Would I lie to you, honey would I lie to you, Part 2...

This is the second part of a two part post. Please read the previous post first!

SO, Connie and Alecia dropped me off in front my house aroudn 200 am I think. I staggered back the walk, and was going to go to the door, when I decided I really had to pee. So there's a deck off to the right that overlooks the neighbor's yard. I just walked over there, leaned against the railing, pulled our little Polt and let loose. It felt great. It was one of those I-havent-pissed-in-a-long-time-but-I've-been-drinking-and-really-REALLY-have-go kinda pees. And it was quite a relief.

So afer peed for what seemed like forever, I put it away, staggered back to the door, and had a bitch of a time getting my key in the keyhole. But I managed to get it open. I walked in (which when I say walk, I mean stumbled over the door eave and damn near fell forward flat on my face) and upon recovering, turned around and shut the door, quietly, cause I didn't want to wake my parents who's room was almost right above where I was.

I stood there and rested my forehead against the door, cause the room was swaying slightly. And it was pitch black. So i turned on the ceiling light, and then turned around.

And sitting on the couch, was mom! In her nightgown and robe, arms crossed across her chest, obviously sitting there for quite some time, and never having made a sound. It's a damn good thing I had emptied my bladder outside, cause I very well could have emptied it right there! I think I might have made a small squeaking noise, not unlike a mouse.

Without changing her facial expression (which i couldn't see very well because my eyes were refusing to focus when i told them to), she asked how the parade was. I told her it was great, and that we had a great time, but I was really tired now. And I faked a yawn. At least I hope it looked like a yawn, God only know what it might have actually looked like. ANd thenI told her goodnight, and went to my room, being very careful to not mkae any clumsy or noisy errors in walking. And I remember as I lay in bed, before going to sleep (also known in some circles as passing out), and as the room rockedd around me, I thought, "Wow, I got away with it!"

...........Man, was I a dumb ass.

The next morning, i'd say, oh about 700 in the morning, my bedroom door flew open with such force it slammed into the wall and rattled the pictures hanging on the wall. And it rattled the teeth in my head too, or so it felt. And my mom said, in an extremely loud, yet not really yelling voice, "GOOD MORNING! TIME TO GET UP!" I'm sure I mumbled some sort of response, but she ignored it and shouted (still not sounding upset, just loud) again, "COME ON! BREAKFAST IS READY! YOU GOT TEN MINUTES TO GET DOWN HERE!" I tried to tell her i wasn't hungry, but oh, no, that wasn't happening. "GET UP AND GET READY AND GET DOWN THERE. TEN MINUTES. OR YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

And then I knew something was up. SO I figured I'd better do as she says, and maybe I can salvage something from all this. SO I went down. I dont know what she had made for breakfast but I knew a piece of toast was all i could handle. Dad was nowhere to be seen.

SO I crunched on the piece of toast a bit. I stared at the table, not wanting to look up. I knew I'd look liek hell warmed over. BUt when I did look up, I saw her just starting at me. I tried to smile, but all she said was, "Where were you last night?"

I got a look of confusion (or what I hoped was confusion. Hell I could have looked anything from constipated to castrated for all i know from the way I felt), and said, "I went to the mummers parade."

Keeping her elbow on the table, she lifted her hand and raised one finger up. "You're grounded for a week. Where were you last night?" She said without any inflection in her calm tone or voice. Like she was reading a recipe out loud or something.

I got all shocked and said louder, "I was at the mummer parade with Andy." She held up a second finger. "you're grounded for two weeks. Where were you last night?"

Okay, okay, she knew I wasn't at the parade. Try a new tactic: "I went to a party with Connie and ALecia."

"were you drinking?"

"Mom! Of course not!" Even I didn't believe me.

The third finger went up. "You're grounded for three weeks. Were you drinking?"

Abort abort! "Yes, there was drinking there and I had some. But not much." After this, we talked about it, she told me she knew I was lying to her almost from the start. And she grounded me three weeks for lying to her each time and another week cause I had been drinking. And then she went throughthe whoel parental Don't Drink Speech, and told me that if i ever got picked up for drinking and sent to jail, not to call her, cause she wouldn't bond me out. She's just make me sit there for being so stupid.

And while I did drink after that while in high school, adn beyond, I never really lied to mom after that about where I was going. It wasn't worth the grounding.

BUt she never was real happy with my drinking. Especially the night i came home, puked, thinking I had it all in the toilet, and did manage to get some IN the toilet, but there was also a lot ont he back of the toilet, the floor aroudn the toilet, the wall next to the toilet, ont he toilet paper holder... yeah it was bad. And then she later went to use it in the middle of the night.

It's bad enough being hung over, but it's even worse when you're hungover and having to clean up all your vomit at 500 in the morning because your mother walking and sat in it. I was gagging while I was cleaning. And had to listen to her screeching beside me like a banshee about what I had done.

SOmetimes, it's best to just stick to Pepsi.

POLT = listening to "Get Busy, Child" by The Crystal Method

Love is a dunghill, Betty, and I am but a cock climbing atop it to crow. - Cunningham, Rob Roy