A bachelor boy and that's the way I'll stay..

So, late Tuesday, Johnnie emailed me the following. But he didn't say whether he was just sending it to me, his old buddy Uncle Polt, or if it was this week's installment of Testicular Tuesdays. i read it, and it was funny, but there was nary a mention of reproductive organs in it. So I sent an email back to him, asking him if I was use it or just read it. It's not about 22.5 hours after I sent that email, and 20 hours after Tuesday ended, and I've received nada from him on the subject.

SO I'll just use what he sent as his...column, and hope that's what he intended. And so, I give you...

Testicular Tuesdays With Johnnie (on Wednesday)
Thanks to Craigslist.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

POLT = listening to "Save The Last Dance For Me" by Ben E. King

"Have you ever had sex with another guy?" "Define sex." - Zed, Splendor