, I have had too many issues going on for the last few years such that sex has been pushed way way down the list and has not been a part of my waking conciousness for a very long time. Right now I would say my sexuality is hibernating or that I am "asexual". I don't notice or scope out good looking guys, but if someone asked I could still make a choice about a guy or girl being good looking or not.
I would love for this to go away soon, but my gut feeling is that I'm in for more bad than good in the years to come. I must have done something nasty in a previous life and am paying for it now.
Furry Godfather.
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